What do I do when she totally loses reason?

[harmar999]

Last night I was in my bed sleeping and my daughter burst into my room shouting at 10:30 PM. She was accusing me of not having purchased the right birth control pills. The pharmacist had given me Alesse instead of the generic Alysena and she could not understand that they both contain the same medicine. She was asking me to go back to the pharmacy the following morning to get the Alysena instead of the Alesse. I asked her to get out of my room and that we would talk about this the following morning. I must have repeated 20 times to Get out of my room but she wouldn't and kept on shouting and calling me names. At the end, I stood up and pushed her out of my room and closed the door. She came back in the room and I had to take her out again.

She then went downstairs and took her shower. For at least 15 minutes she was shouting and calling me names. I listened to what she was saying in her shower and just couldn't believe her anger. I thought of calling the police or an ambulance because I thought she had totally lost her reason. But finally she went to bed and fell asleep. This morning she came to me and said she was sorry for being so mean to me.

I don't know what to do in these situations. I mean I was in my bed sleeping. What do I do when she loses it?

Thanks for any suggestion.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[middleman]

when my BPDs loses it, there is no talking him down.  It's best to de escalate things before they get out of control.  In your case you had no warning.  In those instances i either call the police or leave for about 30 minutes.  S will usually use his dbt tools to self calm.  Hope this helps. 

[lbjnltx]

Hi harmar999,

Welcome to the Parenting Board!

Sometimes validating our kids feelings and concerns allows them the opportunity to calm down and get into their "wisemind". 

or

Having a pre-stated boundary/limit around being yelled at, awoken in the night, entering your room without invitation and the subsequent consequences of violating your boundary/limit will help you know what to do in those situations.

I found it most helpful to talk to my d during a time of calm about agreeing to "table" a conversation until we are both calm... .ie... ."Let's table this until tomorrow" or "Let's table this until we are both calm and in wisemind"  or "Let's table this until I have had some time to think about your request"

lbj

[DisneyMom]

I used to leave and walk the dog when my teen BPD was in one of these moods. With no one to fight with, it fizzled. This only worked, however, when she was in a good place controlling her self-injury behaviors. Now, I really can't leave her alone. We had to ground 16 year old BPDDD and take away her cell phone last week. She completely lost it to the dark side rage. And she's in a bad place with cutting again. So I just listed to her rage at me for awhile. All the dripping sarcastic mean words. I didn't take it personally. I just wanted it to end. At one point I did walk out of the room, and she started throwing things around, looking to break glass things and hurt herself. I came back and she threatened to run back to the friend's house. I asked her if she really wanted to bring police and this whole scene to her friend's family who was getting ready to go to bed. She admitted she did not. Finally she broke down and cried that she couldn't talk to me. She needed to talk to a friend. I gave her the home phone and the friend's number. By this time it was late and she was near exhausted. She cried to friend for awhile, then I heard her laugh a little. And finally she was asleep. It was about 1:00 am then, but I finally slept, knowing she was safe for the night.

[harmar999]

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. Finally I know that I am not alone facing this. I will use your advise for next time it happens. Again, thank you.