My BPDex broke nc

[HumbleHeart]

A few days ago my ex added me on fb and today she told me to call her. She said she was just checking up on me and wondered if I was okay. To summarize the convo she told she wishes I treated her worse and that I wasted my time, she was kinda laughing at the fact that I told her I would always care (she even got somewhat upset because I told her I wanted her to be okay. I did everything and more for her and she didn't wanna live the life I wanted with her. I don't know how to feel, my guy feels weird but I'm not heartbroken like I used to be. I just wish things we're different and I could actually build something with her because I'll always love her. But I've accepted the fact that it's over.

[Rmbrworst]

Very sad to hear that she she wishes you treated her worse, and very sad that she seemed to laugh at your sincerity.

It sounds like you made the right decision to move on.  It doesn't sound like a very positive or truly loving interaction.  It sounds like she wanted contact more for herself than for you.  At least it seems that way to me. 

I wish things were different with my BPD ex as well . . . but if he ever does contact me (which most say he will eventually) I will have the boundaries in place to carry on the conversation. 

Do you feel like your broke any boundaries? 

Dont let the person suck you back into anything negative my friend.  Thanks for sharing what happened.

[HumbleHeart]

Very sad to hear that she she wishes you treated her worse, and very sad that she seemed to laugh at your sincerity.

It sounds like you made the right decision to move on.  It doesn't sound like a very positive or truly loving interaction.  It sounds like she wanted contact more for herself than for you.  At least it seems that way to me. 

I wish things were different with my BPD ex as well . . . but if he ever does contact me (which most say he will eventually) I will have the boundaries in place to carry on the conversation. 

Do you feel like your broke any boundaries? 

Dont let the person suck you back into anything negative my friend.  Thanks for sharing what happened.

Thank you for taking the time out to reply to my post, I really appreciate it. But my mistake was asking if she even ever loved me because I feel like it made me look weak and clingy in her eyes. She doesn't want any help or support from me at all and it even upsets her that I put as much effort in her as I did. But even through all of that pain I still can't help but to feel bad for not being able to help her in the end. It breaks my heart tbh but you're right, she only brought negativity to my life so all I can do is move on and find a healthy partner

[hopealways]

Very sad to hear that she she wishes you treated her worse, and very sad that she seemed to laugh at your sincerity.

It sounds like you made the right decision to move on.  It doesn't sound like a very positive or truly loving interaction.  It sounds like she wanted contact more for herself than for you.  At least it seems that way to me. 

I wish things were different with my BPD ex as well . . . but if he ever does contact me (which most say he will eventually) I will have the boundaries in place to carry on the conversation. 

Do you feel like your broke any boundaries? 

Dont let the person suck you back into anything negative my friend.  Thanks for sharing what happened.

Thank you for taking the time out to reply to my post, I really appreciate it. But my mistake was asking if she even ever loved me because I feel like it made me look weak and clingy in her eyes. She doesn't want any help or support from me at all and it even upsets her that I put as much effort in her as I did. But even through all of that pain I still can't help but to feel bad for not being able to help her in the end. It breaks my heart tbh but you're right, she only brought negativity to my life so all I can do is move on and find a healthy partner

Don't take it hard on yourself. What I have found is the best thing to do is just be yourself. You showed your love by asking her is she ever loved you. It is a fair and honest question.  You can't live your relationship being someone else. They respect you for being who you are. In the end though, no type of person can really deal with an untreated BPD.

[zeus123]

the more you show them love and care the more they hate you and push you away, it's not that a BPD don't want love, but it's that they can't trust it. for a BPD to love means that pain is around the corner and they hate it when you get close to them but on the other hand they will pull you back for fear of abandonment, that is the way that they are wired and there is nothing you can do to help them. we can't repair archaic wounds left over from childhood abandonment by their mother. stay with NC. the only closure you going to get is that you've tried to have functional relationship with a dysfunctional girl.

[HumbleHeart]

Very sad to hear that she she wishes you treated her worse, and very sad that she seemed to laugh at your sincerity.

It sounds like you made the right decision to move on.  It doesn't sound like a very positive or truly loving interaction.  It sounds like she wanted contact more for herself than for you.  At least it seems that way to me. 

I wish things were different with my BPD ex as well . . . but if he ever does contact me (which most say he will eventually) I will have the boundaries in place to carry on the conversation. 

Do you feel like your broke any boundaries? 

Dont let the person suck you back into anything negative my friend.  Thanks for sharing what happened.

Thank you for taking the time out to reply to my post, I really appreciate it. But my mistake was asking if she even ever loved me because I feel like it made me look weak and clingy in her eyes. She doesn't want any help or support from me at all and it even upsets her that I put as much effort in her as I did. But even through all of that pain I still can't help but to feel bad for not being able to help her in the end. It breaks my heart tbh but you're right, she only brought negativity to my life so all I can do is move on and find a healthy partner

Don't take it hard on yourself. What I have found is the best thing to do is just be yourself. You showed your love by asking her is she ever loved you. It is a fair and honest question.  You can't live your relationship being someone else. They respect you for being who you are. In the end though, no type of person can really deal with an untreated BPD.

Thank you for your time. Even though all I wanted for her is to be happy you can't help someone that doesn't wanna be helped. That's what hurts the most, it's like talking to a strager now

[circularref]

A few days ago my ex added me on fb and today she told me to call her. She said she was just checking up on me and wondered if I was okay. To summarize the convo she told she wishes I treated her worse and that I wasted my time, she was kinda laughing at the fact that I told her I would always care (she even got somewhat upset because I told her I wanted her to be okay. I did everything and more for her and she didn't wanna live the life I wanted with her. I don't know how to feel, my guy feels weird but I'm not heartbroken like I used to be. I just wish things we're different and I could actually build something with her because I'll always love her. But I've accepted the fact that it's over.

My BPDex once told me that if I really wanted her to love me, I had to cause her pain. Of course now all she's saying is how she can't be with me because I caused her too much pain.

[C.Stein]

My BPDex once told me that if I really wanted her to love me, I had to cause her pain. Of course now all she's saying is how she can't be with me because I caused her too much pain.

So she needs you to cause her pain so she has someone/something to blame for her hurtful behavior?

[circularref]

My BPDex once told me that if I really wanted her to love me, I had to cause her pain. Of course now all she's saying is how she can't be with me because I caused her too much pain.

So she needs you to cause her pain so she has someone/something to blame for her hurtful behavior?

She told me this at the very beginning of the relationship, I think it was simply a warning of things to come. She didn't need me to cause pain, things that would slightly upset normal people would cause her the deepest pain she ever had. Everything I did that didn't fit her expectations of me was the deepest betrayal she ever had, hurting like no-one has every hurt her before. I always felt like she never knew me, or even bothered to know me. She created this image of who I am in her head, mostly based on stereotypes (like all guys cheat) and would go crazy when there was a mismatch. The revealing part was the final thing she told me when we broke up: "You'll never be the boyfriend I want you to become!".

[C.Stein]

The revealing part was the final thing she told me when we broke up: "You'll never be the boyfriend I want you to become!".

Yea, that is pretty telling.  I told my ex during our last argument/fight that I couldn't be the man she needed me to be (a lapdog/doormat).

[HumbleHeart]

the more you show them love and care the more they hate you and push you away, it's not that a BPD don't want love, but it's that they can't trust it. for a BPD to love means that pain is around the corner and they hate it when you get close to them but on the other hand they will pull you back for fear of abandonment, that is the way that they are wired and there is nothing you can do to help them. we can't repair archaic wounds left over from childhood abandonment by their mother. stay with NC. the only closure you going to get is that you've tried to have functional relationship with a dysfunctional girl.

Wow thank you for that insight, that really made sense

[HumbleHeart]

A few days ago my ex added me on fb and today she told me to call her. She said she was just checking up on me and wondered if I was okay. To summarize the convo she told she wishes I treated her worse and that I wasted my time, she was kinda laughing at the fact that I told her I would always care (she even got somewhat upset because I told her I wanted her to be okay. I did everything and more for her and she didn't wanna live the life I wanted with her. I don't know how to feel, my guy feels weird but I'm not heartbroken like I used to be. I just wish things we're different and I could actually build something with her because I'll always love her. But I've accepted the fact that it's over.

My BPDex once told me that if I really wanted her to love me, I had to cause her pain. Of course now all she's saying is how she can't be with me because I caused her too much pain.

My ex told me something similar, she said I was supposed to treat her like trash and that there's no good inside of her. It breaks me that she can't see how much I love her

[HumbleHeart]

The revealing part was the final thing she told me when we broke up: "You'll never be the boyfriend I want you to become!".

Yea, that is pretty telling.  I told my ex during our last argument/fight that I couldn't be the man she needed me to be (a lapdog/doormat).

Im in the same boat as you guys, I'm grateful for all the replies