Can't do it anymore

[Depression = 72% of members]

Why is it so hard to leave someone who is sucking the life out of me? Ok, I have a 15 year old son and think that by staying I'm doing the best for him. Yet, another part of me knows the constant drama and walking on eggshells is such a bad place for him to be. We've been close to splitting before, indeed she initiated a "divorce" process which seemed only to highlight how tough it would be for me financially (she has physical health issues which mean her income potential is limited.) she hired a hotshot lawyer and we wasted 20k achieving nothing. It turned out she had not even submitted the divorce petition. Suffice to say I agreed to try again. I shouldn't. She is isolating me, doesn't allow my family to come to the home and criticises and belittles me all the time. Yes I know it's her stuff and it's clearly a reflection of her own inner turmoil but I get defensive and angry. Then she makes me out to be a "domestic abuser." This despite her having been violent with me by pushing me the down the stairs and hurling stuff at me. Along with her family and our friends see me as the enemy and see her as a victim. I'm lonely, isolated and any sensible person would have been long gone. I feel stupid and the longer I can't cope with her the more of a failure I feel. BPD seems so invisible, no one apart from a couple of people who've been through it understand. Leaving should be easy I'm on antidepressants and should be gone but why am I still here? Xmas was a disaster straight out of soaps, drama, ruining all the times that should be happy. No outcome is ideal but my mental health is suffering yet I still try and find reasons to stay, telling myself I can cope.

[Rockandhardplace]

Why is it so hard to leave someone who is sucking the life out of me? Ok, I have a 15 year old son and think that by staying I'm doing the best for him. Yet, another part of me knows the constant drama and walking on eggshells is such a bad place for him to be. We've been close to splitting before, indeed she initiated a "divorce" process which seemed only to highlight how tough it would be for me financially (she has physical health issues which mean her income potential is limited.) she hired a hotshot lawyer and we wasted 20k achieving nothing. It turned out she had not even submitted the divorce petition. Suffice to say I agreed to try again. I shouldn't. She is isolating me, doesn't allow my family to come to the home and criticises and belittles me all the time. Yes I know it's her stuff and it's clearly a reflection of her own inner turmoil but I get defensive and angry. Then she makes me out to be a "domestic abuser." This despite her having been violent with me by pushing me the down the stairs and hurling stuff at me. Along with her family and our friends see me as the enemy and see her as a victim. I'm lonely, isolated and any sensible person would have been long gone. I feel stupid and the longer I can't cope with her the more of a failure I feel. BPD seems so invisible, no one apart from a couple of people who've been through it understand. Leaving should be easy I'm on antidepressants and should be gone but why am I still here? Xmas was a disaster straight out of soaps, drama, ruining all the times that should be happy. No outcome is ideal but my mental health is suffering yet I still try and find reasons to stay, telling myself I can cope.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's the same feeling of being trapped, alone, and hopeless that brought many of us here. There are so many great resources.

Since you mentioned DV, I would sugget that you start by clicking on the "Safety First" button on the right side of the page. You want to make sure that you and your family are safe in the event things get physical.

Secondly, this board teaches us to take a look at ourselves and how we are responding (more like reacting) to our pwBPD. Before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse. My H may be the unhealthy one, but I am also unhealthy in my handling of BPD. The lessons on the right side of hte page have been a huge source of help for me. It's a lot to read. Start at the top and work your way down. Take your time and practice little things. My relationship is far from good, but it is WAY better than it was when I first came here. I hope you can learn the tools to do the same for you.