Wow its been a while, opinions please

[jammo1989]

Hey guys im an old member here and I just like others went through some pretty strange and crazy making behavior from my ex who broke up with me just under 2 years ago, before I carry on, i do not wish to ever re connect with her, I am merely asking for user experiences in regards to my question.  I will sum my break up in the most simplistic form.

Begged me for her 3rd child, I said not right now, she then faked pregnancy, told me I killed our unborn child and that her abortion which never existed) was all my fault.  She then dumped me, push/pulled, sending nudes and when i replied she she would text me a few days calling me a disgusting perv.  I later found out she started seeing another guy (the guy i accused her of flirting with) i told her Im done,m i cant do this anymore, she then said ok, blocks my mobile number, blocks me on FB, literally everything, she then made sure she got pregnant with the new guy after 2 months, as soon as the child was 1 month old she blocks him (what she did to me) he then had to fight in court to see his own child.  Well 2 years later, I notice that she has unblocked me (Came up in my recommended friends) I also know this is recent, she has not contacted me nor do I want her to, my question is this.

Why on earth would she unblock me after 2 years? I would really appreciate your feedback on this because I do not want her ever messaging me again, not after what she put me and the guy after me through, has anybody else experienced this?

Thank you         

[Driver]

Hey guys im an old member here and I just like others went through some pretty strange and crazy making behavior from my ex who broke up with me just under 2 years ago, before I carry on, i do not wish to ever re connect with her, I am merely asking for user experiences in regards to my question.  I will sum my break up in the most simplistic form.

Begged me for her 3rd child, I said not right now, she then faked pregnancy, told me I killed our unborn child and that her abortion which never existed) was all my fault.  She then dumped me, push/pulled, sending nudes and when i replied she she would text me a few days calling me a disgusting perv.  I later found out she started seeing another guy (the guy i accused her of flirting with) i told her Im done,m i cant do this anymore, she then said ok, blocks my mobile number, blocks me on FB, literally everything, she then made sure she got pregnant with the new guy after 2 months, as soon as the child was 1 month old she blocks him (what she did to me) he then had to fight in court to see his own child.  Well 2 years later, I notice that she has unblocked me (Came up in my recommended friends) I also know this is recent, she has not contacted me nor do I want her to, my question is this.

Why on earth would she unblock me after 2 years? I would really appreciate your feedback on this because I do not want her ever messaging me again, not after what she put me and the guy after me through, has anybody else experienced this?

Thank you          

Hi there,

Sorry to read that you had to endure so much.

Regarding unblocking you, I think it's something common with pwBPD. Like all of us they too have their ups and downs. I didn't live the same situation as you, however my ex has been blocking and unblocking me on a regular basis. I have also read somewhere in an article written by a psychologist specialized in BPD that these kinds of things are totally normal for a BPD and that we shouldn't worry about that.

However, what I think is the most important thing is that we the nons should never expect from a pwBPD to draw the limits. PwBPD are actually the ones who expect from us to draw a line. It is up to us to set the borders and not to cross them.

In a nutshell, if you don't want a roller-coaster drama discussions and r/s, stay NC.

[joeramabeme]

Jammo1989 - Welcome back.  

Amazing!  Every time I thought I have heard it all, I read another story that supersedes the last - sorry about all that.

Truthfully, I don't understand what you are asking.  How do you prevent her from contacting you on FB?  Can't you block her?  Unfriend her?  There must be tools... . Also, are you really asking that you are afraid that she may contact you or that you may be tempted to contact her?

[jammo1989]

Thank you for your replies guys, means a lot,  basically, she blocked me on everything as soon as i said i cant do this anymore, she had already dumped me before all this and was getting with the new guy, she basically blocked me on everything after I said can we at least be friends? the new guy slept at her house that same night she blocked me, 2 weeks before all of this she was telling if she saw me out she would still F... .me, while rubbing up against me in person (completely messed my head up) she broke up and blocked the guy after me about 3-4 months ago, so why has she made the effort to unblock me now? some may say its because she finally feels indifference, but from a BPD mind set this wouldn't make sense because that would mean that while she was with the new guy for a year indifference towards me wasn't met.  I dont want to have any contact with her because I simply can not and will not accept nor forgive her complete illogical behavior (leading me on) etc, so why unblock me after 2 years, dont worry no magical thinking is in place because i dont expect or want her to become flirtatious with me again as she is very much a nympho based on her horrific up bring, child abuse, foster care, etc.  I know its all drama i just fail to understand why someone would make the effort to block me after 2 years, without actually trying to contact me, is this just see what hes up to (curious)?         

[Driver]

She probably feels lonely and thinks of the good memories she had with you.

[leew2110]

Your story sounds just like mine.

I have been with mine 10 year on & off and I am now cut off once more coz she demanded a baby just after we got back together from her cutting me off for over 2 year last time.

Have you had any more contact with her?

[leew2110]

Mine came back after 2yr 5month of being with another man. Yet was ringing me anonymously first for a year to hear my voice she said... Told me she had never really loved him but felt she had made her bed and I wouldn't take her back etc.

Yet after 6 month she is gone again, I am blocked & cut off once more.

She badly wants a child so I have a feeling I am about to be in yours shoes soon jammo.

It will hurt I know. But I have a feeling it's coming.

She's has always came back before but if she falls pregnant or traps some other, then she may finally release me, tho honestly, I am once again missing her & wanting her to reach out

[leew2110]

Also every time she unblocks me is usually a sign that's she will soon reach out...

She usually unblocks me then quickly blocks me again a few times then after weeks or couple of month - she finally speaks.

So get ready for her coming I would say and prepare what you want to do or say

[zeus123]

Hi jammo1989, are you asking us to assess what is in the mind of a BPD.?

[Fr4nz]

Hey guys im an old member here and I just like others went through some pretty strange and crazy making behavior from my ex who broke up with me just under 2 years ago, before I carry on, i do not wish to ever re connect with her, I am merely asking for user experiences in regards to my question.  I will sum my break up in the most simplistic form.

Begged me for her 3rd child, I said not right now, she then faked pregnancy, told me I killed our unborn child and that her abortion which never existed) was all my fault.  She then dumped me, push/pulled, sending nudes and when i replied she she would text me a few days calling me a disgusting perv.  I later found out she started seeing another guy (the guy i accused her of flirting with) i told her Im done,m i cant do this anymore, she then said ok, blocks my mobile number, blocks me on FB, literally everything, she then made sure she got pregnant with the new guy after 2 months, as soon as the child was 1 month old she blocks him (what she did to me) he then had to fight in court to see his own child.  Well 2 years later, I notice that she has unblocked me (Came up in my recommended friends) I also know this is recent, she has not contacted me nor do I want her to, my question is this.

Why on earth would she unblock me after 2 years? I would really appreciate your feedback on this because I do not want her ever messaging me again, not after what she put me and the guy after me through, has anybody else experienced this?

Thank you          

Probably she's expecting some kind of contact/reaction from you; her shame/pride prevents her from contacting you first, so she does this in the hopes that you contact her. Maybe she painted you white again... .or she needs you for some reason... .or she feels alone... .or a combination of these... .who knows! :D

As I said few days ago in some other thread, they truly cannot let go important past partners (i.e., partners with whom they spent a relevant amount of time OR shared some kind of trauma during the r/s); as a consequence, even if they are the "cut-off" type, they maintain some kind of "connection" with us; for example, they typically look periodically at our FB page.

So, from our side it seems that they completely cut us out from their lives, but this is far from the reality: they keep obsessing about the past which, inevitably, comes back, since they cannot truly process their past mistakes and dysfunctional thoughts/behaviours.

[blissful_camper]

Hi Jammo! 

I agree with what's already been offered. I think that some with BPD live primarily in the past and future. I observed that history was either tormenting or soothing, and the future reinforced fantasy without requiring both feet on the ground. You have the option to block if you feel that you're at risk. What is her unblocking bringing up for you, if anything? Are you feeling triggered by her unblocking? Good seeing you on the boards again. - BC