Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 28, 2021, 06:30:40 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: ex blocked me on all social media sites after one year of no contact  (Read 6270 times)
Woman
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2


« on: January 30, 2016, 08:47:03 PM »

Hello,

If i am writing this it means that i still care and it still hurts. It has been a year when my ex broke up with me. We were dating for three years and from the very beginning we knew that our relationship would not last for several reasons. It was amazing at the beginning but when i realized that it was getting pretty serious i wanted to stop it. I tried for two years and a half, he always came back begging me not to leave him, even he understood why i was doing this. We fought a lot because of this. There were terrible fights as he did not want to let me go. Again, he knew that this relationship had to stop. The more he was coming back the harder it was getting for me to stop this. Eventually i fell in love with him and that is why i still care. One day we broke up again, it was in June 2014, and i knew that he started dating another girl. I was fine with this as i knew that he had to have his own life and move on. What i wanted him to give me some time to make peace with this and after that we could probably stay on good terms.

Unfortunately he decided differently, he cheated on her by sending me messages, i ignored, than he came to my work, i asked him about a girl. He lied that they were just friends. The truth was that he was dating both of us at the same time. I do not know if she knew about it or not, but i figured this out in October 2014 and broke up with him. Then he came back begging me to forgive him and telling that he was dating that girl for half a year at that time but couldn't get me out of his head. He was missing me. I was missing him, but i knew it had to stop as it was so unhealthy. At that time i was going through hell in my life as my granddad died, my mom got a heart attack and my favorite cousin was dying from cancer. I told him all this and asked him to be supportive or stay away. He continued his dirty work towards me and his new girlfriend. Eventually after several awful fights in October 2014 he dumped me through whats up on the same day my cousin died. He knew this but did not even send me a supportive word, nothing. I accepted being dumped as i saw this was the only way to get out from this relationship. He continued dating that girl. Blocked me right away on all social media sites.

One month later he unblocked me on facebook and poked me. I was shocked of his childish behaviour. Did not react, just ignored. He blocked me again. I started checking on him on facebook as got curious and was still missing him. Then one day his girlfriend send me a request and then blocked me. That made me mad, but i ignored. After that i started to be very curious (as again, i had and still have feelings for him). I checked if was unblocked several times per week. I noticed that he and his girlfriend unblocked me several times and then in two days blocked me back. It lasted until July 2015 since December 2014. Then i decided to block them both as it was very unhealthy for me to monitor all this. Let them play their games. I was very surprised that there is a way to block a person who has blocked you first on facebook. When it worked for me i was happy about this.

So last week i decided to unblock him to see how he was doing. After i unblocked him he posted a picture of him and his girlfriend (the same one) two hours later with a message "You are what i want in life". I found this very weird, but was thinking, ok. Happy that you are happy. I really wish him all the happiness as i love him and want him to be happy. I did not contact him, did not say anything. I keep silent No contact for more than a year and the reason for that is what he said when he dumped me. His words were very clear: "never contact me again, as i do not want my past to spoil my future" So that is why i never contacted him as "do not want to spoil his future." These words were a huge shock for me as after three years of him chasing me and spoiling my life that i almost lost my job because of him, i think i did not deserve to hear that.

So, after several days, we both stay unblocked to each other, i decided to change my profile picture. Just when i did this he changed his profile picture. I did not react again. Was nice to see him after such a long time even if it is on facebook. Then one day later he blocked me again.

At first i laughed for several minutes as found this very childish, but then it made me so sad that i cannot stop thinking about this for two days now. I am curious why he is blocking, then unblocking me, asking his girlfriend to block and then unblock me. I am really shocked that he was talking about me with her. He knows that i have my self respect and will never contact him first, as i never did that in three years when we were dating, why i should do this now. He knows that by blocking me he hurts me big time. He knows that i do not like when someone hates me. But, it has been a year, he is still dating that girl. He cheated on me with her, i was fine with him being with that girl as there is no way we could or even can be together. We both knew this. I helped him a lot in life and was with him when he was in trouble. Why the person, who claimed that i was his first real love would keep hurting me knowing that i wish him only the best.

Now i start thinking that he lied to me all these three years while we were dating. I still keep his love messages. There is no way someone who does not love can write smth like that. Please clear my mind. I do not need advice, i just need to understand and have a closure. Please do not tell me to move on. I have been doing this trust me. I even got promotion at work because i devoted my all time to work after a break up, also i am studying at two universities right now, so i know how to move on, but i love him and i do let him go, i just do not want us to be enemies. Why he still wants to be enemies?
Logged
Fr4nz
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 568



« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2016, 07:26:44 PM »

Hey woman,

so, the problem with BPDs is that they manage their relationships in very unhealty ways, lots of push/pull, split black/white and so on. They have cycles, and these are due to the disorder. Without therapy, you cannot do anything about that.

Also, they cannot stay alone, otherwise they would feel those sensations of void/emptiness which are too much  for them to sustain: that's why they jump immediately on a new relationship once the current one ends. At the same time they also try to lock in a little box the memories related to the previous relationships, in order to avoid the pain related to the associated processing: obviously, this does not allow them to process what happened in a sane manner, and realize that their actions are, often, really terrible for their SOs; however, the information they try to lock in a little box emerge through the subconscious - indeed, often in these forums people argued they grieve "in reverse" their past relationships... .it's quite possible, somehow.

So, in conclusion, his current behaviours are perhaps related to the fact that he truly wants to reconnect with you, he misses you, he remembers the memories he had with you, but since BPD is also a persecution complex, he thinks to be the victim and so punish you at the same time.

About the chances to stay friend: I also wanted that with my ex; but see, the problem here's that the disorder make them behave in very unhealthy and unstable ways, so in the end you really risk to be hurted. There are lots of cases here in this forum where people attempted a friendship and that miserably failed with lots of pain for the non. I mean, it's not impossible but improbable, and it takes 2 people to maintain a healthy friendship.

As a consequence, my suggestion is to let him go if he's unable to behave in an adult manner and stay NC; keep the block in FB if needed.

Take care

Logged
JRT
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1809


« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2016, 10:58:59 PM »

Woman

I think I understand what you are looking for, I can relate. Its one thing to understand the disorder, it helps to discern between the BPD behavior and what is a direct affront to your sensibilities and a behavioral response to the love that you gave him. My BPDfiance disappeared and blocked me from contact suddenly almost a year and a half ago and I have not spoken with her or heard from her since. Like you, I know that there is no relationship to salvage: you could not possibly go back with this person, nor could I if she ever returned for the sake of your own sanity. Yet, you believed in this relationship and gave fully and unselfishly to this person for years only to have it end in the way that it did. Its really difficult to reconcile with this... .its excruciatingly painful to know that you gave something to someone that you may never be able to give to someone else. If you are like me, you know that this person, the one UNDERNEATH, the BPD was a beautiful person... .highly compatible and very love-able. To me, its something that was amazingly close; just within reach but int he end, may as well have been light years away. Advising you to move on is almost an insult in the light of all this... .or insisting that there are plenty of fish in the sea or that kind of nonsense.   I recall the good times as well and thoughts of what could have been... .it seems like it all didn't happen doesn't it?
Logged
Scared2go

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 5


« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2016, 07:12:24 AM »

This resonates with me. My spouse tells me conversations never took place and calls me a liar if I repeat a conversation. Additionally I ask questions which are greeted with silence. When I repeat the question I get yelled at ; "I SAID yes!"

I feel like walking around with a tape recorder if only to prove to myself I am not insane. Basically my mantra is now "only for a little longer and then never again."
Logged
JaneStorm
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 273



« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2016, 09:10:41 AM »

They are Crazy-Making.

We don't have to live that way.
Logged

"You are the love of my life
You are the love of my life
You were the love of my life
This time we know, we know
It's over..."
Thin Line - Macklemore
Aussie0zborn
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 803



« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2016, 09:54:27 AM »

Perhaps YOU should have blocked HIM and kept it that way.

I see this is your first post. Please read all the resources here and take heed. Your first step to detoxing and learning a valuable lesson might be to accept that the relationship was a waste of time and destroy anything that reminds you of him - starting with the love messages. This might give you the breathing space to plan a strategy to start afresh and detox. There is nothing you could have done to save it or make it a normal happy healthy relationship.

The problem now that you are separated is not him - it's how you are handling your emotional well being. Be kind to yourself and find what it's going to take for you to move on and create the life that you deserve. But first you need to understand what you got yourself into, what it was that you were dealing with and what role you played and that's where this forum and website comes into play.

These relationships cloud our judgement and it takes a lot of work to entangle yourself but the first step is NO CONTACT - none whatsoever. Good luck.
Logged
Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2016, 01:07:49 PM »

Hi there! Please listen to Aussie. He makes sense.

Facebook (yes, Facebook) is a playground for BPD's. Who EVER shows the worst of them on FB? It will only hurt you to see things anyways. The BEST thing you can do is block and be done with it.

I blocked my ex for 8mo. I recently un-blocked because I went through a weird period with people in my own life blocking and unblocking me and I found it childish. I am at the point I could see a picture of my ex and it won't cripple me. I am glad she has a new victim. I am very, very lucky. And fortunately she reverse blocked me anyways.

Smiling (click to insert in post)

Your guy cheated on you and is playing games. I don't mean to diminish your love letters but if he loved you he wouldn't be doing this. That's the crux of BPD. It's more NEED than love. They LOVE you until they don't need you anymore.

It's never reciprocal.

I am sorry you are going through this. Keep posting here and look at some of the posts of longtime members. You will see recycling is a no-win and damages you more and more with every one.

You need to use NC for YOU. Not him. Watching his FB habits is still consider contact as you are still engaging, if even remotely.

Hugs!

PW


Logged

Woman
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2


« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2016, 10:37:17 PM »

Thank you for your replies. I continue with NC. That is a decision for sure. I totally agree, if he loved me he would not cheat on me. I wish him all the best in life. I will unblock him and will not play these games. The next step is indifference. Thank you again everyone.
Logged
JaneStorm
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 273



« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2016, 09:25:11 AM »

I totally agree, if he loved me he would not cheat on me.

This is the bottom line. Beyond the feeling of betrayal, he disregarded your health and safety (as did mine with me); not only did he hurt your feelings, he risked giving you STDs and possibly being stalked or injured by his choice of partner.

Who's to say if they are mentally stable? I have been stalked and harrassed on several occasions by his choice of women he slept with during our relationship. I confronted him and said he was risking my health and safety (thinking that would strike a cord), he went blank. He did not care.

I had no drama in my life before him in the previous 6 years. I had nobody blocked on any platform... .now, I look over my shoulder, even though I ended the relationship. That is not love, OR friendship.
Logged

"You are the love of my life
You are the love of my life
You were the love of my life
This time we know, we know
It's over..."
Thin Line - Macklemore
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!