Possible BPD Spouse

[klrm]

I am close to the end of what I can emotionally handle with both my husband and his mother who I believe to have BPD.  The accusations I have had to deal with from both of them have been nonstop.  From my husband screaming at me after returning from social functions "who was that you talked with all night," and I had absolutely no idea who he was referring to to the awful accusations from my mother in law.  I have visited a therapist for over a year now and she has told me she believes both to have BPD based on what I have told her.  My husband and I visited a marriage therapist for about a year and he believed the mother in law to have BPD.  My husband has visited a therapist since he was a child, mother in law made him when she accused him of molesting his brother.  When my husband visits the therapist he is soo much better and even admits that it helps right after the session, but he has not been in months and refuses to go on a regular basis.  Husband blames our issues on whatever suits him and uses that to judge me but our problems always blow up when I travel for work or spend time with friends.  Husband comes up with whatever to belittle me... .I drink too much-so I stop drinking, I spend too much time with my friends-so I cut them out of my life, always a new judge/criticism that makes me question myself or feel bad about myself.  How did I let them happen to myself?  I have three beautiful daughters who I feel like I am letting down if I leave.  They will be heartbroken but I really do not know how much longer I can mentally handle this.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[forwifeandkids]

I can certainly relate to this. My wife is has BPD (not formally diagnosed) and her mother, with whom she has an unusually tight relationship, backs up her distorted thinking. I routinely have the two of them yelling at and criticizing me. An it is impossible to meet my wife's demands, which change repeatedly and are so specific and controlling as to be intolerable. We also have two young boys (5 and 6) and trying to maintain normalcy and withstand being screamed at and spit on on a regular basis is not easy.

[livednlearned]

Hi kirm,

Having two people with BPD in your life can be really tough! It takes a lot of strength to not be emotionally injured in a BPD relationship, and having two at once can compound the challenges.

I wonder if one of the reasons your husband feels better when he sees his therapist is because the T validates his feelings? You can read a little about validation here.

People with BPD struggle with extreme rejection sensitivity, so abandonment is perceived much more acutely than we might experience ourselves. And when their emotions are activated, it can take longer to return to baseline. Our challenge is to stay grounded and not get on the emotional roller coaster, and there are skills and lessons, plus lots of fellow travelers here that can help us with that.

Glad you found the site and hope you'll post more when you feel comfortable.



LnL