2 months NC and outside the box

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone I'm new here. I've been reading and researching BPD ever since I told my ex I couldn't live this way any longer. We have a 22 month old son together and she basically abandoned him to me. She is 26 and dying of lupus, before that it was cancer. She met a new guy and a week later they were in a relationship and less than a month engaged. All the things she did with me are being repeated. I could write a very large book on all the crazy but this forum says it all anyway.

Just wanted to thank you all for your courage and sharing the heartbreak of being with BPDs. I will post more when I find time and def keep reading. Life is better but I still obsess about her.

[thisworld]

JerryRG hi

Welcome to bpdfamily.  

I'm sorry for what you are going through but glad that you have found us. Educating ourselves about the disorder sure does help as we can make sense of our experiences.

Please keep posting whenever you feel like.

Take good care of yourself!

[JerryRG]

Thank you, it has been difficult and fascinating but things are improving. Taking care of myself and my son are priority one. I'm still "addicted" to my ex and because of all the help I've revieved from these forums and others I can understand things clearly now. I tried my best to help my ex seek the help she needed through treatment for her addictions and or DBT. She was/is miserable and I knew she needed help. She wouldn't help herself so I closed the door. I still care but I spent almost 4 years of my life saving her from herself. Suicide attempts, prescription pain med addiction while pregnant, which somehow turned out to be my fault, dozens of suicide threats over just this last year. Neglecting our son and abusing him. Lying, manipulation, isolation, drama, chaos, crazy crazy crazy.

And still I believe she can be better and this was all my fault. I lost over 100 lbs just from stress. Which turned out a blessing for me. Our son is now safe but mom still has custody and yes I'm sure she will be back soon to stir our lives up once again.