Unfortunetly here

[Jox]

Hi all,

I really thought we would work things out, many many things did get improved, what didn't was:

1. When he feels or is criticized the splitting is paradigm and it ends in "ending" a relationship, the criticism can be totally light and unimportant.

2. The impossibility to take responsibility for splitting in any time... .

These two things are what made me think that it is not going to get better or under some kind of possible management.

On my side, two things happened in past three months that made me possible leave:

1. Book Woman who love too much

2. After reading a book or afte few pages I went nuts and immediately joined first thing at hand Neuroticus Annonimus.

Now, just 2 days from separation I started to doubt and blame myself for not having enough patience or whatnot. But then I started to remember my talks, and I couldn't pretend that the horrible things somehow didn't happen.

It is still very hard, if he decides to go to therapy AND recognize the past damage, I may reconsider, but I doubt.

He changed but he has a lots of explicitly evil aspects, some went away, but is eternity long enough?

Don't know how I fell.

Best

Jox

[thisworld]

Jox, welcome to this forum

I'm sorry that you are here as separation is painful but I'm happy that we all help each other here and things get better. 

How are you doing today?

You sound torn between different feelings. Please know that this is very common for many of us. The relationship ends and we feel kind of strong. But then other feelings come back and we start questioning ourselves. Please treat yourself with kindness and care.

So it's been just a few days since you separated. Has anything new happened since the last time you posted here?

And has anything happened between you and your partner recently to lead you to this decision (other than the book and the meetings you mention?)

Looking forward to hearing your replies so that we can support you better here

[Jox]

Hi thisworld,

I must say that from when I found out this forum, which is when I realized he has BPD, I never looked at this section. I felt it was a loser section, and that definitely "we", or me not him I will make it work. Now looking back at my attitude I am surprised by the arrogance of mine.

I know that it will and it is difficult, but just few hours ago I was talking to a possible new roommates, a gay couple renting a room. I met one of them, and I was surprised how normal he is, and I almost feel I am some kind of alien in this "new" world. I feel I am voayer into the world of,normal people. This feels strange, I am not sure I am envious, since even that feels far away.

My ex was so possessive that over past 14 years I lived in social isolation, and I am very social person.

So now I am just watching a world, a new world that I have forgotten it exists.

I will write few posts how all this happenened.

Jox

[Shale]

I met one of them, and I was surprised how normal he is, and I almost feel I am some kind of alien in this "new" world. I feel I am voayer into the world of,normal people. This feels strange, I am not sure I am envious, since even that feels far away.

I understand this very much. It isn't fading nearly as fast as I would like and I wasn't with my ex nearly as long as you with yours. You have my sympathy and I have your back.

Welcome.

[thisworld]

Hello Jox

I'm sorry that you experienced isolation for so long. And you are right, new interactions feel like we are aliens in new territory. But I think in time, and with acceptance (both of ourselves and the acceptance we receive), we start feeling more welcome in that  territory. I had a brief relationship with my ex, it was like a crash course really. Stepping out of it, I just feel terrified sometimes that I was deprived of so many varieties of positive behaviour toward me in such a short time, some of them things human ordinarily offer. Goodness surprises me sometimes, and that's not a nice lesson for me if it gets ingrained - luckily it isn't:)) I think having flatmates could be a nice experience offering new opportunities for socialization - after a nice welcome dinner by the landlord  

I must say that from when I found out this forum, which is when I realized he has BPD, I never looked at this section. I felt it was a loser section, and that definitely "we", or me not him I will make it work. Now looking back at my attitude I am surprised by the arrogance of mine.

Many of us come here thinking we are losers (regardless of whether we were discarded or ended the relationship ourselves), only to discover that we are survivors and hopefully we will be thrivers Maybe you wanted to avoid seeing some bad experiences and maybe, at that stage, your relationship was really nowhere near our experiences. In any case, what's important is to stay connected even if you choose travel between boards, always getting the support you need (no matter where you are at that stage). That's the most important thing because you matter regardless of where you are in terms of a relationship. 

Stay strong!