I keep texting regularly that I love her and do not give up (Part 2)

[Davy]

Today is day 4 without contact and I'm not doing very well but I'm still in control of myself.

I decided to make another appointment with my therapist to work out my own issues.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Saradane]

This is great!

No contact is hard, trust me. But it's the best for both of you. The better and stronger you become, the easier it is for you to handle, and the higher the possibility for her to come back. You'll go through really intense spurts of the need to talk to her, but you have to distract yourself somehow.

Maybe reward yourself for every day you don't talk to her? Go see a movie, go have a nice lunch. Something like that.

[Davy]

Allright, made it to day 5 of nc.

Last night I realised something that made me feel better. Every day that I dont contact her my chances increase that she will contact me.

However I think I may have entered a new stage or something. Since this morning I do not feel so sad and anxious anymore.

Instead I feel more angry because of what she is putting me through and about the fact that I did not handlle our situation better.

[Saradane]

Good job, Davy! 

You'll go through many different feelings during the separation. Anger, sadness, numbness, you'll feel it all. The best thing to do is to keep busy no matter how you're feeling because eventually you'll miss her again.

Set small goals. Try to make NC for a week!

[Davy]

Wow I just read https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.msg1549167#msg1549167

This just describes my relationship almost completly accurate.

Maybe I should print it and let my therapist read it?

Anyway today is day 6 of nc. really hoping to hear from her this weekend.

[Davy]

Thanks Saradan

You say try to make no contact for a week.

Tommorow will be a week.

Are you saying that if she has not reached out by then that it might be a good idea for me to reach out?

[1minuteatatime]

Thanks Saradan

You say try to make no contact for a week.

Tomorrow will be a week.

Are you saying that if she has not reached out by then that it might be a good idea for me to reach out?

I wouldn't reach out.  She knows how to contact you. I will be NC for two weeks on Monday.  Each day that goes by makes that pain and such lessen.  You should just try to take it 5 minutes at a time(or one) if you feel that urge.  Walk.  Exercise.  Read.  Work.  Call everyone in your phone but her.  Whatever it is.  Do it.

[Davy]

Day 7 nc.

Dont know if she wants to get back with me but I cant wait around forever wondering.

Last night I went out with friends and ended up in bed with a female friend. We did not have sex but got somewhat intimate.

It felt great. Did wonders for my selfesteem.

I decided to start dating again. Mostly looking for good companionship and who knows. Not ready yet for a new relationship but need to get on with my life

[formflier]

 

Dude, nice work!

FF

[Notwendy]

Great to move on.

And now a word of warning. Getting out there, dating, being close to someone is great. Unless you are using that to escape your anxiety and bad feelings.

This does not mean to stop doing what you are doing. It is great to be letting go of a relationship that may be ended and that caused you so much pain. But what you don't want to do is jump back into the same thing.

This is a huge opportunity to work on yourself ,learn to manage your anxiety, and become more emotionally strong and healthy so that the next relationship is an emotionally healthy one.

If you have co-dependent tendencies, consider this- Co-dependents are addicted to people in a similar manner that alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. Alcoholics drink to escape painful feelings. Co-dependents focus on the needs of other people to avoid their own painful feelings. This is why, if the focus of their attention breaks off a relationship, the co-dependent person can feel as if they are in a withdrawal- much like going cold turkey without a drink. But unlike alcoholics who should not drink at all, a co-dependent is a social human, with social relationships and a need for intimacy like all of us.

And you should have it. Great that you met someone to snuggle with- and that you recognize you are not ready to be serious yet. Honor that.  Continuing to work on yourself can benefit you wherever a relationship leads.