All the insults and bad things you've been told by your expwBPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello everyone,

To all of us who try to move on, but can't because something still makes us clinging, I've read that remembering all the insults and bad things we've been told by our exBPDgf/bf could be helpful.

As a matter of fact, I guess we all tend to think that over a period of time our exBPDgf/bf have changed or came to their senses. They sometimes even try to convince us that they have changed and they even promise that they won't do it any more.

The sad reality is that due to their sickness they haven't been able to change the way we have been able to forgive them for their insults and all the bad things they told us. If we go back to them, they'll behave just the way they behaved when we broke up with them (or when they broke up with us).

So, I thought that maybe compiling some quotes of worst insults and worst things from our exBPDgf/bf could be a good reminder of what we risk if we get sucked back into the toxic relationship we all once knew.

For example in my case I had been told things such as:

"You're the worst person I've ever known!"

"Rot in hell!"

"I"ll make your life miserable as long as I live."

"I'm gonna make sure you lose your job"

"You ruined my life, so I'm going to make you regret it."

"Because of you I can't find a job."

"You are a pathetic miserable lover."

"I hate you."

"You don't wanna talk to me, so I'm gonna punish you because you seem to be punishing me."

"You're gonna be happy when I die."

"You're a coward!"

"I'll never forgive you for letting me down."

"Get ready for big upheavals in your life."

"Expect the worst!"

"F*** you!"

"You're disgusting"

"You destroyed me."

"Go to hell, m*****f****r."

"You're selfish and a liar."

"You're done a**h***. You'll regret it."

etc.

Not all, but many of these insults were addressed to me when she was threatening me to commit suicide and when I warned her that I was going to alert her family and friends.

Also, after those insults she apologized and sent the opposite messages like "you're the one for me and you'll always be the one for me" or "I'll never have that special bond with anyone else the way I('ve) had it with you. Then she promised she'll never rage that way again, but did it anyway, not to mention that when she met a new guy she was telling me how she felt when she made love with him.

Despite all, I don't hate her. I even forgive her all, but there is one thing I know, I surely don't want to go back that avenue of my life. And imagine being in a relationship like that all your life? I just can't.

I guess that when we think we've met our soulmate all we think is that these episodes of insults are just a bad moment and that it will pass and that everything is going to get back to normal as it used to be. Unfortunately, their sickness is actually the reality of the situation which is unlikely to change if we allow ourselves to get back.

Please share your insults and bad moments in form of a list which motivates you not to make the mistake of your life to get back sucked in that infernal relationship from which it seems there's no way out. Thank you for your contribution and hang in.

[Driver]

Hello everyone,

To all of us who try to move on, but can't because something still makes us clinging, I've read that remembering all the insults and bad things we've been told by our exBPDgf/bf could be helpful.

As a matter of fact, I guess we all tend to think that over a period of time our exBPDgf/bf have changed or came to their senses. They sometimes even try to convince us that they have changed and they even promise that they won't do it any more.

The sad reality is that due to their sickness they haven't been able to change the way we have been able to forgive them for their insults and all the bad things they told us. If we go back to them, they'll behave just the way they behaved when we broke up with them (or when they broke up with us).

So, I thought that maybe compiling some quotes of worst insults and worst things from our exBPDgf/bf could be a good reminder of what we risk if we get sucked back into the toxic relationship we all once knew.

For example in my case I had been told things such as:

"You're the worst person I've ever known!"

"Rot in hell!"

"I"ll make your life miserable as long as I live."

"I'm gonna make sure you lose your job"

"You ruined my life, so I'm going to make you regret it."

"Because of you I can't find a job."

"You are a pathetic miserable lover."

"I hate you."

"You don't wanna talk to me, so I'm gonna punish you because you seem to be punishing me."

"You're gonna be happy when I die."

"You're a coward!"

"I'll never forgive you for letting me down."

"Get ready for big upheavals in your life."

"Expect the worst!"

"F*** you!"

"You're disgusting"

"You destroyed me."

"Go to hell, m*****f****r."

"You're selfish and a liar."

"You're done a**h***. You'll regret it."

etc.

Not all, but many of these insults were addressed to me when she was threatening me to commit suicide and when I warned her that I was going to alert her family and friends.

Also, after those insults she apologized and sent the opposite messages like "you're the one for me and you'll always be the one for me" or "I'll never have that special bond with anyone else the way I('ve) had it with you. Then she promised she'll never rage that way again, but did it anyway, not to mention that when she met a new guy she was telling me how she felt when she made love with him.

Despite all, I don't hate her. I even forgive her all, but there is one thing I know, I surely don't want to go back that avenue of my life. And imagine being in a relationship like that all your life? I just can't.

I guess that when we think we've met our soulmate all we think is that these episodes of insults are just a bad moment and that it will pass and that everything is going to get back to normal as it used to be. Unfortunately, their sickness is actually the reality of the situation which is unlikely to change if we allow ourselves to get back.

Please share your insults and bad moments in form of a list which motivates you not to make the mistake of your life to get back sucked in that infernal relationship from which it seems there's no way out. Thank you for your contribution and hang in.

[Infern0]

Mostly "i hate you" and that sort of thing.

TBH, she's never said anything personal or that offensive just general nonsensical ranting

[Ab123]

My ex, who was nothing but respectful and adoring when calm, would make me the enemy when raging, always appologizing later. Once triggered, he would start down an us/them path, progressively baiting me until I broke down and cried.  

Some examples:

"All <my profession> are trash" at the start of a rage, where he was upset at something done by someone I don't know who happens to have the same job as me. This went on with examples and variations for hours.

"You want <his adult child> dead."  Somehow we got there from my being a democrat (and just barely pro-choice ("safe legal and rare") and the fact that the mother of his child considered an abortion when she first learned she was pregnant. (They were very young, and ultimately married instead.). That fun rage also included telling me graphically exactly the methods by which I apparently wanted to kill babies, because that's the equivalent of abortion, and demanding to know how I would feel if someone did such things to my kids. I was a huddled sobbing mess.

[kentavr3]

From my exBPDW I heard many things such as "I hate you", " I'll never see you again "," get out" etc. yes, later she could apologize, or sometimes not. The questions is why we are so tolerant to those words? Why? It pushes our self-esteem down more and more. I know already my problem. I was so tolerant instead of just stop it by leaving or even to say "stop", because I've heard a lot in my childhood from my father. He always insulted me verbally by bad words calling me idiot, dumb, stupid log and etc. Even when I was adult I kept listening this. My father said many times to me that I had to listen this because he is my father and has rights to say this and I must listen this without arguing. Many years after I understood that my father is Narcisse person. He injected a defectiveness lifetrap in me. He made me guilty for everything by these words. Also, I found a lecture about BPD on youtube. lecturer taught victims of BPDs ask them a question :":)o you feel better when you think that I'm bad person?". If answer is yes, then ask them why they do it?

We have to learn do not be tolerant to this words and BPds anger. Do not take BPDs anger personally. You have rights do not listen these words. stop listening when they start telling. do not do it suddenly. your changed behavioral for BPD id very surprised. they can break relationship. this happened to me.

[MapleBob]

I'm not hurt by insults that I know just aren't true - and I'm a pretty accountable person, I have that skill set. What I am hurt by is being insulted and loved/praised for the exact same things at different times.

[Herodias]

Usually I would just see them as projection... .some were meant for me. The worst I ever heard was "I have a plan for you" (I thought he was going to kill me) and " I can't wait to get rid of you and the house"... .we were out to dinner and I started crying. He was so very mean to me. Very mean.

[Teereese]

Usually I would just see them as projection... .some were meant for me. The worst I ever heard was "I have a plan for you" (I thought he was going to kill me) and " I can't wait to get rid of you and the house"... .we were out to dinner and I started crying. He was so very mean to me. Very mean.

Same here, mostly projection and I knew it. There was some cruelty too. He would pounce on weaknesses or shared personal information.

He had a habit of being very cruel in public. Like Herodias, I broke down at a restaurant. I fled stores, events, etc.

It got to the point where I would not go anywhere as a couple. He was too unpredictable.

In the end, he would follow me and verbally attack me in public. By then, I would not react (respond,  breakdown, flee) and remain strong and he would leave in a fit of pure rage.

[samanthagrace]

I don't think he really said that many outright terrible things to me, but this is what I can remember.

-spiteful b****

-f*** you (numerous times)

-he would call me "dummy" I guess affectionately like you would call someone "babe" but it really annoyed me.

-you don't support me

-all you do is start fights

-you don't listen to a word I say anyways (how he justified ignoring me and refusing to communicate)

-all you do is twist everything around to make it sound worse than it is

-you make me feel worthless

-when I told him his texts were making me upset while I was at work and I was crying he responded by saying he told his coworkers about our fight and they all think I'm crazy, and if I'm crying at work my coworkers must think I'm crazy too

-would tell me to have fun screwing other people after he would push me away even though this is not a reasonable or rational thing to say to me at all

-things would be okay with us if you LET THEM be okay with us

-called me selfish a few times


Maybe it was more than I thought.

[SummerStorm]

"F---ing c---t"

"You're crazy"

"F---ing idiot"

"You're a poison"

"I don't care about your feelings.  I just want to f--k you."

"Who could ever love you?"


But she called her mom a "c--t" and a "f---tard" two weeks ago and spent most of last summer calling her now ex-boyfriend every name in the book, so I've learned to not take anything personally. 

[Lexisdad]

My BPD ex gf called me these repeatedly for five years!

I hate you

Sc--bag

Piece of s--t(this was her favorite

C--ksucker

Wimp

Pu--y

Di-kbag

Motherf----r

Ballless motherf----r

A--hole

Your no father

I want a man not a pu--y -ss bi--h

Take it in your -ss

Sackless b-tch

I was subjected to these names on a pretty steady basis during her rages. I would say at least 3 times a week. I still after 2 months broken up still miss her. Very rarely did she apologize for anything she said. I often would tell her during her times of rage that she was treating me like a complete savage. Calling her a savage for her behavior that no human being should be subjected to. No doubt this was a very abusive relationship and if i said anything back which i ll admit i did i was told i was verbally abusive.Why we stay is why we are all here.

[hopealways]

Loser

Pussy

I piss on you

You're not a man

Die

Woman

[.cup.car]

6. "You're constantly trying to be a manipulative c--t"

5. "I hope you see someone and think it's me "

4. Basically anything she said about me or towards me during the 2014 calendar year.

3. "Don't hold your breath... .actually please do."

2. "Must suck getting rejected by the same girl for 3+ years."

1. "Its sad that you're so desperate. You're pathetic. I almost feel bad that you somehow think you have a chance with me... and have thought so for how many years now?"

The backstory is the same as virtually everyone else's: this girl used to adore me.

[SybilVane]

"F**ing b*ch" --> the classical insult.  I guess I've heard it ten thousands of times.

"You're poison"

(I also had been insulted many times regarding our sexual life. Like "I just f**cked you as a 'work to do' / 'because I was too long with no sex"  "I havent missed you, I just missed sex"   "Lick my shoes and maybe I can f**ck you one last time" (one of the most sick things he ever told me)

"You are a manipulator"

"You're my biggest mistake"

"You're a witch"

Etc. etc. etc.

I REALLY don't miss it.

[Bigmd]

My exgf never really called me names throughout the relationship . I did however put up with the rages , ST , jealousy and insecurity. The name calling came during the breakup by phone. I was called cheap, selfish, and immature . Oh and I didn't appreciate my family. Let's break down this projection.

Cheap: let's see. I pretty much paid for everything. Dinner she really never offered to pay. I took her kids out as well. Paid for her daughters car to be fixed after accident. 1500.00 LV handbag. Bought a beach cruiser so she could ride with kids. Brand new ac unit for her daughters bedroom. 300.00 bucks . Offered to pay for half her trip to Colombia. The list goes on.

Selfish: see above . Plus flowers and candy just for the hell of it delivered to her job. Gifts for no reason. Always wanted to spend time with her, we always did something.

Immature: well lets see, silent treatment and rages cover that .

When we broke she told me I didn't appreciate my family. Yet she was the one not talking to her brother for years and at the time her mom also.

To me BPD projection at its finest.

Lexisdad, you are a police officer? I am to brother.

[Pretty Woman]

As Herodias mentioned mine were more projection statements.

She would say:

You are untrustworthy. You cannot be trusted.

I am scared of you. I am afraid for my life (when she would dump me for no reason and I would ask why).

You are a cheater

You are abusive

You are a vicious viper (her favorite)

She would also tell me I was "projecting" and "passive aggressive". I am thinking these were terms the ex before me used on her (her ex was a prison psychologist). Everything she called me was untrue but she believed every word... .

until she didn't and returned again.

PW

[Lexisdad]

Big Md,

Yes brother 29 years otj. The jeoulosy and insecurity and trust issues were out of control. Ive really done some soul searching this week. Ive definitelly been replaced and that hurts. However looking back the 3 or 4 days a week of full blown rages with the name calling i listed has been going on for 5 years. Ive asked myself besides being pretty, sexy and an outrageous body what besides the sex did she bring to the relationship. She really did some job messing my head up because i really thought it was me. The saving grace is i saved emails i sent her dating back to december 2010 bringing her actions to her attention. Looking at them i realized she no doubt has full blown BPD and i tried everything i could. Nothing could save this.

I ask myself why did you put up with this behavior and abuse for so long. We as law enforcement are taught to be thick skinned to a point. I certainly let her get the best of me.

[SadDaddy]

Sounds familiar. Here are some gems from my marriage:

"You'll never be anything but a worthless drunk."

"If you leave you'll only find some disgusting whore."

"You're a monster."

"You're just like your dad." (who abused me)

"If I leave it up to you you'll just scream at and hit our daughter."

Her best weapon was ignoring me. She would mock me, make fun of me, generally in front of our daughter, call me chump, and then refuse to acknowledge anything I said, refuse to listen, then twist anything I said up into a variant of the above. Finding out that I could never make her feel the way she made me feel, because her emotions and psyche were pretty much a shattered mess and she had already felt that way during most of her childhood, didn't help. Instead of making me sorry for her, it made her sort of invincible. I was the only one who really felt bad about what was said; she's not capable of feeling that way.

[tryingsome]

We both said horrible things to each other.

I am just as guilty.

On her side it was mostly:

you are evil

dumb/idiot

it wasn't so much the insults it was the length of them

hour upon hours of saying the same thing over and over

a lot of nonsense things:

are you going to hit me

a lot of things that happened in the past. whether our realationship or some past relationship.

like I said the actual insults were not bad.

but they usuLly had no context to our argument

they would drive me crazy and I was often the ones home would say hurtful phrases (even if they seemed right at the time)

[Claycrusher]

Too many hurts to itemize... .

The most recent classic was when, in the immediately afterglow of 3.5 hours of non-stop conjugal relations, she told me that she had to think of a woman in order to get aroused and get off.

What hurt even more, though was her admitting that she doesn't have to be "in to" someone emotionally in order to enjoy having sex with them and that in some ways, she'd prefer it if there was no emotional attachment.  That hurt, because she had me convinced that we had the same faith-based understanding of the role of sex in marriage.  Turns out, she was lying about that, too.

But, she lies about everything.  She's told so many in propping up the big lie of her false self that she can no longer keep track of them all.