New relationship - Need Support

[HealingMe]

Hi everyone. I'm struggling with not feeling like I have anyone to talk to at the moment.

I hope this might become a place to share and gain some support, as I'm feeling very alone at the moment :-(

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Hi Healing,

Welcome. Would you mind sharing what you have been going through and what brings you here?

[HealingMe]

I ran out of time earlier... .

It's not like me to not know what to say or to feel hesitant to express myself... .but here I am feeling that coming up for me... .

SITUATION : Met my new gf who has BPD just under 2 months ago, & began communicating & very quickly dating seriously about a month ago. And she is now living with me! (& my 2 flatmates, 17 yr old son & ex-husband who lives downstairs) Yes, a not so cosy arrangement atm!

*** I was NOT looking for a relationship ***

*** I broke off my last relationship 6 months prior (after 3 yrs) due to hypersensitivity & negativity connected with mental health issues

*** I had clearly told my friends etc that I did not want to again date someone with significant mental health issues as it's been a theme in all my relationships  ***

*** I had said I knew I appear to always be drawn to that, but I don't want it (as I always end up hurting) & thus I need to work on me & my stuff so as to not be attracted to that anymore ***

*** I had ZERO intent to rush into living with a new partner. I think it is not a good idea & a recipe for putting too much pressure on a new relationship. It doesnt allow time & space to digest things after time together in.a dating type of environment. ***

SO...  I am in a bit of surprise & shock at my current situation... .its like I'm caught up in a Huge Whirlwind & I haven't had any calm to be able to stop & take stock & figure out what the heck is going on!

After my marriage ended in 2002, I have only had female partners. My first girlfriend in 2003 had BPD & a cannabis addiction, but was seeking help to quit. I naively entered that relationship completely oblivious to what BPD was or even Cannabis addiction, & wanting to support her in quitting.

Today that first gf (with BPD) is a close friend, or rather more like a little sister that I have supported & unfortunately enabled also along the way. Her addiction is still firmly here to stay & she has had many hospital visits over the past 10+ years.

I had a positive shift in my boundaries with her last year, which was good, but I had to get to almost breaking point to finally make them!

Having loved and supported this friend over the years, I'm actually ashamed that I didn't go out of my way to educate myself better about BPD.

In 2006 I bought the book about Walking on Eggshells... .I picked it up because it mentioned Borderline, but in flicking through it, so much of it related to my relationship mother.  But...  I have only read a few portions of the book tho. I found it on the shelf just recently.

I **KNOW** I need to study it well.

-----

TBC... . Getting sleepy

[HealingMe]

Hi Healing,

Welcome. Would you mind sharing what you have been going through and what brings you here?

Thanks Chili! :-) I have more to add but will get back to it tomorrow hopefully.