broke up w BPD bf did not know until today

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was in a very serious relationship with a younger guy for over a year. He actually moved out of his home state to be with me.

we spent time with one anothers families and he treated me well in some ways as in spending tons of money on me and my kids.

But something was off. He seemed so sweet, he didn't drink or smoke or do drugs he worked hard and really acted as if he was

totally in love with me. I am not the best looking can in the sick pack as I am a plus size woman always working on myself but

I always managed to have guys interested in me. He was a cute guy and I could not understand why he wanted to be with me.

He said because I am a kind loving woman with a big heart and I am. so we got into this relationship rather fast and right off the bat

there was a problem int the bedroom. never in my life did I have a guy uninterested in sex. In fact I had the opposite all my relationships

wanted a lot of sex, but not this 32 yr old guy only wanted to give oral. so o fcourse I assumed he was gay. I asked him over and over what it was. if he wasnt attracted to me or is he gay. in my mind those are the only 2 things I could think of that it could be. I grew to love him because he gave me so much attention and even thought he spent tons of money on me I told him that material things mean zero to me if i dont feel the emotional connection. it was only there a few times during love making 4 times. the rest of the time it was a struggle. he told me he thinks its a medical issue. I spent months researching what was wrong with him, he had sleep apnia maybe it was that. low testosterone maybe it was that the list went on and on. i caught him looking at tranny porn so of course again i thought he was gay. then he said he was nothing more then bi curious. that hit me hard. i want a st8 guy.  I had a hard time dealing with this new info and i decided we should take a break for a week. he said no but i insisted. so we did . when he came back from the break he was like a new man all over me sex sex sex flowers cards tears of joy and love and holding me so tight. everything was turning around just the way i wanted it. he always showed me so much attn n pda and constantly text and called me throughout the day.  2 weeks ago we went and i met his uncle that just flew in from fl we all went to church with his parents. i am  not a real religious person but in church i was getting a bad feeling. i was praying that this relationship would work out and i just wasn't feeling a good vibe. so we were going to go to dinner come to my place make love and have a great night with my friend who was coming over for some wine. well we went to this awful place for dinner and we couldn't eat the food we left it and he wanted to get a pizza so he dropped me home he took my car to get the pizza and as i looked at the flowers n the card he gave me a voice in my head so go check his car. so i did. we never used his car cause i like mine better so we always used mine, I opened up the glove box and there it was a kindle a box of condoms with 4 used and a list of phone numbers and rates for escorts of tranny n female. I was in total shock. hysterical waiting for him to get back. I placed the evidence on my bed and waited in tears and shock. he walked in and here's the lie he made up. he said on the break he went and bought kindle and it was his new porn and he used the rubbers to masterbait in, of couse I wasn't stupid enough to believe him. I told him to get out he then started to hit himself in the head and bite his hand. which i knew he had anger issues but this was beyond. he cried and begged me not to make him leave. I started to investigate and found out he lied about everything. he wasn't div yet, he was still friendly w wife and just one lie after another I discovered. then he started stalking me coming to my door the next day hundreds of calls texts emails. telling me hes gonna kill himself. I told his mother in a text n she didnt say much at all just ok ty for telling me. there's a lot more to this story and he still continues to contact me. I went to police and the sheriff and they just said well unless hes on your property and we come out and catch him there then there is nothing we can do.  i took videos of him saying he would go to jail for me and i blocked him n he still contacts me from blocked numbers ive jus totally ignored him. but I decided to look up just why a person would hit himself and bite his hand and the BPD info came up. well he fits it to a tee. crazy spending habits, risky sexual behavior, twitching,his father ignores  him, which to me is so odd,fear of abandonment, low self esteem,road rage, reckless driving,loner no friends,unable to emotionally connect.That's him. So now on one hand I feel bad because I always asked him if he was abused and his angry reaction to that was not a normal one. I know now this is not all his fault but at the same time I cannot be with someone who cheats with prostitutes and is a compulsive liar, I just cannot do it. It sucks and during the relationship I became so mentally drained and lost myself.

but this discovery today just has me feeling sad. It sucks that this exists and there's not much help other then years of therapy and the person being honest about everything no matter how painful. over a year of my life with someone that I never really knew because he doesn't even know himself. its a damn shame. I just hope and pray for these people.

[PEACHESNJ50]

I was in a very serious relationship with a younger guy for over a year. He actually moved out of his home state to be with me.

we spent time with one anothers families and he treated me well in some ways as in spending tons of money on me and my kids.

But something was off. He seemed so sweet, he didn't drink or smoke or do drugs he worked hard and really acted as if he was

totally in love with me. I am not the best looking can in the sick pack as I am a plus size woman always working on myself but

I always managed to have guys interested in me. He was a cute guy and I could not understand why he wanted to be with me.

He said because I am a kind loving woman with a big heart and I am. so we got into this relationship rather fast and right off the bat

there was a problem int the bedroom. never in my life did I have a guy uninterested in sex. In fact I had the opposite all my relationships

wanted a lot of sex, but not this 32 yr old guy only wanted to give oral. so o fcourse I assumed he was gay. I asked him over and over what it was. if he wasnt attracted to me or is he gay. in my mind those are the only 2 things I could think of that it could be. I grew to love him because he gave me so much attention and even thought he spent tons of money on me I told him that material things mean zero to me if i dont feel the emotional connection. it was only there a few times during love making 4 times. the rest of the time it was a struggle. he told me he thinks its a medical issue. I spent months researching what was wrong with him, he had sleep apnia maybe it was that. low testosterone maybe it was that the list went on and on. i caught him looking at tranny porn so of course again i thought he was gay. then he said he was nothing more then bi curious. that hit me hard. i want a st8 guy.  I had a hard time dealing with this new info and i decided we should take a break for a week. he said no but i insisted. so we did . when he came back from the break he was like a new man all over me sex sex sex flowers cards tears of joy and love and holding me so tight. everything was turning around just the way i wanted it. he always showed me so much attn n pda and constantly text and called me throughout the day.  2 weeks ago we went and i met his uncle that just flew in from fl we all went to church with his parents. i am  not a real religious person but in church i was getting a bad feeling. i was praying that this relationship would work out and i just wasn't feeling a good vibe. so we were going to go to dinner come to my place make love and have a great night with my friend who was coming over for some wine. well we went to this awful place for dinner and we couldn't eat the food we left it and he wanted to get a pizza so he dropped me home he took my car to get the pizza and as i looked at the flowers n the card he gave me a voice in my head so go check his car. so i did. we never used his car cause i like mine better so we always used mine, I opened up the glove box and there it was a kindle a box of condoms with 4 used and a list of phone numbers and rates for escorts of tranny n female. I was in total shock. hysterical waiting for him to get back. I placed the evidence on my bed and waited in tears and shock. he walked in and here's the lie he made up. he said on the break he went and bought kindle and it was his new porn and he used the rubbers to masterbait in, of couse I wasn't stupid enough to believe him. I told him to get out he then started to hit himself in the head and bite his hand. which i knew he had anger issues but this was beyond. he cried and begged me not to make him leave. I started to investigate and found out he lied about everything. he wasn't div yet, he was still friendly w wife and just one lie after another I discovered. then he started stalking me coming to my door the next day hundreds of calls texts emails. telling me hes gonna kill himself. I told his mother in a text n she didnt say much at all just ok ty for telling me. there's a lot more to this story and he still continues to contact me. I went to police and the sheriff and they just said well unless hes on your property and we come out and catch him there then there is nothing we can do.  i took videos of him saying he would go to jail for me and i blocked him n he still contacts me from blocked numbers ive jus totally ignored him. but I decided to look up just why a person would hit himself and bite his hand and the BPD info came up. well he fits it to a tee. crazy spending habits, risky sexual behavior, twitching,his father ignores  him, which to me is so odd,fear of abandonment, low self esteem,road rage, reckless driving,loner no friends,unable to emotionally connect.That's him. So now on one hand I feel bad because I always asked him if he was abused and his angry reaction to that was not a normal one. I know now this is not all his fault but at the same time I cannot be with someone who cheats with prostitutes and is a compulsive liar, I just cannot do it. It sucks and during the relationship I became so mentally drained and lost myself.

but this discovery today just has me feeling sad. It sucks that this exists and there's not much help other then years of therapy and the person being honest about everything no matter how painful. over a year of my life with someone that I never really knew because he doesn't even know himself. its a damn shame. I just hope and pray for these people.

[steelwork]

Peaches, that is a heck of a tale. It seems like you're pretty set on what you want to do. Are you feeling strong? I hear that you feel bad for him. I get that. You've been through a lot yourself, so don't forget to save yourself some compassion.

[joeramabeme]

Wow, that is a heck of a story. 

Do you know what kept you in the relationship despite the   you saw? 

Does he have any idea that he needs some help?

I wish you the best.  Keep posting.