Not feeling great today

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well I've  been doing pretty good now almost 8 months out. But every once in while the crappy days sneak up on me.  It really has nothing to do with exgf. I found out yesterday my ex wife is pregnant. I have to admit it kind of bothers me . I just sucks I'm left in the wake of an abusive BPD relationship and she is happier than ever and righfully so , she should be. I was miserable and never wanted a second child. Mainly because I was having an affair. Now I can't help but sit hear alone thinking about the huge mistake I made. I guess you can say regret. It's painful , I've done my fair share of crying today. I even met a girl that I thought I was into. I had that initial rush of meeting her and taking her out a few times. We've had sex and all was good until I realize I'm not that into her. Not to mention some red flags I see. I've told her I'm not ready to fully give myself up yet for a relationship . She is cool and understands and we still talk. It's just still hard to believe how these relationships traumatize. And on top of all this my little jack Russell who is 12 just got diagnosed with cancer. Me and my ex wife got her the day after we returned from honeymoon. So there is a little significance there. I know this feeling will pass as it always does but right now I'm having a tough go of it.

[Bigmd]

Well I've  been doing pretty good now almost 8 months out. But every once in while the crappy days sneak up on me.  It really has nothing to do with exgf. I found out yesterday my ex wife is pregnant. I have to admit it kind of bothers me . I just sucks I'm left in the wake of an abusive BPD relationship and she is happier than ever and righfully so , she should be. I was miserable and never wanted a second child. Mainly because I was having an affair. Now I can't help but sit hear alone thinking about the huge mistake I made. I guess you can say regret. It's painful , I've done my fair share of crying today. I even met a girl that I thought I was into. I had that initial rush of meeting her and taking her out a few times. We've had sex and all was good until I realize I'm not that into her. Not to mention some red flags I see. I've told her I'm not ready to fully give myself up yet for a relationship . She is cool and understands and we still talk. It's just still hard to believe how these relationships traumatize. And on top of all this my little jack Russell who is 12 just got diagnosed with cancer. Me and my ex wife got her the day after we returned from honeymoon. So there is a little significance there. I know this feeling will pass as it always does but right now I'm having a tough go of it.

[Anez]

I'm sorry you're having a rough day, Bigmd. Sounds like there's a lot of heavy stuff going on and it can't be easy to process all of it and to sit with those emotions.

I don't have any profound advice, just letting you know that this stranger hopes you get through it the best you can and know better days are on the horizon. You may not feel that way now but they are.

Do something good for yourself tonight. Hit the gym. Eat some good food. Watch a good movie. And just know you're not alone, we all have days like this and they are rough. But tomorrow is a new day.

[steelwork]

Aw, I'm sorry about your dog. Especially when you're going through all this, a dog can really be better even than a friend. And I know all about the regrets. Regrets suck. I always used to hate it when people said, "Everything happens for a reason." I still kind of do. But it's true that, without even thinking about it or meaning to, you're treading a path towards something yet to be discovered: a life that could not happen without the things you regret happening first. There will be joy in that life. So I guess that's the "reason." Okay? Okay.

[hopealways]

Sorry BigMD! Hang in there.

We all make mistakes, but you are taking things too hard on yourself.  Try to let go. I am 7 months out and trying to 1) let go and 2) stop being so damn hard on myself.  Don't beat yourself up over things, make the most of what you have, you'll be glad you did.

[Bigmd]

Thanks everyone. Yesterday was just one of those days. I was home by myself feeling very alone . I'll admit my dog had got me really effed up. It really gets me thinking of when we first got her and I was happily married . I knew nothing of BPD and what was in store for me. This was a huge trigger for me. I cried a lot , not only for my dog but because of what my life was and where I am now. Luckily I work nights and was able to be distracted. I feel better today . Anex  thanks for the tips. I do workout and run almost everyday. Yesterday was my "cheat " day for eating , so I ate a lot of good junk food  .

[Anez]

I know how you feel, BIGmd. I was happily married with two dogs ... .and then a woman with BPD whom I work with came into my life and completely turned my life upside down. I had no idea what BPD was until after she broke it off with me. I totally got caught up in the tsunami that is an experience with someone with BPD and boy did eff up my life.

I now am no longer married, no longer with my BPD ex, i live alone and now share my dogs with my ex-wife. Sometimes I come home from work, look around my place and wonder what the heck happened to my life? Those can be some dark times, I know.

But now I'm working on picking myself back up and working on myself so I'm a better person. I have tough days, definitely. I know how yesterday felt for you. It just sucks.

But I'm happy with what and who I'm becoming as I push through the wreckage. The rebuilt version of me is going to be a much better version.

So hang in there, post here when times are tough and know you're not the only one going through something like this. you're not close to being alone.

[Bigmd]

Anez thanks . Sorta what happened to me. Married everything going well and I fell for my daughters teacher  . Then an affair and finally divorce. I had no idea what was in store for me. And yeah those days of  lonliness are some dark ones. I was in a bad place yesterday. Crying a lot and wondering what the heck happened to my life. On the bright side I'm prob in the best shape of my life. Kicked off by a 15 lb weight loss after break up. Lol. Anyway I know these days are still ahead of me but also know they will be easier to get through. I'm far better off than I was 7 months ago