false starts or over sensitive

[Didntdeservethat]

Ive been seperated from my ex BP, BPD Scitzophenic gf for just over 4mths 3mths nc after confronting her on her stealing and lying to me. Now in the last month ive started seeing a few other woman just dinners etc nothing intimate except one disastrous evening. Without sounding over the top i am very honest with them about how damaged i am but i am finding they all start getting a lil clingy by about the third date. Over and above that i am hypersensitive and searching for signs of my last traumatic experience. Its unfair on these girls but i cant let go and i find the more i try and fail the more im swinging back towards my depression.  I am failing miserably and feel i may never recover from the trauma of my three yrs of abuse. Can someone please tell me how they moved on, i want to. This pain is relentless and exhaustive.

[Moselle]

Hi Didntdeservethat,

Sorry you're having such a difficult time at the moment.

Have you got someone you can talk to. A therapist or close family member?

I recognise the emotions from my own experience with a BPD significant other. It definitely helps to talk about it with a good listener.

What makes it so painful?

[donotunderstand]

Didntdeservethat, we are here to listen, everytime you feel bad, write. I'm also dealing with the same question as you do. I don't know when time comes, to heal my heart, but it gets easier every time you wake up. Not all day, but it goes away at the moment. I had really bad New year day, I cried all day long.

I don't go for a date, still not. I just don't feel like, because I'm not prepared to open my heart. I have few new frends now, I go for a coffe, or a drink, I'm taking a quitar lessons now, yesterday I started. So I found myself now more and more every day.

It comes due all day to remember of him, but not as much as one month ago.

You don't have tu rush, just go with the flow you know? 

[Caley]

As painful as the consideration might be ... you might consider the possibility that 'dating' is not helping you here and adding further pain to existing unresolved trauma. It is horrible when someone you care about, and have trusted, has lied and stolen from you ... although it is admirable and honest to explain to a date your situation ... you're not turning up for the date in a capacity that is going to be a positive experience for your date or you.

I know how tempting it is to want to reach out for company when you're feeling low ... at the same time though ... you might want to consider that you're not ready to give, romantically, yet. If your dates appear clingy after a few dates then you might very well be feeling drained and being pulled into more relationships which are not healthy for you, or them.

As hard as it is ... this, perhaps, isn't the time to be dating until you have processed what has happened to you. There is a wealth of information here ... on this site and available via the moderators that give so much of their time in dedicated support and recovery.

You will come out of this ... and if you take advantage of this site and the well wishes of the people here ... you will come out of this with the tools to spot healthy relationships and the knowledge to recognise unhealthy ones.

Best wishes to you.