When the borderline ends the marriage...what should I expect her to do

[Mr. Magnet]

one 4 year old girl

custody and visitation is in place

today she told me i was abandoning our daughter, that I would make her into a borderline, that she is not a borderline and that I am obsessed with borderlines and make this all up in my head.

[Mr. Magnet]

she tells me I make her life worse not better.  That I make her feel like a charity case.  That she can't stand being around me, I make her feel terrible about herself, that I am mean to her, that it's time to eliminate the "bull___" from her life, etc

[Mr. Magnet]

Just received notice from other side that divorce going final next tuesday

man, that put a giant pit in my stomach

[Herodias]

Sorry you are going through this... .I wouldn't discuss her mental illness with her. You told her, it's up to her to look into it now. You have a child, that needs to be your focus. They always hate you and then they like you again... .then they hate you again. With a child you will go through this for a long time. I know someone who is still dealing with his ex and his children are in college. Come up with a plan on how to cope with it all and stick with it best you can. Knowledge is power. Good luck.

[Mr. Magnet]

She finally came clean and admitted she had been having an emotional relationship with a high school classmate from another state in the Fall by email, phone, text, skype

apparently while I was taking care of the kid over the thanksgiving holiday at the inlaws she was communicating with this guy 24/7.

she told me she wanted a divorce right after we got back from the holiday.  and though she had threatened divorce hundreds of times, i knew this time was different

apparently when he got wind of the divorce he disappeared

he made her feel things, it was so exciting, he was such a gentleman, he took control, he built her up, he made her feel good about herself... .

ugh

[Herodias]

I feel for you. It is weird how you can tell when they are "different" about their wanting out of the marriage. Usually it's when there is someone else. Interesting he bolted when she brought up divorce. Some people are so awful... .As hard as it is, I finally had to let mine go off with the other person to get him away from me. He is now  trying to suck me back- probably for money. They are such users. It's all about their ego. Sometimes ours too... .Do you know what you are going to do?

[Fr4nz]

She finally came clean and admitted she had been having an emotional relationship with a high school classmate from another state in the Fall by email, phone, text, skype

apparently while I was taking care of the kid over the thanksgiving holiday at the inlaws she was communicating with this guy 24/7.

she told me she wanted a divorce right after we got back from the holiday.  and though she had threatened divorce hundreds of times, i knew this time was different

apparently when he got wind of the divorce he disappeared

he made her feel things, it was so exciting, he was such a gentleman, he took control, he built her up, he made her feel good about herself... .

ugh

Yeah man, we can almost always observe the same pattern when women with BPD find a replacement: they oftentimes perceive to "fall in" love very quickly - even within a few hours, they will think the replacement will be the perfect "knight in shining armor", the man of their life, etc. etc. Welcome to the "idealization" phase!

Nothing new, sadly. I'm sure it happened to you as well, when your relationship started, as it happened to me and to hundreds of users of this forum.

It's a cyclic pattern, don't take it personally: BPD is an attachment disorder, among other things.

Take care of your daughter and write here as much as you want! We're here to support you buddy!