Day 3 NC

[kc sunshine]

Today is our third day of NC and I'm feeling a little bit of relief at last--a little bit of blue sky, and a feeling of being able to breathe again.

[blackbirdsong]

Today is our third day of NC and I'm feeling a little bit of relief at last--a little bit of blue sky, and a feeling of being able to breathe again.

Hi,

Great feeling, right? I remember that one.

But just to prepare you. The feeling will pass, believe me. And you will feel bad and insecure, for a time. It is OK and normal process in recovery after this type of relationship. Just don't judge your decision, even when you feel bad. Trust me, most of us are going through this. But the good news is that good moments come again.

Just don't ask me how many times this cycle repeats, I am still counting... . 

[FlyingJ]

I'm on day 29. The first week was easy. My anger carried me. It was as if a large stone was lifted off of my back. After that, for about 2 weeks it got rough. I would breakdown wherever I was. I leaned not to suppress those feelings and to just let them out as they come. This strategy helped a lot. For about the past 4 days I have been feeling more evergetic, happy, and looking back and starting to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. I'm thinking of all the red flags and how I learned to "overlook" those just to have her by my side. I guess you can say I literally handed my self respect, pride, dignity, values, morals, and soul and let her do what she wanted. I lost myself. During those two weeks (after anger) I didn't even know who I was. I felt non existent. I felt dead. I knew that this was merely "breaking the habit" of what I've known for 3 years. I had(ve) been re-wiring my brain to adapt to the enormous change. By far the quietest moments are undoubtly the hardest because that's when it's the most noisiest in my head. Stay busy, stay active. Force yourself to do things. Go out, get a beer, see a movie, watch a game at a sports bar. Relearn you. It's still a struggle for me no doubt, but it'll get easier. Fight through that grieving time and it'll get better.

[Lonely_Astro]

Today was day #3 of NC for me too.  It was also the first day that I saw her since we went NC (we work together).  I'm pretty certain she was placing herself into my view, though.  My office is walking distance to a coffee shop that I stop at every morning.  I mean every morning I go there, like clockwork.  Guess who walked through the door at the normal time I'm there?  Yep.  Her.  I stood around for a minute and she just stood and sulked like a whipped dog.  I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed back to my office.  I settled in and started getting everything ready for the day.  Guess who walked by my door at a quick pace?  Uh-huh, J.  The funny thing about that is that J had to purposely walk by my door.  Her department is at a different entrance than mine, which meant she purposely took my entrance to walk by my door.

I felt so many emotions.  I can't even begin to describe how many.  Mostly I felt anxious.  It was like being on eggshells again.  I could feel my pulse quicken, my adrenaline starting to flow.  Still trying to manipulate me.   

[kc sunshine]

Well day 3 only lasted until the afternoon. At about 3:30 I started to get a bad feeling again, and then she called at @3:40! Has that happened to you all? That you get a bad feeling and then they contact you soon after?

We didn't talk, only texted a bit, with me telling her that I was not going to come back to the town we both live for a while, until I feel a little better. She stopped texting me after I said that... .mad at me maybe? I have to try not to worry about that.

Anyway, I guess I'm back to day 1. I don't think she'll be contacting me again-- there is no reason to since I'm in a different city.

[FlyingJ]

Yes I usually get premonitions that I'll hear from "her" or if my phone goes off and I hear it, a voice in my head will say "it's her" and it usually is.

[once removed]

hey kc sunshine  

i meant to reply the other day to tell you that i thought you were handling her slights pretty well, but personally i was thinking her behavior sounded to me like unneeded toxicity in your life. i see now youve gone no contact.

no contact is not a hard and fast rule, and i think it helps not to think of it as lifestyle. its one tool of many, to help you detach. the fact that you spoke, although you may feel set back, is not the equivalent of breaking a diet or relapsing. youre free to continue as you were. if you talk occasionally, or however many times more, it is what it is.

it may help to clarify your goals for yourself, though. if you decide (or have decided) that contact results in pain, and you want no more of it, then responding to her contact defeats the purpose. if it makes you uncomfortable to flat out not respond, thats fine, but it will go a long way for you to set boundaries around contact.

what might those boundaries look like?