New Beginnings Update

[stacma04]

Its been awhile since I've posted anything on this site, but I still log in periodically to read some of the stories and provide support as much as I can. A brief recap of my story, I was with my ex P for about 2.5 years, lots of break ups in between. I went NC for about 6 months, then got sucked back in with another charm, stupidly fell for it. 2 weeks later he told me to move on with my life because he can never commit to me, and so he went back to the OW while we were in NC. 4 weeks later he was engaged. I can't even begin to tell you the pain of it all. The CD was unbearable at times. Just constantly question myself as to what was it about her that he couldn't commit to me. What was so wrong with me. I came to PF just about everyday for support. the first two months into the finale discard, I was looking at his social media and comparing what he has now to what we had in our relationship. Boy did his life look like the complete fairytale, he got the wife, house and kids. But I decided to stop looking at his social media, it was keeping me stuck in a place I no longer wanted to be. It was consuming my life. I was unproductive at work, could eat, couldn't sleep, just felt tortured, and I had to get out. Long story short I willed myself to break free of the toxicity, it was hard and really took a lot . lets fast forward to now. My life has dramatically changed. Eventually I did decide to start dating again, I was very scared and unsure at first, and believe me, I spotted some red flags in some of the men I dated. However since then I have met the one for me. We got engaged on Dec 23 and I just found out that we are having our first baby. Things have really changed for the better for me. I have not been charmed since the Ex P discarded me, and at this point I really don't think he would. He's not blocked on my social media as I could really care less if he looks or not. I know I have no interest in his life and what he's doing. I have been warned by friends and family that he may appear again down the line but I completely disagree. What would be the point? he knows there is no way shape or form would I ever let him back in.

For those of you that are just going through this pain, it too shall pass. These people tried to destroy the good person that you are. Stay strong, Stay NC and move on with your life. It will get so much better. I wish everyone healing and Peace and a psycopathfree 2016

[Penelope35]

Hello stacma. Your post made me cry out of hope. I am in a really bad state right now and your post gives me hope that there may be better days ahead. I am happy for you.

Thank you.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi there!

I remember your posts! Thank you for the update. Congrats on the fiancée... .and the baby on the way!

I hope your post serves as a reminder that things move on... .

when we move on... .

The hardest part is to get to indifference. Kudos on your accomplishment and best of luck to you and your new family!

PW

[stacma04]

@Penelope35, I'm terribly sorry  your going through this, it will take time to get past everything that you have gone through. But it will get better, you will start to feel like yourself again. its a process, but there is hope for all of us, just to stick to NC and stay strong, read and educate yourself as much as possible. Lots of hugs to you, and I wish you peace and healing

[stacma04]

Pretty Woman, Thank you, I remember you were one of the first person on this Site to give me advice and I would always re read your responses to me,. I so appreciated your insight and feedback. You have really been a tremendous help in this journey. I will keep this as a reminder"

"I hope your post serves as a reminder that things move on... .

when we move on... ."

Best of luck to you PW

[Penelope35]

Thanks for the encouragement Stacma. I am relatively new to this forum but I have been reading every single post since I joined. You must have been posting long time ago so I was not familiar with your story but I felt happy for you when I read your post. I really want to take him out of my system and feel happy again.

If you don't mind me asking, have you managed to not reply even when he was contacting you? This is what I am having the most trouble with. And also, how long did it take you before you started feeling stronger again? I know it doesn't work the same way for everyone but it's encouraging to hear from people who have overcomed this chaos

[stacma04]

@Penelope35, I understand what your going through, everyone's journey and healing will never be the same. I was at a point in my life where I was just over the back and forth with him. He's broken up with me so many times, kicked me and my 3 year old son out of his home on multiple occasions. I think his final discard of me was the last straw. When someone goes out of their way to intentionally hurt you whether they are disordered or not is very difficult to come to terms with. No Contact was very difficult for me, I had so many failed attempts at it. I always fell for the charms but, at some point when does it stop? and what do you want for yourself in the long run. Charms only keep you stuck in the roller coaster, in the games, in the cycle of the craziness . And each time he charmed me and I went back, the discard would be worse. So I really had to sit down and just ask myself if this was really what I wanted for myself. The discards are the most emotionally draining experience we'll probably  ever experience. I think its fair to say that at some point we have all had failed relationships, but nothing that takes this emotional and gut wrenching toll on us. I think because I went through the cycles so many times, and the way i was discarded it just finally sunk in how crazy and unhealthy the situation was, I needed to do better for myself and for my son. You'll know when you are ready to move on, but it will take time. Remember this is someone that you loved very much, and you cant just turn your emotions off. Reflect on the situation, process what happened to you, was it a normal, healthy situation( most likely not if your on this forum), grieve, cry get angry, ask questions. This is all part of the process. You will get their it does take time. I know it may not seem like it now, but it really will. It took me a good year before I started to feel like myself again,

As for NC, block him on SM, on your phone ( I changed my #) on your email  wherever he has access to you. Trust me when I tell you that each time you go back it will only get worse, because they do not and will not change. I think the most difficult part of NC for me, was knowing that he wasn't charming me because he loved or cared or really wanted to be with me, it was only to control, manipulate and keep me stuck . That is what got me through.

[Penelope35]

I know no contact is the only way to help my self detach and I am struggling to do it. I have been involved in several cycles too but after the last discard I also found out he is married and has two kids. I have confronted him about it already  but i keep wanting to talk more about it with him because I just can't comprehend it. He says he is separated but I don't believe it. And it doesn't matter really because being dishonest about something like this is enough reason for me to know that i should let go (and of course everything else that has happened before this new information came up). So i decided to just cut him off because i don't see how else this is ever going to end. He kept trying  to reach me and I struggled to not respond. He stopped these couple of days and I am trying to be strong and not reach out. It's a mess... .

Anyway let's keep this thread positive. I just thought I should tell you a few things since you took time to respond to me. Thank you so much for that. I will keep in mind what you said. I honestly wish you the best!