I'm new I guess that's a start

[sugz]

I am not sure if he does, he hasn't been diagnosed, and probably he never will be.  I'm I guess the victim.  But it doesn't seem like it when I  keep going back to him.  I must like the abuse.  Bit really I dont.  I guess it's hard to say no.  I didn't even know until today about this BPD stuff.  I have read about emotional abuse, and he's all of that.  But I never knew it was an actual thing. That other people understand... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Welcome sugz

Your confusion a sto what is going on and why you seem to be loosing control of your own choices in life are normal.

BPD is like an addiction with the hope of the next high getting you through the lows. Thinking if only we get passed this low things will be fine. But it is not about particular issues, whether they be highs or lows, it is about the endless cyclic pattern, and how do we step off the roller coaster and gain back a more objective say in our own lives.

Dont worry about diagnosis for now, just take your time to look around and ask questions. Learn to take stock of your role in all this, you are the only one you can control and make choices for.

You are not alone, we all ask these same questions.

Waverider

[JQ]

Hi Sugz,

Welcome to the group !  I know that at the moment you're confused, unsure of behavior yours & his, you're frustrated, you have a ocean full of feelings, emotions ... .    You've come to the right place ... .we're anonymous here which allows people to really open up. Ask your questions as they come up, let us know how your feeling the emotions that your dealing with, and we'll be here to listen. WE can't and won't tell you what to do on this journey of yours. 

On your journey you will stumble ... .don't worry ... .we all have. When you do, come back here, someone will be there to hold out a hand, pick you up, dust you off and straighten you up. THEN it's up to YOU to decide what you do next. YOU can continue down the path you currently walking ... .or YOU can take the path to the right & see where that leads too ... .or YOU can sit back down & do nothing. BUT the choice is YOURS. 

I would suggest that you read the references at the top of the page like under personality disorders, tools & department. I would also encourage you to read the references to the right of this page under lesson, surviving, confrontations & disrespect, finding your inner strength. -------------------------------------------------------->> >> >> >

You're probably not really taking care of yourself ... .this is important for you on all levels. YOU need to take care of YOU because no one else will. YOU have to make sure you're getting enough sleep because REM sleep is so important to the repair of your mental & physical health at the end of each day. You need to be sure your eating right because you need to give your body the fuel to deal with the emotional & mental issues that you're dealing with. You need to make sure you're exercising to some degree. Get out and take a mile walk ... .even on a bad day it'll only take 20 minutes and is so important to your ability to deal with stress. Enjoy the sun your face, the sounds of nature ... .and enjoy the small things on your walk ... .empty your mind and try to relax. This will help get the good endorphins moving in your body to help with everything else.

I know you don't know if he has BPD ... .and the references will give you the tools you need to help determine what you're up against. I would also suggest a really good therapist to help you sort out your feelings, emotions, feelings and to help you with your thoughts on BPD.  Like Waverider says, at this point it's not that important ... .start your research, reading and education. And as Waverider points out take stock of you because you can make your choices and decide the way forward for you.  You'r therapist can help you with that too.

You bring up a point ... .we all know about the stereotypical physical abuse of hitting, slapping, etc.  But physical abuse can be waking you up in the middle of the night with a text, a phone call, or a thump to your head while they sleep next to you. This can also be considered emotional & mental abuse because they're denying you the sleep you require everyday.  Not telling others like family & friends about your relationship could be considered emotional abuse. And the list goes on ... .we've all been there.

I'm glad you found the group ... .come back as often as you need too ... .more importantly as often as you WANT to!    Ask questions ... .give examples ... .and get as many cyberhugs as you need and want 

JQ