Am I'm going through a breakthrough crisis?

[Peta87]

My Mother had BPD, she Passaway when I was 15. She was extremely sick mentally , she was an alcohol alcoholic ,she does risky behaviours harming herself , multiple overdoses attempts. She was in and out mental hospital all my childhood. She abandoned me greatly when I was young.

I was the rescuer with my mum , I was the child that didn't left her when she was really bad when all my family members did . My childhood goal is all about her needs and making her feel happy and my mission was making her feel less pain.

Now I'm  28 year old, I achieved a lot of things since my parent's Passaway in my teen years. I brought a house , I work full time at a group home for people with disabilties and I just  got married last Dec.

I got four sisters and all my sisters didn't went to my wedding , I beg my twin to come but she let me down, one sister went wedding dress shopping , month before my wedding she just vanished and doesn't want to make contact with me , our relationship was good and I know I haven't did anything wrong. My two oldest half sisters I had issues with , they treated me with no respect  since our Mum died. They all so hard on me.

I had a beautiful wedding and I was happy , they didn't wreck my big day.

After my wedding I started feel abandonement by my whole family. All these flash backs coming back with my mum when she abandoned me , when she weren't there when I came home from school, she will come home the next morning or she will cut herself or taken a overdose when I was there. Her pain is coming back to me and it's making me feel so drained. I wanted to feel like before I got married. Am I'm going through a breakthrough crisis? The flashbacks and the dreams need to go away. I want to enjoy my married life, I'm a newlywed this shouldn't be happening to me.

[Turkish]

Of I were to guess, I would say that since you were the Rescuer, and taking on that role, your sisters abdicated their roles as daughters, that they resent you for her passing. That's even though it was in no way your fault. Does this feel familiar?

[Peta87]

I have no regrets with my mum but they do. They all think , That I think I'm am innocent I can do no wrong. My mum did knowledge and thankful that I helped her when no one will by writing cards to me , which they didn't get. They need to think that they saved themselves a lot of pain when they move out to stay with friends or family members when times was to hard for them to cope with. They wouldn't talk to my mum for months. I just couldn't leave my mum. My mum can do no wrong by me when I was a child, I was never angry with her. I was very clueless what going on with her because I just need her no matter how bad she was , I still need her presence around me. They shouldn't resent me for her passing because I save her life , she had a bad overdose in front of me and stop breathing but I helped her to survive and she live two more years after that bad overdose. I was very close to my mum , we never had a fight but my sisters did. Now I'm the black sheep of the family.

[Turkish]

It sounds like they feel shame, and not knowing how to resolve it, lash out at you or paint you black.

[Peta87]

They put all their anger on me. I'm so fragile , they hurt me so much. I just don't get it , I had a good relationship with my Mum but for some reason I can't have a good relationship with her daughters ,  that she bring into this world. I have to 2nd guess myself what wrong with , why I'm so disliked by my sisters. I know that I'm still got that caring, loving child in me that want the best for my family. They don't want the best for me , they don't want to see my happiness at my wedding or see my brand new house. They don't want any part of it.

[Kwamina]

Hi Peta87

I still remember your first post very well. Your mother was clearly ill and that seriously affected her behavior. It was very hard for you as a child to have to deal with all of this. Yet through it all, love remained alive in you and you were able to empathize with your mother. You did the best you could as a child to deal with a very difficult situation. Your mother had her problems, but it is clear that in spite of everything you loved her very much. I am very sorry she died in such a tragic way and that you lost your mother at such a young age. Do you feel like you've ever really had the chance to truly mourn the loss of your mother?

The things you've been through in your life can definitely be traumatic and it seems like the way your sisters are treating you is re-traumatizing you. I encourage you to take a look at a thread we have here about dealing with trauma as the information listed there might help you cope better with what you're going through:

Dealing with trauma: PTSD, C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks

In that thread we for instance discuss emotional flashbacks and there are steps listed there to help manage those kinds of flashbacks. I hope this information will help you.

Congratulations on getting married! I remember you talking about getting married soon when you joined here last year. Is your husband aware of what you've been through in your childhood with your mother, and also with your dad and sisters?

I am glad you reached out here again for support and advice