Painted Black and how long has it been?

[Confused108]

I'm just curious if anyone else and I'm sure has been "Painted Black"? And if so how long? My ex after she ended this in Sept 2015 wanted to still remain friends. I at first was ok with it then thought hell no after all the crap she did to me. How she ran after me to start this relationship again and then at the end turn the whole thing on me and say I did everything (projection). I've been painted black early October blocking me on FB. Telling my ex wife I better stay out of her life or she will get a No contact restraint order on me after I realized what she had BPD and sent her articles thru email to help her. Have not heard a peep out of her except for fake FB messages that are possibly her. Anyone else?

[JRT]

a year and a half... .blocked immediately

[C.Stein]

I am relatively certain I have been painted the blackest of blacks until the end of time.  In order for that to change she would have to accept responsibility for what she did to me and that simply won't ever happen.  She is so caught up in the lies she has told herself, and probably others, casting herself the victim and justifying her actions she will forever be unable to see the real truth again.  She will literally convince herself of a new truth, I've seen it happen.  I can hear her in my head now painting me black, scapegoating me, tearing me down in order to build herself up to ensure others will see her as a good person who did nothing wrong.  That special painting black voice of hers, those words she is certainly uttering, swirl in my head like a tornado of glass cutting deep into my psyche.  It is one of the many things I have had trouble coming to terms with.

How long has it been ... .when she started to devalue me last year until the day she dies. 

[Confused108]

I know how you feel Stein. I was painted black at 15 yo with my ex. Then she found me on FB in 2013. Tried her little suttle flirts and I didn't budge.I had remembered what she did to me as a teen and thought no way was she interested. Well I was wrong last June she came on to me said she still loved me all those years blah blah . Well within 1 week she began push/ pull , testing me etc. . Final discard Sept 4 2015. I am now painted black once again and feel I will stay that way too. I seem to be the only one she really gives the harshest treatment too. I do t know why?

[TheCodependent1]

Been a few weeks since I've been painted black, actually started two days shy of our one year anniversary. I mentioned to her that I felt we needed some help, both of us and that I was starting therapy, the next day I was blocked from all avenues of contact. I haven't heard from her since and don't expect to.

Confused108, I think you are treated the harshest likely because you are the closest to revealing her true self, a person with a mental illness and she will rage against the person who threatens her existence. Just an excerpt from an article:

"The danger felt by the person with Borderline Personality Disorder motivated by neurotic fear of being found out and facing possible rejection or abandonment, stems from disordered emotional processing and cognition. As a result, the very idea of someone exposing the reality of borderline behavior is a trigger that evokes fear of exposure along with the subsequent fear of abandonment. Consequently, the potential of facing this stress triggers the core issue, the fear of abandonment, isolation, and public exposure to the truth resulting in Borderline Rage."

"If you are the person who understands the deception and the personality disorder patterns and you decide to challenge the dysregulating behavior patterns, be prepared to become the focused object of rage motivated by irrational belief that you pose a threat for abandonment, social isolation, and rejection."

Read this article, in my opinion it is the very best for understanding the BPD illness and why people with BPD behave as they do.

https://organizationalchangesolutions.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/deception-and-the-borderline-personality-what-could-have-been/

[Confused108]

Thanks Co. And I am truly sorry for what you went thru as well. I with my ex believe it has to do with our being broken up. Neither of us left eachother. It was my Mother who broke it up. She told my ex I was dating another person and threatened her as well. So in my exs mind it was me who left her bc she told me that she believed my Mother that I was seeing someone else that was not even true. I explained that to my Ex now that I never dated that person and my mother had lied to her. She one night last August texted me at 430 am saying she was crying missing my love but was afraid of it. She also said that she knows me but she doesn't. Then she said she does not want to fully commit bc she is reminded of when she did that in the past. So I assume she is speaking about us as teens and being torn apart from eachother. She went into a mental hospital 9 months later . After she came out she was no better mutual friends had told me. So I feel I am a trigger for her. I do believe some where she does love me but is afraid I will hurt her. It just sucks bc as everyone here knows ... .There is NO getting thru to them!

[Scopikaz]

Since thanksgiving 2015.  We've done a few things. Christmas Eve gift exchange. The other things where I helped her look for a house in early January.  A dinner in January.  Then concert, trip, musical in February. 

But in terms of letting any of her friends or family know we did these things. No. She has painted me black with them for sure. 

I'd really love for her friends to find out too. But not sure how to do that.

[Confused108]

Wow! Yea I felt like with me and my ex I was her ":)irty Little Secret"! She didn't want anyone to know about me. She didn't want me telling some of our mutual friends about us again etc. I told one of iur mutual friends. I do t k ow what that's about but I would let them know  for sure. I'm getting sick and tired of them causing us all this chaos and they get to just walk away like nothing happen.