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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Well that was certainly a plot twist  (Read 1291 times)
.cup.car
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C:\Papyrus


« on: March 05, 2016, 10:36:52 PM »

I looked her up out of sheer curiosity. Probably shouldn't have done that.

She's homeless in Australia. No job, no money, no place to go, not currently enrolled at any school down there, and begging on some app for a place to stay for the night. I don't know why anyone would willingly admit to this on social media.

Part of me was completely jacked. That's my confirmation that she won't disrupt this upcoming racing season. I was extremely worried about that. The same thing happened to my buddy when he raced in Vernon - his ex showed up to the track with a new guy just to harass him. So to sit here and know that won't happen to me is glorious.

But I did the math, and it's hard not to feel partially at fault. She gets busted posting about me online, the cops go talk to her and her family, and she responds by fleeing to the other side of the world to presumably escape the embarassment.

I feel so much guilt for this outcome. I knew the court documents would cause a rift in their family due to what I included; but never imagined it would be this extreme.



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Turkish
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
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« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2016, 10:54:24 PM »

I looked her up out of sheer curiosity. Probably shouldn't have done that.

She's homeless in Australia. No job, no money, no place to go, not currently enrolled at any school down there, and begging on some app for a place to stay for the night. I don't know why anyone would willingly admit to this on social media.

She got in trouble for doing this before. Sounds like she hasn't learned, or is addicted to the perceived social validation.

Do you feel guilt, or responsibility here?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
.cup.car
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C:\Papyrus


« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2016, 11:42:24 PM »

She got in trouble for doing this before. Sounds like she hasn't learned, or is addicted to the perceived social validation.

Do you feel guilt, or responsibility here?

Both. I crafted the court exhibits in a way where if she went to mommy and daddy for help with the whole thing - which she did - they'd see she bombarded me with all of these crazy "daddy hits me" messages. Those, coupled with her sister siding with me in private, most likely cause outbursts at home I can't even begin to comprehend. And then for her to go and press the issue to the point where the police had to show up at her place AGAIN - well somebody had to tell the cops about it in the first place, right?

I feel like I don't deserve anything good to happen to me. When this all started she lost her job as a result, and it took me a while to live with that. Now, it's a step further and she's homeless... .Just feels like I'm waiting for Karma.
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Turkish
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12127


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2016, 11:48:34 PM »

Was the way you originally set this up.motivated by the desire for revenge (whether to get back at her, or expose her to the world), or to protect yourself?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
.cup.car
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C:\Papyrus


« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2016, 12:59:45 AM »

Was the way you originally set this up motivated by the desire for revenge (whether to get back at her, or expose her to the world), or to protect yourself?

Well taking things to court was done to protect myself. This girl would just pop up out of the blue to continue arguing about a relationship that literally didn't matter anymore. It really messed with me and I wanted it to stop. It was like having a clingy girlfriend, but she didn't do girlfriend things - she followed me around every once in a while and called me names. Like, when was it going to end? Are we going to be 30 and fighting about a relationship we had when we were 17? Cause we were halfway there.

I pushed certain buttons in the court documents because I was afraid her folks would support her and help spin a story to paint me as the bad guy - which is a real risk given how women receive preferential treatment in the court system. So I intentionally mentioned stuff that would cause fights in her household to lessen the chances of them helping her out. Not that I lied about anything, I just included some really private stuff that was both integral to the situation AND bound to cause problems.

But I guess now it's finally hitting me what all that warranted:

- her parents hate her

- her sister hates her

- she lost her job

- she ran away to the other side of the world

- she's now homeless in a foreign country

Meanwhile I sit here with basically no repercussions, and I feel like I almost deserve a bit of punishment for it.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12127


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2016, 01:12:45 AM »

What would you do differently, if you knew then what you know now?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
.cup.car
****
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Gender: Male
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 251

C:\Papyrus


« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2016, 03:08:55 PM »

What would you do differently, if you knew then what you know now?

I'm... .I'm not sure. I shudder to think what would have happened if I wasn't assertive and allowed her to walk all over me.
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