My girlfriend suddenly left me, struggling to handle it, feeling depressed

[LostInMemories]

Hello. Let's first introduce myself. My name is Thijmen, I'm 20 years old and from Holland.

3 years ago I met this amazing girl online. She lives in England. It was love on first sight for the both of us. It seemed like a fairytale, so perfect. We had an internet relationship for little over a year until I finally had the ability to visit her in England (due to health issues). We saw eachother for the first time but it was like we knew eachother for our entire lives. We both had our things (like everybody in a relationship) but we supported and accepted eachothers things. She had severe mood swings and was very insecure about herself and always scared I would leave her or cheat on her, which time after time i promised her I wouldn't. I didn't think anything of it back than and accepted it, because i love her and was extremely happy with her. Looking back on it all the puzzle pieces fall to place now.

After I first visited her we were obviously closer than ever. She immediately booked a trip to Holland after I came back from my trip to her. She was gonna come for new years 2014/2015 (28th dec to 3 Jan). We was both extremely excited obviously. Everything was perfect. Then, 2 days before she was gonna visit, the 26th of december I was having Dinner. She texed me how excited she was to visit and how much she loved me, and if i would skype after dinner (which we always did). 10 minutes later I called her on Skype. She answered and the first thing she said was: I don't know how to say this, but my feelings has changed. I was shocked to say the least, and after hysterically crying on the floor for about 15 minutes i tried to talk to her and asking why. She never gave me a reason, she said she didnt knew herself. From that moment she changed to the point it reallu scared me. I did not recognise her a bit. She turned into a monster, calling me names, laughing at me for crying and being an emotional wreck. She said the worst things to me anyone ever had.

Basically, she gone from adoring me, to hating my guts in about an hour. I know for a fact this didn't play longer, I know her too well for that and i would have noticed. I did never hear of BPD back then, but now I'm 100% certain. All pieces of the puzzle just fell, the mood swings, the low self esteem, the scratching, the suicidal moods, the pushing me away in useless arguments... .And of course the break up. To make it even worse, just 3 days after breaking up I had to find out on Facebook she was back with her ex. I was devastated, eapecially because she always claimed she wasn't 'like that'. I contacted her in a desperate one last move to try and get a reason: WHY... From that moment iI have been blocked on everything. Her dAd got word of what happened and was furious, he forced her to talk to me and explain things. That was the last time I seen her on skype. She looked awful, unhappy, drained. It was so scary. The amazing person i have been with for over 2 years turned into a monster... .

I extremely miss this person. She was my everything. The only thing that is keeping me alive atm is hope... Hope for her ever to get back to her old personality and come back to me. Although i know the chance of this happening again is very big.

I feel like nobody understands me, and why I'm still struggling with it every day. I just wanna know is there anyone else with a similar story? Maybe someone who can give me a reason, or explain to me why these people can switch like that in a matter of minutes. I just need someone to understand, because i feel like nobody does...

This was in short my story. If anyone is interested i can always tell more, but that's too much for now. I hope to find some support here, and offer others my support, because that makes me forget my own problems, and I wanna feel like I do something good for someone after all.

[GoingBack2OC]

Hello. Let's first introduce myself. My name is Thijmen, I'm 20 years old and from Holland.

3 years ago I met this amazing girl online. She lives in England. It was love on first sight for the both of us. It seemed like a fairytale, so perfect. We had an internet relationship for little over a year until I finally had the ability to visit her in England (due to health issues). We saw eachother for the first time but it was like we knew eachother for our entire lives. We both had our things (like everybody in a relationship) but we supported and accepted eachothers things. She had severe mood swings and was very insecure about herself and always scared I would leave her or cheat on her, which time after time i promised her I wouldn't. I didn't think anything of it back than and accepted it, because i love her and was extremely happy with her. Looking back on it all the puzzle pieces fall to place now.

After I first visited her we were obviously closer than ever. She immediately booked a trip to Holland after I came back from my trip to her. She was gonna come for new years 2014/2015 (28th dec to 3 Jan). We was both extremely excited obviously. Everything was perfect. Then, 2 days before she was gonna visit, the 26th of december I was having Dinner. She texed me how excited she was to visit and how much she loved me, and if i would skype after dinner (which we always did). 10 minutes later I called her on Skype. She answered and the first thing she said was: I don't know how to say this, but my feelings has changed. I was shocked to say the least, and after hysterically crying on the floor for about 15 minutes i tried to talk to her and asking why. She never gave me a reason, she said she didnt knew herself. From that moment she changed to the point it reallu scared me. I did not recognise her a bit. She turned into a monster, calling me names, laughing at me for crying and being an emotional wreck. She said the worst things to me anyone ever had.

Basically, she gone from adoring me, to hating my guts in about an hour. I know for a fact this didn't play longer, I know her too well for that and i would have noticed. I did never hear of BPD back then, but now I'm 100% certain. All pieces of the puzzle just fell, the mood swings, the low self esteem, the scratching, the suicidal moods, the pushing me away in useless arguments... .And of course the break up. To make it even worse, just 3 days after breaking up I had to find out on Facebook she was back with her ex. I was devastated, eapecially because she always claimed she wasn't 'like that'. I contacted her in a desperate one last move to try and get a reason: WHY... From that moment iI have been blocked on everything. Her dAd got word of what happened and was furious, he forced her to talk to me and explain things. That was the last time I seen her on skype. She looked awful, unhappy, drained. It was so scary. The amazing person i have been with for over 2 years turned into a monster... .

I extremely miss this person. She was my everything. The only thing that is keeping me alive atm is hope... Hope for her ever to get back to her old personality and come back to me. Although i know the chance of this happening again is very big.

I feel like nobody understands me, and why I'm still struggling with it every day. I just wanna know is there anyone else with a similar story? Maybe someone who can give me a reason, or explain to me why these people can switch like that in a matter of minutes. I just need someone to understand, because i feel like nobody does...

This was in short my story. If anyone is interested i can always tell more, but that's too much for now. I hope to find some support here, and offer others my support, because that makes me forget my own problems, and I wanna feel like I do something good for someone after all.

All I can say is I'm sorry for what you are going through. I am myself facing much the same situation. After 5 years, one month before the dump she was saying how much she was in love with me, could never be without me, the next, I was heartbroken, over, no reason, zip.

All I can say is my attempts to get her to talk/be reasonable/explain- totally futile. I think, as much as we would like to think these girls are our "friends" and we can be open, honest, and ourselves with them- they want men. Crying, groveling, begging, (yes ive done my share)- it ultimately turns them off and makes them nothing but annoyed by the thought of you. As hard as it is hearing that. I think many times for girls thats just the way it is.

My ex has problems. She changed too. I feel I have been fighting for years to get the old her, and the old me back. But it just didnt happen. Ultimately she crushed me.

If I were you (if I could do it over again); I wouldnt have cried, called, texted, nothing. Let her know what she's missing out on. Even if you do nothing but sleep all day and cant even get out of bed, be a mystery, a vapor, nothing and no one.

My point, to her, you should be invisible. This means unfriending her on all networks. Hiding your profile. Become unaccessable.

The truth is, not knowing is tough. Like the saying curiosity killed the cat. Your best bet if you want a future with this girl. Dissapear. She will be left only with wondering what you are up to. And yes, if you did mean anything to her, and if she did love you, she will be thinking of you. She will be wondering about you.

Let me say this:  My ex- after dumping me; visited my LinkedIn profile a number of times (I have the business account version so I can see who looks at me); she has viewed my media online (i can tell by geolocation under analytics it was her). Point being- even though I've been trying to reach her, she's still thinking of me. She's online looking at me. But it's gotten me no where. The more I ask even to talk the more she pulls away.

We want what we can't have. Everyone is somewhat like that. I would recommend being the guy she can't have. And when she tries to get in contact. Don't respond. Make her wait it out.

Its silly. A game. I wish it werent so. But for so many girls, and guys, it's a game.

I always just wanted a best friend who loved me for me. But thats hollywood fiction. Not real life.

[LostInMemories]

thanks Goingback2oc, I have thought of trying that, but I really doubt if she'd be interested if I dissapeared, especially because she got back with her abusive ex... .Which, funny enough she broke up with the same way as she did with me... I doubt if she ever thinks about me, yet I'm sure our love and relationship was real. Thanks for your understanding and support, and its good to hear that I'm not the only one that got dumped this sudden way without a real reason. Thanks

[GoingBack2OC]

thanks Goingback2oc, I have thought of trying that, but I really doubt if she'd be interested if I dissapeared, especially because she got back with her abusive ex... .Which, funny enough she broke up with the same way as she did with me... I doubt if she ever thinks about me, yet I'm sure our love and relationship was real. Thanks for your understanding and support, and its good to hear that I'm not the only one that got dumped this sudden way without a real reason. Thanks

You'll be ok friend. Look, you're 20 right?  When I was 20 I had a girlfriend too. And we loved eachother. But truth is, you're going to do a lot of growing as a person these next 10 years. You are going to have a great trip. Trust me.

I cannot even imagine still being with Jess, the girl I dated 16 years ago (I'm now 36). I just cant. I loved her a LOT. But really; you are going to change a LOT.

You are going to have more relationships, and explore different kinds of love; people, feelings. Embrace that. Yes what you are feeling is down right crappy. Getting dumped is the pits. It hurts your ego. It makes you feel inferior. I know.

But remember that you can take this time to get into shape. Run 5 miles a day. Really. Start tomorrow. 6 months. 5 miles 4-5 days a week. Get it down to 35 minutes. Make that your goal.  Second. Learn to play an instrument. Something cool. 1 hour a day. Piano, guitar. In 6 months you will kick as$.

My point, shape yourself. You will attract great people, and girls, by doing this.

Smile a lot. Make eye contact, solid eye contact with every girl you talk with- even girls who work in supermarkets checking out groceries. Just whenever you talk to someone- make direct eye contact. It's a huge confidence booster.

You will be ok. You are so so young. You have so much time (but dont waste it). Allow yourself to feel the pain, and feel the loss. But remember that falling in love with someone new, someone better, someone- a girl who is so awesome - so cool, well, it's gonna blow your socks off. And you'll be so blown away, this girl right now, um what's her name? Exactly.

Be strong.

PS. On a side note... .Holland. I visited once. I was about 23. I was amazed how beautiful the girls were. Not just physically; but just warm, and so nice. A lovely place.

[LostInMemories]

thanks alot, I'm really gonna try my best to follow your advise. You're right, I won't attract anyone by sitting home being depressed, but atm I can't think of someone else yet... i hope i ever can, and its better to be in shape if I do. And IF my ex would ever come back, well its better to be in good shape aswell. Just the thing is, like this other post said: it's a kind of love, so strong and extreme, only a 'sick' person can produce... It's like a drug, and I'm addicted. I want this extreme strong love... .I'm afraid a 'normal' girl will just dissapoint me and will not be able to give me the kind of love I was used to... Time will learn i guess... Thanks again though, although i have beem spending almost all my time on my biggest hobby, you inspire me to work on myself even more. I will try my best. I have good and bad periods. I'm in a bad one atm, might be because obviously i have just been over the 'exactly one year ago' point... That kicked in, had the worst christmas of my life.

The thing is, until I met this girl i never felt 100% complete... Have you ever heard of co-Dependent? I have read about it and I'm pretty sure I am one. That makes it even harder

[GoingBack2OC]

thanks alot, I'm really gonna try my best to follow your advise. You're right, I won't attract anyone by sitting home being depressed, but atm I can't think of someone else yet... i hope i ever can, and its better to be in shape if I do. And IF my ex would ever come back, well its better to be in good shape aswell. Just the thing is, like this other post said: it's a kind of love, so strong and extreme, only a 'sick' person can produce... It's like a drug, and I'm addicted. I want this extreme strong love... .I'm afraid a 'normal' girl will just dissapoint me and will not be able to give me the kind of love I was used to... Time will learn i guess... Thanks again though, although i have beem spending almost all my time on my biggest hobby, you inspire me to work on myself even more. I will try my best. I have good and bad periods. I'm in a bad one atm, might be because obviously i have just been over the 'exactly one year ago' point... That kicked in, had the worst christmas of my life.

The thing is, until I met this girl i never felt 100% complete... Have you ever heard of co-Dependent? I have read about it and I'm pretty sure I am one. That makes it even harder

Let me say this. When I was 18 I fell in love. Her name was Jess. This was... .18 years ago. I was very average. Lazy. I liked movies, video games, I was a bit overweight. I had become best friends with Jess. And then I of course developed feelings.

Well, time passes, she breaks up with her boyfriend. I was there to support, and we fell in love. I was REALLY lucky. I mean, she was way out of my league. Really cute, a runner, great shape, super pretty. I scored big. We dated for 4 years. I was very much, as was she, in love. But over the 4 years, we did change. As people from 18 to 22 do. And I let her go.

I was then single for a year or two. And in those two years I ran every day. I learned piano like a mad man, I wrote, read books, I really just worked on me. When I saw friends years later... .who hadnt seen me in years... .they were like "Whoa... .you morphed!".  It can be done. You'd be surprised.

I know you're feeling downright awful right now. I've been there, I am there. So take a week, eat a few pints of icecream if you need to. Then honestly; get a good pair of running shoes, and start forcing yourself to just do it. It only takes an hour a day. Soon you will look in the mirror and be amazed.

It will change everything.

If you want to see who "I" became... .head over to the members lounge forum on this site... .it's one of the last forums listed at the bottom. Check out the film I posted in my thread "I made this short film 3.5 years go".   Look at that guy... .and ask yourself if you believe he was a total dork; 40 lbs overweight, had no game, at age 20. If I showed you a photo--- you would not believe it. Really.

Its 100% doable. You just gotta do it.

EDIT:  And to add; yes I myself am a bit co-dependent. But you can be alone for times and be ok. Make friends, be around people. That is my best advice. But work on yourself.  The more time you spend keeping busy, the less time you will honestly even be bothered by the fact you arent in a relationship. We all want somebody. It's ok to feel that.

[LostInMemories]

I cant find your post, i will look into it tomorrow on my pc, will definately check it out! And thanks again, i will definately try to flip the switch for myself.