I think I'm having physiological reactions to mere presence of my uBPDw

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am wondering if I am discovering something that's important to me.  Pardon me if this is too personal.  My background: 18 years married to uBPDw. Wife has about 6 diagnostic traits of BPD, and almost all those for Avoidant PD.  I've suffered in this relationship from the start of the marriage, but stuck in it due to religious reasons, mostly. Five kids, some with strong BPD traits.  I have little desire to stay married, but I do it for the kids right now.

Last year we "separated under the same roof" I set up a bedroom for me in the basement. We slept separate, and in many other ways were maritally separated.  During that time, I slept really well. I felt very healthy, and I worked a lot on me getting emotionally strong.  Last month, we reconciled of sorts - meaning that we started sleeping together every once in a while.  I don't know if it was just raw loneliness or actual behavioral improvements.  Anyway.  On the nights when I try to sleep in the same bed, I feel like it's hard to catch my breath, panic attacks maybe, heart palpitations, and I can barely stay asleep.  And none of that in the positive meaning of "you take my breath away."  Usually I go back downstairs.  I think I get almost allergy-like symptoms too, I feel more congested in the bedroom, and may have low-grade headaches for a while. 

I wonder if this is coincidence, or in fact a somatic response to the person, the history, the psychology.  Is this Complex PTSD?  My body saying get a divorce?

Weird. 

[SamwizeGamgee]

I am wondering if I am discovering something that's important to me.  Pardon me if this is too personal.  My background: 18 years married to uBPDw. Wife has about 6 diagnostic traits of BPD, and almost all those for Avoidant PD.  I've suffered in this relationship from the start of the marriage, but stuck in it due to religious reasons, mostly. Five kids, some with strong BPD traits.  I have little desire to stay married, but I do it for the kids right now.

Last year we "separated under the same roof" I set up a bedroom for me in the basement. We slept separate, and in many other ways were maritally separated.  During that time, I slept really well. I felt very healthy, and I worked a lot on me getting emotionally strong.  Last month, we reconciled of sorts - meaning that we started sleeping together every once in a while.  I don't know if it was just raw loneliness or actual behavioral improvements.  Anyway.  On the nights when I try to sleep in the same bed, I feel like it's hard to catch my breath, panic attacks maybe, heart palpitations, and I can barely stay asleep.  And none of that in the positive meaning of "you take my breath away."  Usually I go back downstairs.  I think I get almost allergy-like symptoms too, I feel more congested in the bedroom, and may have low-grade headaches for a while. 

I wonder if this is coincidence, or in fact a somatic response to the person, the history, the psychology.  Is this Complex PTSD?  My body saying get a divorce?

Weird. 

[Driver]

I think the best thing to do is to see a therapist and a doctor.

Probably you've been put under a lot of stress, but it's always better to check if medically you're ok.

[C.Stein]

Speaking for myself I most certainly had a physical response to things my ex did that emotionally hurt me, I expect due to fear, anxiety, stress, depression.  I didn't really see it at the time though but now I can see it more clearly.  I believe as the physical symptoms became more frequent this was an indication of developing moderate grade c-PTSD.  This I have essentially confirmed with screening tests.  It is more than disturbing how I have let another human being impact me in this way.  It eventually landed me in the ER due to exhibiting stroke symptoms, which oddly didn't happen until 6 weeks or so after I was thrown away.  I realize now I had essentially buried my emotions and pain, almost completely, for the 10 months or so prior to that.

[bdyw8]

Sorry you're experiencing these feelings - I can relate entirely.   Just thinking of my exBPD and some of the extreme highs and lows can give me panic attacks, full blown.

I'm avoiding her at all costs right now, and when I even see a car that is the same as the car she drives, my chest tightens, I start sweating and my breathing gets shallow - the body going into fight-or-flight mode.  Pretty sure these kind of things are PTSD related, I know they are for me at least.

I woke up last night, my bed was drenched in sweat.  The sheets, the pillows.  I got out of bed to go to the washroom and my hair was soaked and I was dripping sweat down my chest and back.  This has happened more than a few times since breaking up with my exBPD.

Talking to a counsellor/doctor are definitely good starts.  The more you talk about it, the less power these things start to have over you (in my opinion)... .

Best wishes