What were some of the LIES your Ex BPD told you?

[Stolen]

Oh - those lies of omission... .like not finding the opportunity in almost 30 years to mention she was actually a lesbian who was "repulsed" by men?

And  direct lies?  Like those she told to me, a priest, and God?  Well, people change... .

The mendacity was really the defining behavior for me, including the "little lies" over absolutely inconsequential things.

Must be a crazy place in that belfry.

[gotbushels]

1.deceased father was an attorney/ he was a window washer

2.sold her townhouse so her exbf could add a 2 nd floor addition onto his bar/ restaurant and he owed her 320k for this/ never owned a piece of real estate in her life

3.her exbf took her and her son to paris for vacation/ son asks wheres paris and suddenly when i ask their passports are lost

4.her exbf took her skydiving/ she did a tandem jump with an instructor/ no picture?

5.was a dj at a radio station/ no you were an intern out of college

6.i have cervical cancer/ no you have hpv

More stories than Walt Disney and i still stuck it out for 6 years!

I am running for the hills. Those lies are. Wow. I respect you for putting up with that. For 6 years too.

[yellowflower]

That he never lies was the biggest one. His exact words 'I never lie'.

When I at a later time mentioned this he said that he had never said that and then told me a story about Buddha and how lying isn't really lying and that truth isn't really truth, there is only one universal truth like a flower, a flower is Truth and that the Truth is the Truth, the truth is what is 'useful' and not necessarily what is just simply 'true'.

The truth for him became that I was a terrible, horrible, devious person and this wasn't just his opinion it was 'the truth'. That if I left him my life would be '___ed and I would keep ___ing up everything and that I would be ___ed and have no family and no friends and never heal'.

That even if you tell a lie it is the intent behind it that matters not the things that you've said. This became very confusing and convenient. If he accused me of lying even if I could physically prove it with a message or some evidence he was still adamant I was a liar, if I questioned something he said he would go into a rage about how idiotic and simple minded and mentally confused I was. That I didn't understand what he'd meant and that I take everything too literally.

[rfriesen]

My exBPDgf used to tell me how her sisters told small lies all the time (eg about who said what to mom) and it drove her crazy. "I hate lies. I really really hate when people start with these lies, even little ones." Before this relationship, I understood the basic idea of projection - but at an abstract level. I had never witnessed "live" the kind of continuous projection my ex was capable of -- which is why it completely blind-sided me, and it's only as my mind has been clearing since coming out of the relationship that it's all sunk in. For my ex, "I hate lies" = "I can't help lying compulsively" ... .and in that twisted sense, I do think it's true that she hates lies. But, man oh man, the projection. The level of jealousy and possessiveness she displayed was so far beyond anything I've ever experienced that it really did keep me off-balance and blind to her constant need for attention from other men.

[steelwork]

What conclusions do you draw from the types of lies they told you? I'm thinking of this paragraph from the article, "Is It Borderline Personality?"

https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

"The behaviors exhibited during a relationship for all of these afflictions can look somewhat alike but the driving forces and the implications can be very different. For example, was that lying predatory (as in ASPD), ego driven (as in NPD), defensive (as in BPD), a result of being out of control (as in alcoholism), or social ineptitude (as in Aspergers)."

The lies I was told were, I'm pretty sure, defensive. They were lies of omission about my replacement, and lies around his feelings towards me (like hiding the anger that he thought would drive me away). I saw how sneaky he was with other people while we were together, so in retrospect I'm not surprised. I don't know--there may have been a million ego-driven lies that I just never uncovered.  He was certainly phony with a lot of people, which is manipulative and arguably ego-driven.

[HarleypsychRN]

Seriously,

Who knows what the truth was and what was a lie. My exBPD had this whole mosaic of language constructed to explain things... .such as

"My body is a road map of my life" 

TRANSLATION- my arms and legs are all scarred from cutting myself

"I have bipolar disorder but it's under control, I never get manic" 

TRANSLATION- I am a raging borderline

"I'm ready for a healthy relationship"

TRANSLATION- Come rescue me

I could go on and on and on and on... .you get the picture?

[adaw]

i am not sure if she told me any truths.

[JerryRG]

What occured to me is if I said I would do something that really wasn't a big deal say I would be there around 2 and show up at 2:30 because I could not help being late because of real circumstances such as appointments running longer etc. She always called me a liar. I would say it isn't a lie, I cannot possibly be 100% accurate with my schedule.

Yet she could say things like, she drove to our local mall and parked her car. When she comes back her car had been broken into and someone left a bottle of pills in her back seat.

Yep yep I read about this almost everyday. People breaking into cars and leaving goodies... .yep yep

[WoundedBibi]

What conclusions do you draw from the types of lies they told you? I'm thinking of this paragraph from the article, "Is It Borderline Personality?"

https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

"The behaviors exhibited during a relationship for all of these afflictions can look somewhat alike but the driving forces and the implications can be very different. For example, was that lying predatory (as in ASPD), ego driven (as in NPD), defensive (as in BPD), a result of being out of control (as in alcoholism), or social ineptitude (as in Aspergers)."

The lies I was told were, I'm pretty sure, defensive. They were lies of omission about my replacement, and lies around his feelings towards me (like hiding the anger that he thought would drive me away). I saw how sneaky he was with other people while we were together, so in retrospect I'm not surprised. I don't know--there may have been a million ego-driven lies that I just never uncovered.  He was certainly phony with a lot of people, which is manipulative and arguably ego-driven.

Really interesting this! Do you have examples of all the different type of lies so I can analyse what the lies my ex told me were?

[Lexisdad]

Gotbushels,

Looking back there were so many lies. One of the biggest i left out was this. Her cousin, a police officer had been shot in the leg prior to our relationship. I was a police officer at the time and worked about 20 miles away from where her cousin worked. A police officer shot is big news wherever it is. I actually had to scratch my head over that one. Of course i verified it never happened. Funny thing is her mom told me about a year into the relationship " all she does is lie and tell stories" and ruins every relationship because all she does is fight and argue. How right her mother was.

[blackbirdsong]

Gotbushels,

Funny thing is her mom told me about a year into the relationship " all she does is lie and tell stories" and ruins every relationship because all she does is fight and argue. How right her mother was.

... .and now we know why she has BPD... .   

[JerryRG]

Same with me lexisdad

My exs mother told me countless times she was a pathological lier and she did everything in secret, kinda scary when I realize how much I chose to ignore. And we were with them because?

[Lexisdad]

She was diagnosed as bipolar and on meds. There is no doubt she is a pwBPD. I truly believed i became addicted to her. I dont care how strong of a person the non is, the pwBPD really do some job on us emotionally. I know in my heart i will never have any contact with her ever again in this lifetime.

[JerryRG]

My ex is diagnosed bipolar and ADHD, which I've learned are the 2 most common misdiagnosis for pwBPD.

And to get her to even take her meds was impossible. I bought her pill bars and she still wouldn't use them and missed doses on a daily basis. She took sleeping aids too. She told me once my son layed down at 4pm and didn't wake up until 1pm the next day. Guess she gave him a few?  

Omg I cannot believe this, yes they are masters at mind control, my ex was removed from her home by her mother at 14 because she would not allow a peaceful family environment. Constant accusations of abuse from step dad. She lived with people from then on taking advantage of them.

[hurting300]

I love you, I'll never give up, I am telling the truth. Lots of nice things .