She sent this text today.

[Depression = 72% of members]

And the dishonest people I've been so stupid to trust in it, like a fool! And now I'm here, loser mother without her kids, can't even barely afford to EAT or get my own place! Look what I've done with my life: NOTHING! No matter what I fail. And to be completely honest, I don't blame you for everything bad in my life, but in all honesty, I AM angry with you for disillusioning me and making me feel I could count on something! And DO NOT say ANYTHING about "us" or working it out because I just might scream at you. I am SO ANGRY! I would've been fine if I hadn't fallen into this fake sense of happiness. WHY? Don't answer that.

[Scopikaz]

And the dishonest people I've been so stupid to trust in it, like a fool! And now I'm here, loser mother without her kids, can't even barely afford to EAT or get my own place! Look what I've done with my life: NOTHING! No matter what I fail. And to be completely honest, I don't blame you for everything bad in my life, but in all honesty, I AM angry with you for disillusioning me and making me feel I could count on something! And DO NOT say ANYTHING about "us" or working it out because I just might scream at you. I am SO ANGRY! I would've been fine if I hadn't fallen into this fake sense of happiness. WHY? Don't answer that.

[MapleBob]

Out of nowhere? Sounds like she's having a paranoid, depressive episode of some kind.

[Confused?]

How did it end between you two?

[Scopikaz]

Almost out of nowhere yes. We are planning on going to a concert this weekend.  I had brought "us" up.  Which I've done before and she always shoots down. So this sort of stemmed from that.

[Infern0]

Personally I don't maintain any contact with mine if she discards the relationship. To do so is futile and let's her have her cake and eat it so to speak.

Standard from me now "if you don't want to work on things we have nothing to discuss"

You may want to consider this approach, its unhealthy to try and stay friends and hope for more. Be clear and firm on what you want

[Invictus01]

Personally I don't maintain any contact with mine if she discards the relationship. To do so is futile and let's her have her cake and eat it so to speak.

Standard from me now "if you don't want to work on things we have nothing to discuss"

You may want to consider this approach, its unhealthy to try and stay friends and hope for more. Be clear and firm on what you want

That's a solid advice right here. There is really no point in sticking around if the other person doesn't want you there. If the other person wanted you there, it wouldn't end the way it did. All this stuff you see in the movies where a guy chases a girl and finally she changes her mind... .um... .that should stay in the movies.

[Confused?]

Personally I don't maintain any contact with mine if she discards the relationship. To do so is futile and let's her have her cake and eat it so to speak.

Standard from me now "if you don't want to work on things we have nothing to discuss"

You may want to consider this approach, its unhealthy to try and stay friends and hope for more. Be clear and firm on what you want

That's a solid advice right here. There is really no point in sticking around if the other person doesn't want you there. If the other person wanted you there, it wouldn't end the way it did. All this stuff you see in the movies where a guy chases a girl and finally she changes her mind... .um... .that should stay in the movies.

It takes some time to think that way. What we see in movies, the fantasy, the perfect relationship, the chasing and making her realize how much we care. It's what I feel is the main reason people get stuck in the orbit state after these relationships.

[Wantingtochange]

Part of BPD is emotional dysfunction that encompasses extreme highs and lows. When I read your post the first thing that came to mind is let the dysfunction begin. I've been in your shoes before and received some very bizarre communications as I'm sure many of us have.

I agree with Invictus01 and Infern0, this applies to me as well. I'm very new here with just recently ending relationship with my exBPD. She wanted to maintain a friendship. The first two weeks were L/C and then the last two weeks I noticed a dramatic pull back from her. Now the friendship became one sided. I have now gone N/C for a few reasons. First and foremost, I was NOT detaching as much as I need to. Second, in some strange distorted way, the shift of the friendship from mutual to mainly me reaching out, seemed to trigger something in her. Now she's coming off super happy as to say, I know you left me but I don't need or want you. Look how well I'm doing and how happy I am. That triggered many negative things within myself and isn't healthy.

This is a dance I'm not interested in so I ended the dysfunctional dance once and for all. (The friendship)

If they are not wanting it and we still pursue it, it definitely isn't like in the movies. Instead of love winning out they seem to relish in the fact they are being pursued and it empowers them to continue the dysfunction towards us.

As said above, when we pursue and they aren't interested or are playing games (Even if it's just a friendship), that isn't healthy for us. I feel in my case it validates her in some way so it wasn't truly about a friendship. As soon as she felt validated (See you left me and the relationship but your still here so on some level so I must not be bad) her games increased.

L/C or N/C is the only way to truly detach and start my journey on understanding my role in this dysfunctional dance and what I need to change within myself.  

I wouldn't have tolerated this behavior from any healthy person so I'm at the point of trying to understand why I was ok with this from my exBPd and made excuses to keep going down that road. And that is something I have to look inside and see.

Best wishes

[Lexisdad]

Excellent advice. I'm recently out of my relationship with a pwBPD. She still feels need to text me everyday and wants to go the friends route. Sorry after 6 years of putting up with the craziness and abuse i have no desire to remain friends. If i see her i'll be friendly but i will remain lc/ nc. We have no children together, she ended the relationship but hey let me text this guy everyday for 7 weeks and be friends. Sorry, too old for games at this stage of life. If one of our friends treated us the way they did would we need to remain friends? I don't think so.

[Mr. Magnet]

Divorce finalized this morning

and then i got this text:

Your love is toxic

Your love is mean

Your love hurts

Not sure how to interpret that

any insights?

[Scopikaz]

My person w BPD (still Just assuming that's what it is) doesn't text me unless I text first.  So once I finally get off this train ride I don't think I will ever hear from her Again. I think what's keeping me hanging on is thinking I'll never meet someone who compares to her.

[Wantingtochange]

My person w BPD (still Just assuming that's what it is) doesn't text me unless I text first.  So once I finally get off this train ride I don't think I will ever hear from her Again. I think what's keeping me hanging on is thinking I'll never meet someone who compares to her.

I'm there also so I understand. I have taken the advice of many on here and I'm starting to realize how dysfunctional and unhealthy this is. My friendship with her turned into that, one sided just like yours. I didn't want to let go either. But then I started to think, why hold onto someone who doesn't want me to hold on? Why would I want to hold onto someone like that? It was suggested to me that in order to answer those questions to look within. Doing so is giving me answers. I'm sad because I know she wont contact me either but why? Simple... .co-dependency. Insecurities. The false belief that I had that I wont find anyone that compares to her. GREAT! I don't want that again. Healthy love and friendship doesn't come with the price tag that being with BPD does.

I went from L/C to N/C. yes its hard but already I can see small progress in me detaching from this dysfunction and I'm slowly starting to see small amounts of clarity. Most importantly I'm starting to see areas that I need to work on me.

Look within. Starting letting go, this isn't healthy. It will hurt but growth will come.

Best wishes

[MapleBob]

I was in the same boat as you two! Eventually she got exasperated and cut off contact entirely, because I certainly wasn't going to. She more or less said that she had never wanted to be friends with me, that she wanted to be with me like before but better, and that that just wasn't going to happen and that we needed to accept that. I didn't accept that, and I still don't - but I do accept that that is her perspective, and that it isn't likely to change any time soon. Life is too short for cat-and-mouse.