Projection of Disorder from Past Relationships

[tryingsome]

So I was wondering if any of you have experienced a pwBPD that might be aware of their disorder but projects it onto you?

A couple of examples: the pwBPD would claim they are setting up firm boundaries, though the term is misused. There was no boundary or consequence.

Or refer to my own black/white thinking. Or using the term projection, albeit incorrectly also.

It feels like at times, someone in the pwBPD's past might have mentioned they have BPD or some other disorder.

They use terms to project qualities onto myself which really don't make sense, but seems to give them that focus of blame they often need.

Curious if anyone else experienced it?

[steelwork]

So I was wondering if any of you have experienced a pwBPD that might be aware of their disorder but projects it onto you?

A couple of examples: the pwBPD would claim they are setting up firm boundaries, though the term is misused. There was no boundary or consequence.

Or refer to my own black/white thinking. Or using the term projection, albeit incorrectly also.

It feels like at times, someone in the pwBPD's past might have mentioned they have BPD or some other disorder.

They use terms to project qualities onto myself which really don't make sense, but seems to give them that focus of blame they often need.

Curious if anyone else experienced it?

My upbdx said a lot of things that indicated some degree of self-awareness after he dumped me. He said he "lacked internal objects" and that he had abandonment issues. BPD diagnosis? Who knows. He had become very secretive in the last several months.

Two examples of projection come to mind:

1. Before he dumped me, he complained of my push/pull behavior. It made no sense to me at the time, and I remember going over the recent past trying to figure out what he was referring to. Now I understand that it was probably a projection.

2. As he was dumping me, he accused me of having given him the cold shoulder in the past. The context was that he told me about my replacement in an email and then didn't reply to any of my follow-up emails until the next day. Then he accused me of hypocrisy--that it was fine when I did it. But I never had.

[Frank88]

I kept a pretty good journal through the last year and reading back, my BPDexgf used terms like black and white thinking, telling me I cut people off in my life. All things that were very unlike me. In hindsight I believe she knows a lot of how she is, but maybe did not know the clinical terms.  Her friends have told me she has a history of cutting people off. I realize she was projecting a lot, trying to push buttons.

[GreenEyedMonster]

Yes, I actually just started a similar thread a few days ago.  The problem is, in my situation, the ex might be projecting a diagnosis of AsPD on his ex-girlfriend, when that seems to be more consistent with how he is acting.  See my other thread about how my ex has suddenly become very aggressive in his attempts to ruin my life.

[Fr4nz]

So I was wondering if any of you have experienced a pwBPD that might be aware of their disorder but projects it onto you?

A couple of examples: the pwBPD would claim they are setting up firm boundaries, though the term is misused. There was no boundary or consequence.

Or refer to my own black/white thinking. Or using the term projection, albeit incorrectly also.

It feels like at times, someone in the pwBPD's past might have mentioned they have BPD or some other disorder.

They use terms to project qualities onto myself which really don't make sense, but seems to give them that focus of blame they often need.

Curious if anyone else experienced it?

My ex definitely accused me several times, pretty explicitly, of black/white thinking... .this happened when she was creating drama and fights out of nothing, and I was reacting consequently.

At that time I found this accusation pretty hilarious and unfounded, however now I understand from which place it came from... .it was a clear case of projection.

There were definitely other projections, but the one you mentioned was among the most evident ones. Mind-boggling, heh... .

[Welgrow]

That's funny. My ex accused me of being cold and stoic when I was in fact angry and hurt by her behavior. Perhaps she genuinely thought I was emotionless although it didn't seem to fit. Since mentioning BPD to her she started accusing me of verbal abuse, pushing her away, playing games with her heart. These came up after I began to distance myself from her following her reckless behavior (cutting, cheating, raging, lying).

[offthepedestal]

Yes, I experienced this in my last dating relationship.  My ex was very well versed in all things BPD because he thought his XW was BPD.  Is probably somewhere on this board!      He often projected his issues onto me, which initially was very confusing.  I am concerned about his negatively impacting my friendships, as  he has already created problems.  At this point, I don't believe anything he said about his prior relationships and I have lost all respect for him.  It is difficult for him, because I am well liked by people who have known me a long time, but he is persistent.  I know how believable he was when he talked about his past wives.  He plays the victim card beautifully to the effect that it doesn't seem like he is trying to do it... .very manipulative, but now I can see it easily, as do my friends who I confide in to help me keep my sanity.  Do you think people generally catch on to their manipulations and that they are the ones with the issues instead of their exes?

He comes across very solid and moral and makes a very good first impression, acting mystified at how he is continually done wrong as a result of his alleged altruistic actions.  I started to see it after a few months of dating him, but it wasn't until I tried to end the relationship that it really became evident, then months later, he still seems focused on trying to hurt me.  Does it ever go away?

[patientandclear]

Yes. My ex said I engaged in black and white thinking when I set and enforced a boundary (less intimate contact if he was seeing other people) and he got upset and cut me off complete for months. He used the word "projection" frequently and said we both were doing it. And he did speak of "boundaries" in the context of admiring that I had them and complaining that others did not and thus the unnamed others had to cut him off completely because they were unable to draw lines like I was going to keep us in touch. (Note--we are no longer in touch because of that very boundary-drawing.)

It does seem that someone(s) have been using these concepts with him.

[Fr4nz]

Yes. My ex said I engaged in black and white thinking when I set and enforced a boundary (less intimate contact if he was seeing other people) and he got upset and cut me off complete for months. He used the word "projection" frequently and said we both were doing it. And he did speak of "boundaries" in the context of admiring that I had them and complaining that others did not and thus the unnamed others had to cut him off completely because they were unable to draw lines like I was going to keep us in touch. (Note--we are no longer in touch because of that very boundary-drawing.)

It does seem that someone(s) have been using these concepts with him.

Yes, it may seem that at some point in their life they had to do with a psychologist... .however, we have also to keep in mind that they have a life-long disorder so, at some level, they're for sure kinda aware of their issues.

[Lifewriter16]

When my BPDxbf finished with me for the last time, one of the reasons that he gave was that he wanted a stable relationship which he didn't have with me. He seemingly had no sense of where the instability was coming from.

Good luck to him on that one then.

Lifewriter x

[Confused108]

My ex projected on me a lot. At the time I just did t k ow what it was. She would say that she had a hard time communicating with me (lies) and that I could not let go of our past as teens bc I always would talk about it ( all her). She also said I ran after her and was flirting with her non stop that's why she chose to re open the door with me. Again all her. It's amazing how these individuals take no blame at all for anything they do.