We have finally come to an end

[taniasofia]

Hello,

I was in a relationship with a BPD for 5 years.

We have finally come to an end. BTW this was a LGBT relationship.

I take my 50% of the fault in the relationship. It all started really good. We had that emotional connection right away, we got to a point where we would read each others minds, it was crazy. But something would always trigger her. Is like she said to me nothing she ever did was good enough to be... .This made think I was the issue so I started working on that but yet I still got the same thing back... .I got confused... .

At the beginning of last year she said she felt very lonely and so she went with one of our friends. She said she doesn't call this cheating because we were not together but to me it was. I feel that you just don't leave and jump onto another relationship if you really loved that person. I was one and still am very emotionally hurt by this.

I attempted suicide when I found out about this.

I didn't know how else to react... .it seemed unbelievable that after all that we had she would even dare to do this.

After the suicide, I became more educated on the subject of BPD. I went back to look for her. I thought we might have a chance, I went on to look for her, I chose to forget what she did and talked to her about this disorder and how I thought she might have it.

She said she might but she said she would not go to therapy she said she would try to cope on her own and I chose to take that. 4 months passed and she left again... .worst of all she left with the same person.

She tells me this relationship is nothing but physical abuse, I tell her i don't know how she can take that when she didn't have that in our relationship. she says she takes it because she feels like that's what she deserves after sabotaging our relationship and after hurting me.

Yet she also says that she left because she shared her dreamed with me and I crashed them. I don't think i did I simply also shared mine and they were not the same at that particular time. I tried to make her understand that we 1st had to work on a career before we could work on anything else. Essentially throughout the relationship she had demands... .and now that i think about it, I always gave in those demands to make her happy.

She has done everything in her power to doom me.

I have been left without anything after giving it all. After giving more than i could.

I need help finding myself again. Finding a reason and motives for which to move on.

I need help.

[bAlex]

I'm sorry to read this. It's tough I know, but if you think about it, she's just a person right? The only thing that makes her "special" is the meaning you link to her. You can choose what that meaning is. Sometimes you need to call a spade a spade, what is she really like? Be honest. From what I read here, she's not that great, is she? Give yourself time, this will get easier, it will pass, it has to, there's no choice really. And don't fall for the bs, they are incapable of being in relationships, they will always find a way to ruin things. Stay strong.

[zman]

If you think it was cheating than it was.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  That is your boundary and she crossed it.  It is ok to stand up for yourself - you are worth it!

Reasons to move on.  There are plenty.  Resolve to find someone who will treat you with respect.  Focus on yourself and things you like.  What are your dreams and passions? 

 

[taniasofia]

Thank you for your words... .This all has been a lot to handle. After reading a lot of the stories on this site, I see that I am not alone. Just as I also see that my story and everything that I went through is almost identical to what many people have been through when being in a relationship with a pwBPD. I handled a lot... .for 5 years... .to know and to see that this person was easy to just dispose of me as if I never meant anything is just hard to grasp, but is a fact! was worst is that I saw the red flags... .I knew it all along but chose to blind myself to it. I guess is 3 times more hard for me to grasp because i feel i gave 300%+ to this relationship and got nothing but pain in return.

[C.Stein]

The two most difficult things for me to process with my loss was being replaced before she discarded me and how easily she deleted me from her life with no apparent sorrow, guilt or remorse.  I am still struggling to come to terms with these two things.  It is admittedly exceptionally difficult to rationalize how someone you completely believed in, who you never thought could treat you like that, did. 

Unfortunately there is no easy way to deal with this, it is something you (and myself) will eventually just have to accept.  Knowing this doesn't make it any easier to deal with the pain though, but it will eventually subside.  Believe it will get better because it will eventually.