Bpd and being heartbroken

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My BPD ex showed me pretty serious signs of being heartbroken when I ended it, her eyes was like of a child expressing : please dont leave me daddy!

I could clearly see the sorrow, hurting , felt bad about it. On the other hand she had a backup ready and soon after she was smiling , grining like a 6yo in revenge mode ltelling , ha, ha got ya I have a rs, and you not.

I do wonder, what kind of heartbrokeness are we talking about? Is it real sorrow?

The next guy told me she made his life a living hell, she tried to fix the rs by buying engagement rings, not so realistic but sounds right from a 6yo perspective?

[borderdude]

My BPD ex showed me pretty serious signs of being heartbroken when I ended it, her eyes was like of a child expressing : please dont leave me daddy!

I could clearly see the sorrow, hurting , felt bad about it. On the other hand she had a backup ready and soon after she was smiling , grining like a 6yo in revenge mode ltelling , ha, ha got ya I have a rs, and you not.

I do wonder, what kind of heartbrokeness are we talking about? Is it real sorrow?

The next guy told me she made his life a living hell, she tried to fix the rs by buying engagement rings, not so realistic but sounds right from a 6yo perspective?

[samynet]

Hi Borderdude,

I can relate to you. One day she asked me to breakup because I didn't want to move in with her, I was not sure that was the right move to do after 10 months r/S. Now I think It was my unconscious telling me all the red flags and the dangers of a love like this. I was completely losing myself, falling in depression.

When she asked me to break up was a mix of emotions, losing your dream but at same time some relief.

The day after she asked me to come back and asked me if it was what I really wanted. I know I didn't have the courage to breakup earlier because I knew how much I would hurt her. But I was convinced that the best I could do was to not engage again.

After 2 weeks she asked me for a discussion... .I agreed! You cannot imagine! She assumed some misbehavior she had, asked me to forgive her... .3 hours no stop crying, "I deserve a second chance", "I should give you more value... .", "but you need to grow", "you are just a kid"! I was completely drained after that discussion, feeling like I needed a shower to take off all this heavy situation.

I'm afraid that I'm putting to much "faith" that she really is uBPD, in order to validate my decisions but at end BPD or not I was not able to manage a r/s where my gf had a sick jealousy of my sister.

I don't know how can we move on... .but I hope time will do its work.

All the best to you

[borderdude]

Hi Borderdude,

I can relate to you. One day she asked me to breakup because I didn't want to move in with her, I was not sure that was the right move to do after 10 months r/S. Now I think It was my unconscious telling me all the red flags and the dangers of a love like this. I was completely losing myself, falling in depression.

When she asked me to break up was a mix of emotions, losing your dream but at same time some relief.

The day after she asked me to come back and asked me if it was what I really wanted. I know I didn't have the courage to breakup earlier because I knew how much I would hurt her. But I was convinced that the best I could do was to not engage again.

After 2 weeks she asked me for a discussion... .I agreed! You cannot imagine! She assumed some misbehavior she had, asked me to forgive her... .3 hours no stop crying, "I deserve a second chance", "I should give you more value... .", "but you need to grow", "you are just a kid"! I was completely drained after that discussion, feeling like I needed a shower to take off all this heavy situation.

I'm afraid that I'm putting to much "faith" that she really is uBPD, in order to validate my decisions but at end BPD or not I was not able to manage a r/s where my gf had a sick jealousy of my sister.

I don't know how can we move on... .but I hope time will do its work.

All the best to you

Also in my case it was a daughter father teraphaut rs, she was a kid emotionally, so I felt loosing a child thus in an adult body, sounds and is complety totally sick. I decided like you to reinforce strong boundaries , told her to get her illness fixed and stay away. They seem to respect boundaries, she is always there , but it takes a man to say no, stop caretaking, let go and realize you deserve better. A rs between two adults is not about caretaking and manipulation. I found out I really tried to fix my broken chilhood by fixing her, she was my source for attention and social interaction , but there it stopped.

[samynet]

I found out I really tried to fix my broken chilhood by fixing her, she was my source for attention and social interaction , but there it stopped.

Wow, I realized this one as well! Actually we learn a lot about ourselves too. I realized that with her I was replicating the r/s that I have with my father, always trying to fix him to get his love... .the love that I wanted, no the love that I know he has.

Once she said me, after the breakup, "I don't know why you thought I was broken and you needed to fix me. I know I'm not a easy person but I don't need a rescuer as you think you are". "Please give up on your idea that you are perfect man"... .

So many lessons... .I'm 29 I want to believe that one day I will find my real reciprocal love and build my family and I will be the father that I never had.  :'(

[borderdude]

I found out I really tried to fix my broken chilhood by fixing her, she was my source for attention and social interaction , but there it stopped.

Wow, I realized this one as well! Actually we learn a lot about ourselves too. I realized that with her I was replicating the r/s that I have with my father, always trying to fix him to get his love... .the love that I wanted, no the love that I know he has.

Once she said me, after the breakup, "I don't know why you thought I was broken and you needed to fix me. I know I'm not a easy person but I don't need a rescuer as you think you are". "Please give up on your idea that you are perfect man"... .

So many lessons... .I'm 29 I want to believe that one day I will find my real reciprocal love and build my family and I will be the father that I never had.  :'(

Tkanks, well at least this became a very meaningful case which I learned about myself and what a rs not should be like, the complementary negative is also of equal importance. I have learned about boundary setting and put myself first, I harvest more respect from women, they trust me more as I have gained integrity. They say we attract those ppl in our life we need to develop further, and here you may conclude this made sense. It was hurtful but added much knowledge.

Love is based on respect and integrity, it is not about you getting emptied in a manipulative game which drags both down in a endless spiral. Every way we choose to interact in such rs is energy sucking, we become a part of it we also become lost by telling lies about ourself, boundaries get moved, when we lie too long , we do not know who we are at the end.