Looking for Validation?

[samynet]

Hello Family,

Today I'm a little down, as some of you know, I share the same openspace at work with my ex gf. When I look at her, I miss the good times, her companionship, I miss her body   this is a tough one  :'(  (before I date her, she was just a "normal" colleague, no special desire). And now I'm completely crazy about her body! ... .Love   or just lust ?

I don't know.

But my question is. From those who are not sure about the BPD diagnosis, like me, are you looking for some validation to your decisions?   

I'm afraid that I jumped out of the r/s based on something that I'm not sure, even if I was unhappy and trying my best to come back to the good times without success.

Finally next month I will move to another country in a new project, hope it will give me some clarity... .the one I'm looking for since October.

Sam 


 

[once removed]

hey samynet 

im sorry to hear youre feeling down. i dont think id do very well sharing a work space post breakup. there is an ongoing thread about detachment called "NC pep talk thread 2" you might consider joining in, with several members sharing a work space.

I'm afraid that I jumped out of the r/s based on something that I'm not sure, even if I was unhappy and trying my best to come back to the good times without success.

can you elaborate on this? it sounds like youre having some regrets for ending the relationship, do i understand correctly?

also glad to hear you have the opportunity to move to another country and start a new project. thats exciting stuff samynet!

[circularref]

But my question is. From those who are not sure about the BPD diagnosis, like me, are you looking for some validation to your decisions?

Yes I am looking for some validation. I keep trying to remember all the bad part, but I also keep thinking: What if she grew up a little bit? What if the circumstances were slightly different? Would it have worked better? Was I as bad as she said? Or is this simply the BPD manipulation & lies to make her look like the victim and me the evil monster?

So I am looking for some validation. In particular, I want to see how it turns out with my replacement, apparently he's awesome so if it ends abruptly with him being the **shole, I suppose it'll be an indication it wasn't (entirely) me at fault.

I'm afraid that I jumped out of the r/s based on something that I'm not sure, even if I was unhappy and trying my best to come back to the good times without success.

I broke up with my BPDex, and after a week regretted my decision and tried to get back with her. But I was painted black by this time, and the weeks that followed were just her being extremely paranoid (we were still sleeping together and spending a lot of time together, even went on holiday just the two of us). She started inventing things I did or said and really believed in it. She was extremely dysregulated actually: convinced she broke up with me and calling me her boyfriend at the same time.

So I would say, if you broke up and loved her, then you must know at some level that it would have not worked.