I fell into the birthday milestone trap, I think... or maybe it's me

[Depression = 72% of members]

So here I am loaded with guilt with my wife's failed 50th birthday.  I have been asking since July what she wanted to do.  I even had already saved the funds if she wanted to get away... .far if it was just two of us, close if it was with the kids.  Six months of asking.  The it was it was two weeks before her birthday.  My instinct is to "just do something" to show that I am thinking about it, but that has failed SO manny times with the wrong gift and/pr event.  So, I did nothing.

I don't think I can feel any worse about myeslf right now, especially because my kids are looking at me like "What the heck, dad?".  :)espite hearing "I don't want anything, I don't know what I want to for the day" over and over and over.  My intellectual brian is saying that I got "FOGged", but damn... .I am felling pretty crappy about myself now.

[rob95]

So here I am loaded with guilt with my wife's failed 50th birthday.  I have been asking since July what she wanted to do.  I even had already saved the funds if she wanted to get away... .far if it was just two of us, close if it was with the kids.  Six months of asking.  The it was it was two weeks before her birthday.  My instinct is to "just do something" to show that I am thinking about it, but that has failed SO manny times with the wrong gift and/pr event.  So, I did nothing.

I don't think I can feel any worse about myeslf right now, especially because my kids are looking at me like "What the heck, dad?".  :)espite hearing "I don't want anything, I don't know what I want to for the day" over and over and over.  My intellectual brian is saying that I got "FOGged", but damn... .I am felling pretty crappy about myself now.

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[formflier]

OK, let's clarify.

How long until the birthday?

It sounds like you have asked several times, so, I would quit asking.

What do you think would be a good birthday party/gift?   This might be two answers.

General theory.  Ask and if they don't respond, do something reasonable and let them deal with any disappointment.

It's not your role to be a mind reader.

Can you tell us about other birthdays or events that haven't gone so well?   

FF

[rob95]

Birthday was today... .and I gave her whant she communicated.  Nothing.

Whe seeing it through my kids eyes (12, 10 and 8) that was a mistake.  But, when I have done something that was unappproved, I've gotten beaten up for it 90% of the time.  Like I said, I did all the planning and budgeting for it to be something special, but here I am in a miserable place, with her telling my kids how awful I am for not planning something.

I guess I am looking for in this post is clarification, because I fell like to total ass right now, but I also feel like I started the process with her 8 months ago and pestered about it.  Quite frankly, I am morally confused, but then, that it right where the BPD wants, us, right?

[formflier]

OK, don't beat yourself up.  Focus energy on reading the lessons and understanding the "theory" of the best way to approach these kinds of things.

It's a 100% guaranteed success rate.  How does that sound?

Ok, I'll give it away because you control how you approach it and you control how you "measure" your results.

Last hint:  Don't measure your results based on a pwBPDs reaction or approval.

Did she tell you she wanted nothing or did she just not answer?

FF