Re reading old posts, been awhile, same issues but better still working on it.

[somuchlove]

Hi,  It has been quite some time since I have been here.  I am so thankful for this site and see that many of the same wonderful people are helping people like me that deal with our family members.  I wish I could offer more advice and give back like people on here so graciously do, of which I have never personally met but feel like they are family and friends that have saved my life many times.  

My dd is doing much better as far as her life situation is going.  She has moved back to where she loves to live. This is one huge thing that she thought would not ever be possible. Her children are with her all the time, she is a good mother and we are close enough that we can drive there in 6-7 hrs.  Much better than having to fly across the country.  We get to visit often.  

It seems however that no matter what is going on she can find a crisis.  I understand this because she just doesn't know how to handle the craziness of life the same way most of us do.  No matter how good things are she, at times can only see that her life sucks, it is a failure, she can never make the right decisions, she is for ever being punished for making mistakes.  I see her as being very strong, weathering some very difficult situations with her ex.  working long hrs. to help support her family, making a good home for her children, actually doing a lot of right things.  I see most things as going right for her, very few things going wrong.  

As I re read some of my posts I can just change a few specifics but it is all the same.  The difference is I am not in a panic as it is not the crisis that she use to be in.  They are simpler situations to dealt with, however to her it is horrible, never able to see the good, the light at the end of the tunnel and then there is re hashing of all the old stuff.  

I have learned to do a better job of listening and talking with her, for the most part.  I still, sometimes get off the phone when things have all of a sudden gone crazy kicking myself because I became to comfortable that she had gained the ability to be talked to logically.  It comes back to bite me.  Oh how good they are at taking a single word or statement and run with it.

I realize that the text message that sometimes follows, "I won't ever bother you again" or I am a piece of ... ., so don't call me, or on and on. BUT I will get another call, the happy ones, the upset ones, again and again.  I cherish the things we share, the laughs and fun times with the grandkids, the wonderful things she does and shares.  

I want to tell people on here that helping yourself and learning how to help them really does help but my hear never stops hurting for her.  I am sometimes not very good at it and still have to ask for help and re read and re read and re read how to handle these situations.  

I just wish there was something more I could do to relieve her of going through all of this.  How much happier she could be.  It saddens me that she can't just enjoy her life, enjoy her children, they are wonderful, and could relax.  I think no matter what situation she is in there is always going to be something that will send her into a tail spin.  It keeps her from spending time with her siblings,  (which by the way I know she longs for but won't allow herself to do because she feels so unworthy.)

Is there more that can be done to free people from BPD?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdmom1]

Thanks for your post.  It sounds things are somewhat better for you and for your daughter.  I would like to think my daughter will have an easier life as time goes on. 

[lbjnltx]

So good to see you hear and learn that your and your daughter's situation has shown some improvement.

Have you ever considered talking to your d about getting a life coach?  With technology what it is today they are readily available and there are some who specialize in helping people with BPD/traits of BPD.



lbj

[bpdmom1]

ibj

How would one go about getting a life coach?

[somuchlove]

Yes,  ibj,  how would one go about getting a life coach and how could I approach my daughter about it.  My dd mentions now and then that she has panic attacks and sometimes even say,  I know you all think I am bi polar.  We have never said that to her.  I think she is smart enough to realize that she does loose control and struggles.  Just can't admit it and go seek help. 

[somuchlove]

thanks for the names.  I will check it out.  I am not familiar with a life coach.  How does it work?  If a person won't go to therapy does this work better or does it appear to them better to go to a life coach. 

Maybe I could use a life coach? 

[lbjnltx]

Google them and read their web pages to get a good idea of the services and support they offer their clients.

It may or may not be a good option in your/your daughter's situation.  I think it would really be beneficial for my d and will consider it for her in the near future.  Right now she is in therapy and working on getting some diagnoses for physical illness... .just too much  to take right now.