Thank God for this site

[Bobby1981]

Hi Everyone

I won't go into the whole story but ultimately I lost a year of my life, my business and my health over an ex with Narc/BPD. I was completely sucked in by the idolisation and looking back now she saw me coming. I am a recovering alcoholic. I met her in a shop where she was devouring me with her eyes and that part of me craving attention fell right in.

She began by saying she was also a recovering alcoholic and started coming to meetings with me and watched me do intimate chairs where I would tell my story and unveil my vulnerabilities. She built me up into a God and I believed it all (I had a heart attack 5 months prior to meeting her and was probably going through some sort of midlife crisis). The crazy thing was that I didn't even find her attractive, I just loved the excessive idolisation and started to believe it!

Then it all started to go wrong and I mean wrong. Constant up and down teenage "dumping". No explanation just cold, sudden nothingness. Like being sucked into a black hole and being crushed into nothing. I became the devil incarnate in her eyes and she had learnt all of my vulnerabilities and emotional buttons to press from our meetings together.

In short she just lied the whole time and was so scared of rejection that she had to "get in first". Just like a young teenager. I feel so sorry for her despite her behaviour because it must be a horrible illness to have but I cannot have her in my life at all now. I have to respect the power of the illness and forget about her and the pain and hurt she caused. It was the illness not her, she simply did not know how to behave like a "normal" person or "feel" like a normal person.

I am finding it hard to forgive the fact that it became clear that she wanted to take my sobriety as well though. She admitted she wasn't an alcoholic at all after about 5 months and frequently drank in from of me, she abused drugs offering them to me and continues to do so despite being in "therapy" where they say it isn't a problem for her to carry on using. Basically she wanted to destroy me completely and almost did.

I am so glad now to be away from it but if I am honest there is a part of me that still wants to "get even" but it gets less and less day by day. I would advise anyone splitting up from a BPD/Narc situation to get out and stay out no matter how tough and painful it is. I know from experience it is incredibly hard because you want to help the person, save the person, cure the person but the bottom line is the illness is unbeatable by us. Admit defeat to the illness, cut your losses, run like the wind and take your life back! Love to you all and thanks for being here

[thisworld]

Bobby 1981 hi

And welcome to bpdfamily. I'm very sorry for what has brought you here but am very happy that you have found us. There are a lot of people here who can relate to your story and some of us have been through the double difficulty of handling emotional turmoil and maintaining sobriety. How is your heart condition now?

It's also common among us to experience anger and the urge "to get even" in the early stages of our recovery here but you seem to be on the right path with that, too.

Have you had a chance to read this article?



How a Borderline Relationship Evolves

Also, may I ask when you split up? Do you still communicate or are you in No Contact?

Please keep posting so we can support each other.

Stay strong!

[Bobby1981]

Thanks thisworld! Great article. Very powerful as so so accurate. It is almost carbon copy of what happened even down to the things she said.

I am not in contact now and don't intend to be anymore - we stopped contact in December. I want nothing else to do with her - it was a highly toxic relationship and there are wonderful caring people out there who know what a living relationship is about: at least I have more idea about what it means myself! Thanks for your support