Struggling

[Parents! Get help here!]

My BPD d17 is currently in a therapeutic boarding school.  She continues to struggle with her moods.   They are working with her on coping skills.  We've been very involved and I very happy with the school and the hard work they are doing.  She has been there for 5 months and even though we are getting reports that she is progressing, I'm still seeing huge mood swings.

I am concerned that my daughter has no control of her emotions and I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't a good place for someone with BPD.  I would love to hear some success stories and some confirmation that we did the right thing by placing her in the school.

We had our weekly call with her and she was terribly upset about being there.  Terribly annoyed by the other students and feels she is really missing out on her life at home.  We tried to remind her how it was before she left and she decided to end the call.  She feels everyone is constantly correcting her actions and feels much worse about herself there than when she was home.

She states how she would have graduated from high school earlier if she was home etc.  In reality she wouldn't have graduated high school at all if she was home as she wasn't going to classes and was failing.  She was hanging out with the wrong kids and kept running away from home.  We ended up putting her in a hotel for a couple of weeks as we couldn't live with her any longer.  It was terrible at home for her and everyone else.

I want her to be happy and it hurts me also that she is missing out, but reality is that she would have missed out anyway.  Ugh! I would love to think that pulling her out would be the answer, but I know better.   

Just need to vent!

[bpdmom1]

My BPD d17 is currently in a therapeutic boarding school.  She continues to struggle with her moods.   They are working with her on coping skills.  We've been very involved and I very happy with the school and the hard work they are doing.  She has been there for 5 months and even though we are getting reports that she is progressing, I'm still seeing huge mood swings.

I am concerned that my daughter has no control of her emotions and I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't a good place for someone with BPD.  I would love to hear some success stories and some confirmation that we did the right thing by placing her in the school.

We had our weekly call with her and she was terribly upset about being there.  Terribly annoyed by the other students and feels she is really missing out on her life at home.  We tried to remind her how it was before she left and she decided to end the call.  She feels everyone is constantly correcting her actions and feels much worse about herself there than when she was home.

She states how she would have graduated from high school earlier if she was home etc.  In reality she wouldn't have graduated high school at all if she was home as she wasn't going to classes and was failing.  She was hanging out with the wrong kids and kept running away from home.  We ended up putting her in a hotel for a couple of weeks as we couldn't live with her any longer.  It was terrible at home for her and everyone else.

I want her to be happy and it hurts me also that she is missing out, but reality is that she would have missed out anyway.  Ugh! I would love to think that pulling her out would be the answer, but I know better.   

Just need to vent!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

It is tough, making these decisions, hearing our kiddos say such things, however you even noted "In reality" she would not have graduated... .she would be missing out.

Take that one step further, In reality, what is actually happening there, how is she getting along etc.

One thing I have learned, usually reinforced by facebook, is the storytelling.

My dd21 at least tells me things to pull on my heartstrings while in the same breath telling someone else something else.

Just this week she was texting me telling me how sick she was, couldn't go to work.  "I need my mommy" 

I offered to come over on Saturday with some food etc.

"Nope I am going to Btown ( a two hour drive) with some friends cant you come now?"

Just a thought

[bpdmom1]

Actually she is probably upset because we are getting extended guardianship, which is causing her to think about everything she is missing out on and she feels like she is losing control.  I would probably feel the same if I were in her shoes.  Just really feel bad for her.

Forgot to mention that she stated that the girls are so annoying that she feels homicidal towards them.

Her therapist stated previously that we need to let her have her feelings. 

Thanks for the observation.

[lbjnltx]

What kind of group therapy model do they use at the school she is in?

[bpdmom1]

I don't know.  I just know they have group therapy plus individual and family therapy.  We just got back from a three day family workshop.  We were concerned, but found her with a great attitude and she did very well through the entire workshop.  It was a lot of work and I'm mentally exhausted.