I've been replaced by a group of her friends...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I was recently discarded and replaced by a group of her new friends... .it was starting when we were still together and she had already started to idealise them when we were together and had already started to devalue them before suddenly discarding me... .

The main reason I got for my discard (via text) was that she wasn't in the right head space to give me (or anyone else) the emotional relationship I "deserved" this came the day after she told me how much she was into me and wanted to progress and live together, blah, blah, blah... .you all know the story... .

It's a bit of an odd bunch who had been less than supportive of our relationship which I think was rotted in envy since none of them are in a relationship. I also thing from what I've read so far that they're likely BPD as well... .

It's bizarre really... .has anyone had a similar experience?

[Brab]

I was recently discarded and replaced by a group of her new friends... .it was starting when we were still together and she had already started to idealise them when we were together and had already started to devalue them before suddenly discarding me... .

The main reason I got for my discard (via text) was that she wasn't in the right head space to give me (or anyone else) the emotional relationship I "deserved" this came the day after she told me how much she was into me and wanted to progress and live together, blah, blah, blah... .you all know the story... .

It's a bit of an odd bunch who had been less than supportive of our relationship which I think was rotted in envy since none of them are in a relationship. I also thing from what I've read so far that they're likely BPD as well... .

It's bizarre really... .has anyone had a similar experience?

[Rmbrworst]

The main reason I got for my discard (via text) was that she wasn't in the right head space to give me (or anyone else) the emotional relationship I "deserved" this came the day after she told me how much she was into me and wanted to progress and live together, blah, blah, blah... .you all know the story... .

Uck.  Yes!  The day before ... ."I'm dedicated to you, I love you, you are my priority, I'm so happy to be moving toward."

12 hours later ... .

"I'm not in the head space to care for anybody, I need time alone."

Then replaced me with his ex boyfriend the same night.

Not exactly the same, but similar enough.  My heart goes out to you so much. You are not alone.  I know what you are feeling right now.  So painful my friend.

He would also devalue his ex right before getting back with him.

Not a group of friends, but I don't think it matters what it is they do this with.  An ex.  A family member, a group of friends.  It's all the same

Much love.

[jujux15]

Yup. Got into college met a group of people she really wanted to be friends with. The closer she got to them the more she distanced herself from me, next thing I knew I was just a friend. The jacked up thing is she has trouble making friends of the opposite sex and I supported her in making those friends

[SybilVane]

My exBPD moved to other city in order to share a flat with a friend (gay)

He started to go to a lot of LGBTs parties. And I started to feel him slipping away from me.

I know BPD people can have some 'sexual identity crisis'. I let it go, I thought "ok, he has the right to experience it'. Useless. I could not compete with such new world. So I left.

(and he treated me as *any girl* he could simply f**ck in some random pub toilette.)

I blocked him everywhere. No news from him.

What really hurts me is the fact we've been together for more than two years. I could expect more consideration. I tried to adopt a 'no hard feelings' approach, but he wanted so much to make me feel 'he simply doesnt care' I just decided to let it go in order to find piece of mind.

I'm fine, but there are some moments everything I would like its just a 'sorry'.

It's so heavy when we dedicate ourselves to someone and BOOM. Just faded in the air.

Anyway, no hope he can feel some responsability. He choose the coward way. I dont think he cares about it. He doesnt care even about himself... .

I

[Brab]

Yes, this has been a very strange and very painful experience... .

This group of friends she has taken up with had been vehemently opposed to our relationship from the start. They are part of a broader social circle that my ex and I share so they know who I am by sight but they don't "know" me if that makes sense. I've never spoken with any of them but I've always given a polite nod and smile when I ran into them.

From what my ex has told me as well as my own observations, they all seem to hate men in general and two of them are a bit unsure of their own sexuality, I also think one has designs on my ex. It's a bit like the "she woman man haters club"... .regardless, none of them are in a relationship so there's the envy factor as well. My kid sister sees her and her new mob around town and says they're incredibly smug and arrogant... .without the credentials to back it up if you know what I mean... .such a stark contrast from the sweet, shy and demure girl she who presented herself to me... .

One of the things I find so hurtful is that I'm not cut from that cloth. I really am just a decent nice guy and that's how my ex was treated throughout our relationship as well as our break up. I was kind, loving and respectful, never pointed fingers or placed blame. I just did as she requested accepted her decision and I've been strict nc since the break up six weeks ago. I can only wonder how I'm being portrayed to this mob. Things like that don't usually bother me but this whole affair has really shaken me to the core.

Although my ex has never expressed any proclivities in this area, her two other best friends are lesbian and when she started to open up about past relationships... .every one was volatile and abusive, both emotionally and physically and she is also the victim of a sexual assault. That's the world according to her at least but who knows really... .

I've just found all of this so, so confusing and hurtful. I ran into her by accident the other day and it was as if none of this had ever happened and I'm reasonably sure she would have happily started things up again... .I've never experienced anything like this and would enjoy hearing any similar experiences... .

[Confused?]

It's how I was replaced for the second time. She met a group of girls through her work and started hanging out with them. Met a guy through one of them and that was my replacement. So prepare yourself.

[Brab]

I doubt she would meet another guy through the group she's keeping time with now as they've always told her she shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone right now and they absolutely hate men... .it's extraordinary really... .

Well, nothing, absolutely nothing would surprise me at this point... .all I know is she is NOT who I thought she was. My biggest challenge will be to maintain nc and let her go... .

Based on my last meeting with her, I doubt I've heard the last of her but I have healed enough to realise that to get together with her again will end badly. I managed to be kind and loving this time as well as maintain my dignity (no begging pleading or anything, just ok, I understand and hope you find some peace) tho I don't think I'll be able to do that on round 2.

Even if she does replace me with another guy, I can be very sure it will explode sooner rather than later and if I had to guess, she'd try and recycle another ex... .

All that said, I can't deny she still has a very strong pull on me and I'm at a loss to understand why... .she isn't even that attractive... .I just don't get it

[Anez]

Beat down the fantasy of her, BRab. It's easy to focus on the good parts of her and what you miss but give the bad parts just as much attention and each day it will get easier.

I keep telling myself these things over and over ... .even out loud sometimes - She's the devil. She destroyed my marriage. She hurt me really badly. She threw me away.

I have weak moments, sure, but anytime I think of a good moment with her I repeat those bad moments. over and over again.

I'm nowhere near 100 percent but I'm making steps. you can, too. small steps.

[Brab]

Thanks Anez... .glad to hear you're moving forward... .

I started a list of all her vile behaviour and attributes and it just gets longer and longer... .also playing the movie through from the break up with a clear realisation how much of a horror show that would have been, particlarly over the holidays and having to suffer spending time with her odious new pals... .I don't suffer fools gladly and I'm sure I would have lost my rag sooner rather than later... .

Point is, no matter what I did or said in our r/s... .the end game was going to be the same and that's just never going to change... .

I'm not going to put myself out there until I return from India but I did have dinner with an old ex on Saturday and I came away feeling more hopeful than I have since this all happened. She's a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, well spoken woman just in a whole different league from my exBPD and I know she has always had sincere and genuine "grown up" love for me, we just didn't work out as sometimes these things don't but nothing like this last dalliance. I'm still so baffled at how "unwell" I became in this relationship and how much effort it's taken to begin to heal... .just baffled