My story. Could it be better for me?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I had this one charming female collegue in work. We had nice friendship, I know about some of her problems, but it was nothing like BPD.

We hook up one night and were togerther for about month. It was great, but after while I thought about how anyone could handle this kind of relationship. It was all time consuming, always solving problems. I wanted to help and I didnt know it cant get better in that time. Also I liked her and she sometimes mentioned suicide, so I wasnt able to break up even I would want to, but I didn t want.

She always want my attention, ask strange things, saying me she dont want to loose me, she loves me, etc.

Then some guy step in, she told me, he likes her, but she dont want to be with him. I was ok with it, although I know him (from work). Then she was avoiding me, and one day I caught them together. Then I connected few things together and she was with him few days before. I realized she is not that kind of person I know and everyone know and noone beside those boyfriends can see it. Than we talked, she said she didnt want to leave me, but next day she avoided me for him. He didnt stay with her for night so she take a lot of pills with alcohol and went to hospital. I visited her although I know it is most likely over. She said me he was there, he will come, what he did and that they kissed and she is sorry. She is pathological liar, and it all start to connect together. I cried during that month more than for my whole life, but after this incident not even once.

I think she expected to end it other way, so we would still have good friendship, but all things like I caught them, hospital, lies and after that understanding she has more serious problem than I thought made my grieving really quick. I think it couldnt be better. It was really traumatic, but luckily not very long relationship.

I have to see her in work, but I think she has shame because of hospital thing and fact she was with our older collegue during our relationship.

She called  me last week how is she doing, I was very neutral and didnt engage in any other topics. After week I didnt see her she texted me stupid things about thing we did two weeks ago. Not a word about our relationship is over. For me it sure is, but I dont know how she see it. I might be her first ex who saw real her in whole picture with all defects, not just like some complicated young girl with bunch of problems.

Im over it, although afraid of personal contact. But Im done trying to meet for closure and begging.

If this didnt happened this way or she wouldnt make it to hospital, I would be davasted what the ++++ happened when she wanted baby with me just days ago.

Yeah I think about her a lot, but not in way I want to be with her, or help her anymore. Sometimes I want just peace with her for work sake only, but I dont really care sometimes because how she abused me.

I am quite like her in way I would like some appreciation, company and love and I dont want to be alone, but not in that sick way like she. Maybe this is difference that I can realize when I lie, when I did something bad, but she can t.

[Botonok]

I had this one charming female collegue in work. We had nice friendship, I know about some of her problems, but it was nothing like BPD.

We hook up one night and were togerther for about month. It was great, but after while I thought about how anyone could handle this kind of relationship. It was all time consuming, always solving problems. I wanted to help and I didnt know it cant get better in that time. Also I liked her and she sometimes mentioned suicide, so I wasnt able to break up even I would want to, but I didn t want.

She always want my attention, ask strange things, saying me she dont want to loose me, she loves me, etc.

Then some guy step in, she told me, he likes her, but she dont want to be with him. I was ok with it, although I know him (from work). Then she was avoiding me, and one day I caught them together. Then I connected few things together and she was with him few days before. I realized she is not that kind of person I know and everyone know and noone beside those boyfriends can see it. Than we talked, she said she didnt want to leave me, but next day she avoided me for him. He didnt stay with her for night so she take a lot of pills with alcohol and went to hospital. I visited her although I know it is most likely over. She said me he was there, he will come, what he did and that they kissed and she is sorry. She is pathological liar, and it all start to connect together. I cried during that month more than for my whole life, but after this incident not even once.

I think she expected to end it other way, so we would still have good friendship, but all things like I caught them, hospital, lies and after that understanding she has more serious problem than I thought made my grieving really quick. I think it couldnt be better. It was really traumatic, but luckily not very long relationship.

I have to see her in work, but I think she has shame because of hospital thing and fact she was with our older collegue during our relationship.

She called  me last week how is she doing, I was very neutral and didnt engage in any other topics. After week I didnt see her she texted me stupid things about thing we did two weeks ago. Not a word about our relationship is over. For me it sure is, but I dont know how she see it. I might be her first ex who saw real her in whole picture with all defects, not just like some complicated young girl with bunch of problems.

Im over it, although afraid of personal contact. But Im done trying to meet for closure and begging.

If this didnt happened this way or she wouldnt make it to hospital, I would be davasted what the ++++ happened when she wanted baby with me just days ago.

Yeah I think about her a lot, but not in way I want to be with her, or help her anymore. Sometimes I want just peace with her for work sake only, but I dont really care sometimes because how she abused me.

I am quite like her in way I would like some appreciation, company and love and I dont want to be alone, but not in that sick way like she. Maybe this is difference that I can realize when I lie, when I did something bad, but she can t.

[thisworld]

Hello Botonok 

Welcome to BPD Family,

I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us.  You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone. And yes, it gets better for us.

You are right, understanding the disorder brings a new perspective to our situation and helps us grieve. It also helps us understand more clearly what happens after a break-up and helps us define our own boundaries. Then things get much better for us. From what you have said, I think your situation is like a lot of the other members.

Can you tell us a bit more about how your interaction is going and how you feel? Has she started work yet, or have you seen her face to face? What do you think would make you feel better in those situations?

Please keep posting, we are all here to support each other.

[Botonok]

No, she is still not working.

I have made my mind the day she was at hospital. She told me she kissed other guy and she is sorry.

She needed something at time of realasing from hospital, but I was more-less decided at that time. I will not give her my attention anymore. I gave her last chance to talk, so I asked her if I could visit her after realeasing (she was undecided day before and told me she kissed other guy and is sorry - bull____). She just wanted I will tell everyone she is released if they were planning to visit her (attention). SHe didnt reply for my messege and spend day with other guy. That was end for me in this rs.

Later that night she called me, that she s tired and she is going to sleep. I was very neutral, not asking anything. She wrote me week later about some stuff we did before. I just wrote her ok and that was that. I will still meet her if she will ask, but only to close this permanently and that we can be normal at work.

I will not iniciate it. Yes, I am worried of contact with her, my hearth will probably jump of my chest, but thats not about love. I am done with her.

Although I am better, I think about her a lot in way what she has done, etc. I have mixed feelings during day. From absolute peace and happyness  I am free, to forgivness, to big anger, saddnes about our rs but mostly about her conditions and what she is experiencing. But she is aduilt, although very childish and sick.

She is visiting terapeut and dont drink but change cant come so quick.

Do you think she is really BPD from what I have written?

[Botonok]

I am quite glad for these experience, not now, but I will be. because it showed me that I could not be selfish.

And I am not in love anymore, because this person is not that charming, best and kindest person I used to know. She s quite opposite.

[Botonok]

So today we met at work. I greeted her first and she reply. That was all. Then she was like before and in group of people. Smiling, kind and friendly. I am allergic to her voice and face but I have to get used to it now I know her. First contact was for me stress, hearth beating and little shaking in fingers. i thought it would be like that. But I think thats reaction in first contact with somebody who did all those bad things.

But I am still unsure about her diagnose. I dont know what do to towards her. Ignore her beside work problems, or talk to her so we could be at least light version of friends. Although I dont know if I want friend somebody like this. With all sorr of lies and manipulation.

I have to also get used to the fact that everybody likes her poor soul and didnt know her true self. Or at least other self.