no therapy for BPD where I live

[whattodo3]

I am a mother of a 12 yr old daughter with BPD (not yet diagnosed but definitely BPD).  She is diagnosed with ADHD & ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). 

I live in west Texas.  There is not anyone within a 6 hour drive for us to take her for help from someone who KNOWS what to do with BPD.  There are lots of therapists in our area but not any that specialize in dbt for BPD.  I have 2 other kids who are older than she is (17 yo son & 20 yo daughter).  Their relationship with their 12 yo sister is suffering so badly.  They can't understand why she is the way she is, & they can't hardly stand her.  I'm her mother.  I love her no matter what. However, even I don't always like the way she behaves.  It hurts me to see her hurting those who love her & who she is a part of.  There is no help for her where we are, & I'm at a loss for what to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdmom1]

Are their any DBT outpatient groups from any of the behavior hospitals around? 

We started seeing BPD behaviors around age 12.  I believe puberty had something to do with it.  We didn't know what BPD was at that time.  Her therapist thought she was either ADHD or bipolar with ODD.  She had a lot of trouble sleeping and the therapist suggested melatonin.  We started her on melatonin and changed schools (she almost got expelled) when her behaviors settled down for a couple of years.  When she turned 15 things got really bad again and now at almost 18 she is in a therapeutic boarding school after her behavior again escalated and we ran out of options.  We tried it seems everything including outpatient DBT.  DBT is helpful, but not enough for us.  Right now I'm working on validation, which she seems to respond to.  She is progressing at the boarding school.  They are really working hard on her.  She is very resistant and I'm unsure how functional she will be when she completes the program.  She is learning coping skills, which has to help.

Sorry you are going through this. I find it all consuming.

[lbjnltx]

Hi whattodo3,

Welcome to the Parenting Board.

Boy can I relate to your situation!  It's almost a carbon copy of where I was 7 years ago.

My daughter, at 12 was diagnosed ODD with emerging BPD and she has older 1/2 siblings who were quite frustrated by her behaviors.  We too lived in the boonies and had to travel to therapy (no DBT, though I did purchase books for her counselor to study).  We ended up sending her to RTC for 10 months out of state.  One of the key components that was very affective for my daughter was the group therapy model they used... .Positive Peer Culture.

If you are in West Texas one of the best PPC programs is near you in the Davis Mountains... .High Frontier.  While you may not be considering sending her to RTC, you might contact High Frontier and ask them for a referral to an outpatient program or therapist that can help.

lbjnltx