Thinking back what were some strange things you saw

[Itstopsnow]

I never really thought he suffered any depression. He never said he was or talked about it. But last winter he used to go 2 to 3 days sometimes 4 without showering! Such gross hygene sometimes! But he was mostly very well groomed. He must of been depressed . I asked him a few times if he was because when you don't shower for 4 days there is usually some mental health issue if you aren't physically sick . And last summer he put on 35 pounds in about 4 to 6 months. Then he lost it the following year by skipping lunch he claims. Now I realize he must of been having binging episodes when he gained all that weight. He blamed me for his weight gain. That we eat bad but I didn't gain anything . He had to be going home and binging. And when he lost it. Those are what they call anorexic fasts. He gets extremely thin too. He was 6ft and his weight would flux from 175 (too thin) to 220 too chubby. I never said anything about the gain or the loss. But I noticed it. Now I see all these things are other symptoms of the illness. It's true what they say hinge sight! 20/20. Another funny thing, he would call me mental for having an eating disorder. When mine has been at bay since 2006. I was a good healthy weight our whole relationship 130 at 5'4. And he threw my depression in my face. What a jerk! At least depression and eating disorders can go into remission. I did go down to 115. When we broke up because of the stress. I'm doing better now at 121. But it just shows you how many things are truly going on with them at any given moment. Nothing ever seems to be a place of rest for these people. That in and of itself is sad

[jujux15]

She constantly had people texting her apologizing. She told me she can make boyfriends easily. On our first date her friend called me cute and she immediately texted "he's mine!" had no female friends really. Would do almost anything to fit in with people. Didn't like anything about herself. Baby talk. Would get happy when strangers complimented her while mine mattered less and less

[Jazzy]

My ex bf had almost no male friends and the ones he did were very recent. Also most of his male friends were at least 20 years younger than him and they were colleagues  with whom it was important he got along.  He had lots of women friends  though, and used to tell me at least once a week how much women liked him. He worshipped his mother but was always talking against his father. He showered once in 3-4 days  when he was not working  , but when he did he would spend at least 45 minutes under the water as " it relieved his stress". Although he was extremely good looking , his dress sense was very poor. However he always wanted me to look my best so that he could" show me off". He always smiled when others were around  ( now I realize it was fake)but it disappeared the moment we were alone except in the first few months when he was busy winning me over. I had to be understanding about all his issues: health, family, financial, work etc but I was not supposed to have any problems myself. The day after my father passed away he spoke about the problems he was having with his new colleagues while I was told to " move on as it is a part of life " and not discuss my grief at all.

[GreenEyedMonster]

My ex talked about how much he liked to get up and go to work in the morning.  He worked for a temp agency and would get assigned jobs on a day to day basis.  The demand for his skills in this area is enough that he could work every day if he wanted to.  He doesn't earn much money this way, despite having an advanced degree.

I'd go on Facebook, and see that he had been at home playing with his toy collection all day.  This was not for lack of work hours available.  I couldn't figure out why a grown man would want to spend so much time doing nothing or next to nothing when the whole wide world is out there.  The phrase that came to mind at the time was "arrested development."  This was before we were dating.  What kind of middle-aged man sits in his mom and dad's basement all day, playing with toys, when he could go to work?  Major  

His obsession with posting things on Facebook about his previous girlfriend, despite being involved with me, also weirded me out.  If he needed support or help recovering from that relationship, a venue like this would have been appropriate.  Someone once told me that love and hate are two sides of the same coin; hate is the emotion we feel toward someone we want or need something from who will not deliver it.  The fact that he hated his other ex so passionately told me from the beginning that if she would have showed up again and agreed to meet his needs this time, he might have been game.  He seemed to (maybe subconsciously) be hell-bent on getting what he felt he deserved from her, as he probably is with me at this point.  

Someone who is really over another person post-breakup has an understanding that the relationship was not going to meet his needs and is ready to move on to someone who *can* meet his needs.  They are not obsessed with how the previous partner just couldn't or wouldn't deliver.

[Itstopsnow]

Mine ex BF also did stupid baby talk! He was extremely good looking. But didn't have a very masculine way to him. He also had a poor sense of fashion sense. But was usually well kept. Unless I guess thinking now in a depression. He had lots of odd childish ways. He was obsessed with anything Disney! We went to Disneyworld 3 times and Disneyland once . Arrested development definitely!

[Rmbrworst]

Very strange.

My ex was also obsessed with childish things, especially Disney.  He wanted to go all the time.  He also baby talked quite a bit, and made like whiny baby noises.  As other people have said, he also stayed at home all the time. He didn't like going out in public that much.  Sometimes instead of hanging out with me for the weekend, he would say he just "wanted to be alone with the cat".

Also, as others have noted, he didn't really have a lot of friends.  He had about . . . 2 or 3 friends, two of them he's had for over a decade (which is good), but their interactions were VERY superficial.  In comparison, I have literally hundreds of friends, and I would say about . . . 30 of them I trust enough to call up and interact with on a very personal level.  Meaning discuss relationships, hardships, etc.

During our relationship he said he never talked to ANYBODY about our struggles, not even his closest friends.

That always struck me as odd.  It's human nature to engage and talk things out.  He kept every single thing inside.  I feel truly sad for him.  Even though he's done terrible things, I do not think he did them with any ill will, and I feel like he's actually a very sweet and nice person . . . but he has no real TRUE friendships!  My heart aches for myself and for him!

[mywifecrazy]

She constantly hadpeople texting her apologizing. had no female friends really. Didn't like anything about herself. Baby talk.

Yes the CONSTANT texting. I had her phone records and it was psychotic the amount of texting she did from the time she got up till she went to bed

No female friends at all. This was a major  that I ignored. My replacement is currently ignoring this one as well.

Yes she was always talking down about herself. Her looks, intelligence, morals, etc. I didn't realize it a the time but looking back I now realize that she was just trying to soothe herself by fishing for compliments.

BABY TALK BABY TALK its a wonder you can walk. God I FAREEKING HATED-HATED-HATED the baby talk especially when we were trying to be intimate. Talk about ruining the mood  this was also a major  that I ignored but its also something that when I look back makes me feel sorry for her because it really illustrates just how sick she is  :'(

MWC... .

[mywifecrazy]

I was not supposed to have any problems myself. The day after my father passed away he spoke about the problems he was having with his new colleagues while I was told to " move on as it is a part of life " and not discuss my grief at all.

Wow this brought back a bad memory. My father passed away without warning when I was dating my uBPDxw. A few days afterwards I was in tears thinking about my Dad and she says to me "You're no fun anymore"... .:'      Talk about insensitive! I could have slapped her! All she could think about was how she wasn't being ENTERTAINED by me  . My God was I young and stupid to be so blind and unhealthy myself back then!

MWC... .

[Teereese]

I was not supposed to have any problems myself. The day after my father passed away he spoke about the problems he was having with his new colleagues while I was told to " move on as it is a part of life " and not discuss my grief at all.

Wow this brought back a bad memory. My father passed away without warning when I was dating my uBPDxw. A few days afterwards I was in tears thinking about my Dad and she says to me "You're no fun anymore"... .:'      Talk about insensitive! I could have slapped her! All she could think about was how she wasn't being ENTERTAINED by me  . My God was I young and stupid to be so blind and unhealthy myself back then!

MWC... .

Oh my, the feels... .

My stbxh was the same.

I had a miscarriage, he tells me to "get over it".

He had a toothache and my world had to stop because he can't call for an appointment with a toothache.

I had extreme pain, "drive yourself to ER, I have work." I call him from ER as I am being admitted for emergency surgery. He tells friends and family he is unaware of where I am or what happened because I don't tell him anything. Then he tells me not to expect him to "take care of me"

He has back surgery, I am his wife, nurse, entertainer and anything else he needs all in one.

I really thought I was crazy for so long. I drank the BPD punch.

[Lonely_Astro]

Yes the CONSTANT texting. I had her phone records and it was psychotic the amount of texting she did from the time she got up till she went to bed

No female friends at all. This was a major  that I ignored. My replacement is currently ignoring this one as well.

Yes she was always talking down about herself. Her looks, intelligence, morals, etc. I didn't realize it a the time but looking back I now realize that she was just trying to soothe herself by fishing for compliments.

BABY TALK BABY TALK its a wonder you can walk. God I FAREEKING HATED-HATED-HATED the baby talk especially when we were trying to be intimate. Talk about ruining the mood  this was also a major  that I ignored but its also something that when I look back makes me feel sorry for her because it really illustrates just how sick she is  :'(

MWC... .

My ex was ALWAYS texting.  When I stop and think about it, I can only think of a handful of times she didn't text when we were together (I mean constantly).  I had talk after talk with her about how it made me feel unimportant when she would text while we were having lunch/dinner and conversing yet it didn't change anything.

She has plenty of girlfriends.  Oddly enough, she never mentioned guys.  Of course when she got flowers at work one day that I asked about (they weren't from me!), she said a gf of hers had sent them as an apology for a fight they had been in.  Turns out, it was a guy she had been dating behind my back for almost a month that sent them  .  She was/is constantly on instagram/snapchat with her "friends" (all girls, of course).  I chose to ignore the truth for far to long.  Even now, even though we are over, I see her on her phone every time I pass her work station.

J never did baby talk.  But, to be honest, I always felt that J was stuck at 14.  Maybe that's why there was no baby talk... .?

[jujux15]

I do really have to sympathize with them though even though they put me through a world of hurt. She would often ask me advice on how to get girlfriends, she just couldn't make them long term. I soon realized it's because either they'd drop her or she'd Push them away eventually she'd actually Push them away for a bf! But when she got me she pushed me away from friends. Very odd I feel like their lack of mental maturity is something we all noticed though. I don't have much common sense admittedly but the things shed do would have me scratching my head

[Jazzy]

My ex watched a lot of films , sometimes the same film 3 or 4 times. He would learn up lines from the movies and rattle them off later as if they were his own !

[StillRecovering]

Yes the CONSTANT texting. I had her phone records and it was psychotic the amount of texting she did from the time she got up till she went to bed

No female friends at all. This was a major  that I ignored. My replacement is currently ignoring this one as well.

Over the course of less than a year-long relationship I received close to 100,000 texts from her.  That's about 250 per day.  I think the constant texting comes from their need for attention and worry as loss combined with the fact that their lack of good communication skills make it much easier to text rather than communicate in person or talk on the phone.

She had friends, but would not let them get close to her.  She has a whole life that they don't know about.  The actual person is completely different than who her "friends" think she is. 

[MakingMyWay]

My ex would text constantly and freak out when I wasn't texting her. At first it was a good thing, because it seemed like she was so interested in talking to me but it got old real fast. It slowed down a lot when she started devaluing me. I knew when she was in a bad mood, because she wouldn't be texting me. The baby voice was another thing that started out as a positive, I thought it was cute at first. But then she would barely talk to me in a normal voice and it got so annoying!

[mywifecrazy]

Yes the CONSTANT texting. I had her phone records and it was psychotic the amount of texting she did from the time she got up till she went to bed

No female friends at all. This was a major  that I ignored. My replacement is currently ignoring this one as well.

Over the course of less than a year-long relationship I received close to 100,000 texts from her.  That's about 250 per day.  I think the constant texting comes from their need for attention and worry as loss combined with the fact that their lack of good communication skills make it much easier to text rather than communicate in person or talk on the phone.

She had friends, but would not let them get close to her.  She has a whole life that they don't know about.  The actual person is completely different than who her "friends" think she is.

Yes that many texts is extremely obsessive behavior... .Scary even!

Looking back its also very Scarry when I found out about her double life. The amount of energy required to keep up these types of charades is mind boggling!

MWC... . 

[Itstopsnow]

I agree, who has time to have double lives. It sounds daunting. No wonder my ex never kept a job too long. The relationships in his personal life took up too much time! I really think so much more goes on with them under the surface that we don't even know about.

[JaneStorm]

My ex bf had almost no male friends and the ones he did were very recent. Also most of his male friends were at least 20 years younger than him and they were colleagues  with whom it was important he got along.  He had lots of women friends  though, and used to tell me at least once a week how much women liked him. He worshipped his mother but was always talking against his father. He showered once in 3-4 days  when he was not working  , but when he did he would spend at least 45 minutes under the water as " it relieved his stress". Although he was extremely good looking , his dress sense was very poor. However he always wanted me to look my best so that he could" show me off". He always smiled when others were around  ( now I realize it was fake)but it disappeared the moment we were alone except in the first few months when he was busy winning me over. I had to be understanding about all his issues: health, family, financial, work etc but I was not supposed to have any problems myself. The day after my father passed away he spoke about the problems he was having with his new colleagues while I was told to " move on as it is a part of life " and not discuss my grief at all.

Uncanny.

The only male friend mine ever talked about (other than work colleagues) was from 20 years ago and he refused to visit or call him. Always made an excuse.

Almost the very same story. Wow.

[blackbirdsong]

I didn't notice this type of behaviour here in your descriptions but my ex had really strange opinion regarding the showing intimacy in public.

As our relationship evolved she lossened this type of behavior but not too much.

She avoided giving me a kiss in a public, holding hands, any other type of emotional closeness... .

I am not a teenager who does this 24/7 when I am out but I found her behavior too extreme in this domain. I ask her about this, she just said that she needs time to relax and that it makes her uncomfortable. I accepted that but now it makes me wonder did you experience something similar?

[jujux15]

I didn't notice this type of behaviour here in your descriptions but my ex had really strange opinion regarding the showing intimacy in public.

As our relationship evolved she lossened this type of behavior but not too much.

She avoided giving me a kiss in a public, holding hands, any other type of emotional closeness... .

I am not a teenager who does this 24/7 when I am out but I found her behavior too extreme in this domain. I ask her about this, she just said that she needs time to relax and that it makes her uncomfortable. I accepted that but now it makes me wonder did you experience something similar?

I never experienced that my ex was very weird about social media she'd be hesitant to put me up and very sparingly called me her bf. On our anniversary she posted a selfie! But yeah I think this stems from the fact that if she wants a replacement it'd be difficult if the replacement knew about you so they make it as low key as possible or as they see fit

[blackbirdsong]

I didn't notice this type of behaviour here in your descriptions but my ex had really strange opinion regarding the showing intimacy in public.

As our relationship evolved she lossened this type of behavior but not too much.

She avoided giving me a kiss in a public, holding hands, any other type of emotional closeness... .

I am not a teenager who does this 24/7 when I am out but I found her behavior too extreme in this domain. I ask her about this, she just said that she needs time to relax and that it makes her uncomfortable. I accepted that but now it makes me wonder did you experience something similar?

I never experienced that my ex was very weird about social media she'd be hesitant to put me up and very sparingly called me her bf. On our anniversary she posted a selfie! But yeah I think this stems from the fact that if she wants a replacement it'd be difficult if the replacement knew about you so they make it as low key as possible or as they see fit

Who knows, maybe I was just a replacement... .

[Welgrow]

Blackbirdsong,

It would seem that we are all replacements for the parents they wish they had. Something in their childhood (much like our own) was out of whack.

My daughter's mom was diagnosed BPD but I don't remember baby talk from her. She was/is a complete mess, can't function in society, and is currently incarcerated. I have no difficulty seeing her for what she is. She is extremely sick.

My recent undiagnosed ex was so different. She was sharp, professional, witty, successful, and everything I wanted in a woman (so I thought). She did the baby talk too. It was cute and endearing and playful and silly, and now I know that she was just doing what she had to do in order to cope and function. She was so submissive and inspired so much empathy. She always wanted me to tell her what to do.

[thisworld]

I saw and heard some very strange things but the eeriest was too much baby voice. Way to much baby voice. I had never seen anything like that in a man before, not to this degree. At times, it was scary when combined with a sadistic grin. I still cringe.

Oh, also "splicing." Doing something pretty angry, aggressive etc and changing just in a second with a large smile and becoming an almost different person. Zero visible connection between the moods, no fading, nothing. It was very strange, too.