exBPD Broke NC 2 months out

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I thought my ex would never speak to me again, but I did receive a letter recently.

In it contained . . . an apology.  He took full responsibility for his actions, and asked for nothing in return, except he said he hopes I can forgive him for his poor behavior. 

I broke NC and told him I forgive him . . . well because I do.

He said he's been in therapy for the 2 months he hasn't spoken to me, and he has been alone working on himself.  He says he realizes he has mental issues, but he's not sure how to navigate them yet.   He said therapy has been helping him and he feels much better because of it.  He says he plans to continue with it for a very long time and it's made him more centered and stable.

He's also said he ran away from me, because he was afraid I would leave, and that rejection was too much to handle.  He said through therapy he's realized his fears are not founded in logic, but rather desperation.  He said he's starting to realize the negative emotion he feels inside, he projects onto the people he loves, and he's trying to fix the problems he feels inside so he can start treating his friends, family, lovers better.

This has been a rough road for me.  This letter was much more than I could ask for.

If you guys are wondering "Are you two getting back together?"

No.  We are not. 

I'm glad he's getting help, I'm glad he's apologized, I'm glad he's taking responsibility.  That's where I am at for now.  In the future could something happen?  I do not know, and I'm not going to think about it.  Right now, I'm still focused on me, on myself getting better, working on my own therapy, and my own issues.  I'm glad he's doing the same. 

I wished him the best of luck, and I thanked him for his apology.

Thanks to everyone here for being here for me and helping me through a tough time.  After these past few days I'm feeling more calm and relaxed, and this is much needed closure for me.  It's hard to find closure on your own.  Very hard.  Many of us here know that. 

Much love to you all.

[Rmbrworst]

I thought my ex would never speak to me again, but I did receive a letter recently.

In it contained . . . an apology.  He took full responsibility for his actions, and asked for nothing in return, except he said he hopes I can forgive him for his poor behavior. 

I broke NC and told him I forgive him . . . well because I do.

He said he's been in therapy for the 2 months he hasn't spoken to me, and he has been alone working on himself.  He says he realizes he has mental issues, but he's not sure how to navigate them yet.   He said therapy has been helping him and he feels much better because of it.  He says he plans to continue with it for a very long time and it's made him more centered and stable.

He's also said he ran away from me, because he was afraid I would leave, and that rejection was too much to handle.  He said through therapy he's realized his fears are not founded in logic, but rather desperation.  He said he's starting to realize the negative emotion he feels inside, he projects onto the people he loves, and he's trying to fix the problems he feels inside so he can start treating his friends, family, lovers better.

This has been a rough road for me.  This letter was much more than I could ask for.

If you guys are wondering "Are you two getting back together?"

No.  We are not. 

I'm glad he's getting help, I'm glad he's apologized, I'm glad he's taking responsibility.  That's where I am at for now.  In the future could something happen?  I do not know, and I'm not going to think about it.  Right now, I'm still focused on me, on myself getting better, working on my own therapy, and my own issues.  I'm glad he's doing the same. 

I wished him the best of luck, and I thanked him for his apology.

Thanks to everyone here for being here for me and helping me through a tough time.  After these past few days I'm feeling more calm and relaxed, and this is much needed closure for me.  It's hard to find closure on your own.  Very hard.  Many of us here know that. 

Much love to you all.

[steelwork]

That's so great. I'm really happy you got this acknowledgement. It's my fondest wish at this point, but I'm not holding my breath 15 months after being dumped unceremoniously.

[Rmbrworst]

That's so great. I'm really happy you got this acknowledgement. It's my fondest wish at this point, but I'm not holding my breath 15 months after being dumped unceremoniously.

I know how you feel.  Not having closure is so difficult, and so hard to find within ourselves.

I truly consider myself lucky that I have the closure I wanted.  I'm not trying to brag, I know I am really really lucky. 

My heart goes out to you and I'm hoping you can find the strength you need on your own and you can heal.

[kc sunshine]

Wow, that is amazing! Great work in keeping your boundary and also in responding with grace and forgiveness.

I wonder if your boundary-setting response is going to lead to more aggressive attempts to reconnect (or maybe his work in therapy will check that tendency).

[Rmbrworst]

Wow, that is amazing! Great work in keeping your boundary and also in responding with grace and forgiveness.

I wonder if your boundary-setting response is going to lead to more aggressive attempts to reconnect (or maybe his work in therapy will check that tendency).

Really glad you brought that up. 

I am dedicated to setting firm boundaries, and I will respond in kind if that situation does happen.  I will not allow to be stalked or pushed/pulled or any kind of behavior that I find unhealthy. 

At this point, we had a small discussion, and since then it has been left alone.  That's good for me, and I'm happy with that. 

I like that you noted to be on the look out for behavior that may undermine my progress.

Much love to you.

[kc sunshine]

That sounds great Rmbrworst! Keep your eyes on the prize (you)!   

Wow, that is amazing! Great work in keeping your boundary and also in responding with grace and forgiveness.

I wonder if your boundary-setting response is going to lead to more aggressive attempts to reconnect (or maybe his work in therapy will check that tendency).

Really glad you brought that up. 

I am dedicated to setting firm boundaries, and I will respond in kind if that situation does happen.  I will not allow to be stalked or pushed/pulled or any kind of behavior that I find unhealthy. 

At this point, we had a small discussion, and since then it has been left alone.  That's good for me, and I'm happy with that. 

I like that you noted to be on the look out for behavior that may undermine my progress.

Much love to you.