Meeting a mutual friend

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, I got a very unexpected text today from a mutual friend of my exgfwBPD. She's going to be in town (we live 2 hours apart) and we agreed to meet for lunch. I haven't spoken with this girl or her husband since about a month before my ex and I split, so roughly 4 months. She'll be in town for work so it has nothing to do with me directly, but I am getting some weird vibes.

We texted for awhile, and she did ask if her and I still spoke. I was honest and said we haven't spoken in about 3 months. She only said "I figured." Now, I have no idea what she knows about the situation. This girl and her husband are regulars at my ex's restaurant, that's how I know them, but I assumed that the walls of that building were painted black with my blood. Apparently not? That said, about 2 weeks ago I received an unexpected Facebook message from one of her coworkers. It was nothing major, but it was strange because him and I have never spoken outside of my ex's work. I feel like my name is still getting passed around in there. Again, I thought I was painted black.

Now, I do want to get lunch with this girl, but I feel like I'll have to watch my words. I don't know what she knows. A part of me wants to lay it all down on the table, and another side wants me to be cautious.

The situation as it stands is, my ex and I have been NC for about 3 months, I've been replaced (more of an obvious assumption than confirmation), she still has all of her things up here, and she still has me as a "featured photo" on her Facebook wall. It's all very strange. Any advice?

[burritoman]

So, I got a very unexpected text today from a mutual friend of my exgfwBPD. She's going to be in town (we live 2 hours apart) and we agreed to meet for lunch. I haven't spoken with this girl or her husband since about a month before my ex and I split, so roughly 4 months. She'll be in town for work so it has nothing to do with me directly, but I am getting some weird vibes.

We texted for awhile, and she did ask if her and I still spoke. I was honest and said we haven't spoken in about 3 months. She only said "I figured." Now, I have no idea what she knows about the situation. This girl and her husband are regulars at my ex's restaurant, that's how I know them, but I assumed that the walls of that building were painted black with my blood. Apparently not? That said, about 2 weeks ago I received an unexpected Facebook message from one of her coworkers. It was nothing major, but it was strange because him and I have never spoken outside of my ex's work. I feel like my name is still getting passed around in there. Again, I thought I was painted black.

Now, I do want to get lunch with this girl, but I feel like I'll have to watch my words. I don't know what she knows. A part of me wants to lay it all down on the table, and another side wants me to be cautious.

The situation as it stands is, my ex and I have been NC for about 3 months, I've been replaced (more of an obvious assumption than confirmation), she still has all of her things up here, and she still has me as a "featured photo" on her Facebook wall. It's all very strange. Any advice?

[burritoman]

At first this kind of had me excited, but now I'm a bit nervous and kind of sick about it. I want this all to be over with.

[howardghost]

When I first met my BPDex, I got a few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.  Each time I was with her, I got a few more.  We ended our relationship because I knew I was being lied to, cheated on, and manipulated.  At this time, my puzzle was still incomplete.  I was still missing so many pieces, I couldn't see the entire picture.  For the next 60 days, I didn't get any new pieces.  She committed suicide earlier this week.  I was not notified! 

I spent the past 60 days bouncing in between feeling great compassion for her situation and anger for all the pain she had created in me.  I contacted every single person she had ever mentioned and visited every frequent spot she referenced.  Over two days I found more than 30 people who knew her well.  Some of them liked her, some of them didn't, but they all were glad to know.  I thought I was seeking out people who knew her so that I could grieve with them.  Discovered late in the process, I was simply driven to go find the missing pieces to my puzzle.  I needed to know the truth. 

When I got the last piece and put it into place.  I had completed a project I had been working on for 7 long months.  Whether this person is searching for some truths or you still need some truths.  Take the opportunity.  If you are thinking of using this meeting as some kind of an opportunity to get back with your ex, may God be with you, because you are really going to need him.

[burritoman]

When I first met my BPDex, I got a few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.  Each time I was with her, I got a few more.  We ended our relationship because I knew I was being lied to, cheated on, and manipulated.  At this time, my puzzle was still incomplete.  I was still missing so many pieces, I couldn't see the entire picture.  For the next 60 days, I didn't get any new pieces.  She committed suicide earlier this week.  I was not notified! 

I spent the past 60 days bouncing in between feeling great compassion for her situation and anger for all the pain she had created in me.  I contacted every single person she had ever mentioned and visited every frequent spot she referenced.  Over two days I found more than 30 people who knew her well.  Some of them liked her, some of them didn't, but they all were glad to know.  I thought I was seeking out people who knew her so that I could grieve with them.  Discovered late in the process, I was simply driven to go find the missing pieces to my puzzle.  I needed to know the truth. 

When I got the last piece and put it into place.  I had completed a project I had been working on for 7 long months.  Whether this person is searching for some truths or you still need some truths.  Take the opportunity.  If you are thinking of using this meeting as some kind of an opportunity to get back with your ex, may God be with you, because you are really going to need him.

I'm sorry to hear that she committed suicide. That's absolutely horrible. I hope you're doing okay.

She's only coming up here for work reasons, but I see it as an opportunity. I'm not looking for truths, really, because I feel the truths I've been able to discover on my own are plenty. There is some stuff she may be able to clarify for me, but there is likely a lot of information that I simply don't want to hear. She likely doesn't know the truth of how she treated me and what I had to go through, so I need to tread softly. Too much startling information and it could very easily get back to my ex, which could turn very ugly. But, I have a desire deep down to right the wrongs about my character she may have convinced people of.

Instead of truths, I'm looking more so for resolve. I'm starting to get resentful that I still have all of her things while she's dancing about with my replacement, and at this point I just want everything done. Im healing very well, but her lack of resolve is holding me back from completely letting her go. I just want her out of my life so I can move on completely. Defriend on FB, storage unit gone, and I never speak to her or get any information about her ever again.