36 year old single mom who swept me off my feet

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

As many would start their first thread... .where to begin? I dated a 36 year old single mom who, like most BPD's, swept me off my feet in no time at all. I always sensed something was "off" but so easy to ignore when their 100% attention is on you. She just short of demanded me move in after about 2 months of dating, which I complied and the truth, not that she ever admits to it, started to rear it's ugly head. I realized she was way behind on her mortgage and started to feel why I was so pressed into moving in. Well I then discovered a facebook message toan ex fling that stated that he left his jeans at her house, he had come there while I was at work. That was it for me, I was very calm when I left and so was she but I did not make it outta the neighborhood when she started the lengthy, accusatory texting. This went on with emails as well for everyday for about two months, me staying basically NC. We would contact each other occasionaly over the next two years and even hung out once but it was so dull I told myself, not again. She would text everyday for about another month and then it calmed again. Well about a month ago I let her know I appreciated her for showing me how to be a parent. Well this has opened up all over and she is contacting me daily of course hot and cold, erratic, etc. We decided to spend some time together after she basically begged and it was a nice time. At the end of the night I stayed but there just didn't seem to be any chemistry physically until I made a move and believed she "complied" to get ahold of me again. During this time we spent toghether, she was complaining about an old "friend" who wouldn't get the hint, this has been going on for YEARS, with her holding steady that she doesn't lead him on and that she has told him over and over that they are just friends even though her "marks" ex wife blames my BPD for ending their marriage. The erratic behavior my BPD displays is pushing me away quickly and know I find out she has being dishonest about going to her "marks" house to finish painting his daughters room. I do fall into the what ifs with her but I also know she always has a few on the hook. I need to detach and was wondering what is the most effective and least dramatic way tp let her know we should not talk for awhile?

[searching11]

As many would start their first thread... .where to begin? I dated a 36 year old single mom who, like most BPD's, swept me off my feet in no time at all. I always sensed something was "off" but so easy to ignore when their 100% attention is on you. She just short of demanded me move in after about 2 months of dating, which I complied and the truth, not that she ever admits to it, started to rear it's ugly head. I realized she was way behind on her mortgage and started to feel why I was so pressed into moving in. Well I then discovered a facebook message toan ex fling that stated that he left his jeans at her house, he had come there while I was at work. That was it for me, I was very calm when I left and so was she but I did not make it outta the neighborhood when she started the lengthy, accusatory texting. This went on with emails as well for everyday for about two months, me staying basically NC. We would contact each other occasionaly over the next two years and even hung out once but it was so dull I told myself, not again. She would text everyday for about another month and then it calmed again. Well about a month ago I let her know I appreciated her for showing me how to be a parent. Well this has opened up all over and she is contacting me daily of course hot and cold, erratic, etc. We decided to spend some time together after she basically begged and it was a nice time. At the end of the night I stayed but there just didn't seem to be any chemistry physically until I made a move and believed she "complied" to get ahold of me again. During this time we spent toghether, she was complaining about an old "friend" who wouldn't get the hint, this has been going on for YEARS, with her holding steady that she doesn't lead him on and that she has told him over and over that they are just friends even though her "marks" ex wife blames my BPD for ending their marriage. The erratic behavior my BPD displays is pushing me away quickly and know I find out she has being dishonest about going to her "marks" house to finish painting his daughters room. I do fall into the what ifs with her but I also know she always has a few on the hook. I need to detach and was wondering what is the most effective and least dramatic way tp let her know we should not talk for awhile?

[Newton]

Hi there searching11   ... .welcome to bpdfamily.com... .

Yep it's all too easy to ignore red flags when we are being idolized by someone... .I have a few of those T shirts  

This doesn't sound like a person you can trust... .regardless of BPD traits, plus it must be rather unsettling to hear about other 'suitors' it seems she is content to keep hanging on.  Would you consider your status with her as different than this?... .

This may seem a blunt approach as a solution to your question... .if you want to detach, and you want it to be effective, imo not communicating at all would work.  When you have reached out with messages before, she repeats the same behaviour.  :)oes this seem a fair appraisal of the dynamic between you two?... .

[searching11]

Thank you for the reply. Yes, I have invited her back in on some levels. She actually just told me she feels I am getting ready to vanish again. I told her my boundaries do not allow dishonesty and of course, she started taking shots at me. She even stated that maybe she should get with him cause he doesn't judge her. Per usual , I kept my calm and admitted that by no means have I been perfect