Can't decide whether or not to go no contact on my ex

[paperlung]

And by no contact, I mean changing my phone number and email address. I did this once before (after we broke up in 2013) and was able to avoid communication with her for an entire year. I lied to her about changing my email address though before initiating NC, but she believed it. The problem is, my email is registered to a lot of different places, so changing it would be a huge hassle. And just blocking her email wouldn't be very efficient either because she could just write me from a different address.

I do and I don't want to do this. I do want to go NC because she causes me a lot of stress/anxiety/heartache. There's always drama going on in her life and she always reaches out to me in times of crisis and I always come rushing in to help her, and I'm getting sick of it. I'm just not strong enough to listen to her sob story and then be like, "Sorry. Can't help. Bye."

For example, just a couple of nights ago (after she told me she would never speak to me again), she left voicemail on my phone, crying hysterically. She said the guy she met over a week ago was verbally abusing her and was going to kick her out of the truck and throw all her stuff in the river. Apparently, the two of them were in the process of moving into a place together that night when an argument ensued. I text her and ask what was going on. She ends up apologizing for contacting me, says she got herself into this mess and has no one else to blame but herself, has already dug her grave and is ready to lie in it, ect. She literally met this guy off Tinder not even two weeks ago and is now roommates with him! She also told me that he has told her a lot about himself and that he has "mental problems" but that so does she and that she thought they could help each other out. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, and I don't want to be around when things go south.

I don't want to go NC out of FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt). She doesn't have a family to support her, nor does she have any real close friends. She's constantly in survival mode, discovering new men and is very promiscuous, so when things don't work out with new guy(s), she will use me as a fallback, and I'm getting sick of it. But the thought of her knowing I abandoned her saddens me. To have her call me up next time in a time of need only to hear "this number is not in service" on the other line... .

I feel like I can't move on though knowing she can text or ring me up at any time. I'm so torn. And even if I were to change my number and email address, I'm sure she'd still find away to get a hold of me at some point.

[Turkish]

The FOG is a good explanation of what keeps you attached, and changing your email definitely sounds like a hassle. So drill down: what keeeps you engaged here? Not what is it about her (and here I sympathize, I would find it hard not to answer too), but what is it that you feel drives you deep down to answer?

[paperlung]

The FOG is a good explanation of what keeps you attached, and changing your email definitely sounds like a hassle. So drill down: what keeeps you engaged here? Not what is it about her (and here I sympathize, I would find it hard not to answer too), but what is it that you feel drives you deep down to answer?

That's a difficult question to answer... .Probably love. I love her, I know I can't be with her though, but I wish I could. She's just too damaged and too low-functioning to have a mature, give-and-take romantic relationship with.

So remember in my original post when I said, "Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, and I don't want to be around when things go south." Well, they went south already. She contacted me again last night. I had her number blocked, but I got a phone call around 11 PM and I just had a funny feeling it was her, so I unblocked her number. Maybe 30 minutes later I get a text from her saying that the cops were on their way. Turns out, she called the cops on her roommate because she was afraid for her safety and wanted him out (they just moved in together too). Apparently this guy is quite the headcase according to my ex; physically abused his ex, been to anger management classes, does cocaine and other drugs, sells drugs, almost killed someone before, ect. She played to me some of her recordings of him yelling at her that night in the moving truck. There was one thing he mentioned in the recording that really struck a cord with me because I could relate to it so well. He said something along the lines of, "You never say thank you for anything! Never show any appreciation for what I've done for you!" When I heard that, I couldn't help but smirk because I've said the same thing to my ex plenty of times (although, I didn't yell it). Hell, even when she was staying with me and my family my mom thought it was weird how she never said thanks for anything. She noticed that all on her own too.

So what happens next with them living together is still up in the air. Either he moves out, leaving my ex to pay $12000 in rent monthly, or they try and get along better (don't see that happening).

This is my ex from 3 years ago! And I'm still involved in her drama. Yeah, I try and be good friend to her because she doesn't really have any, but holy hell... .I'm getting tired of all this. Really, really tired.