New here

[miraclehands]

Hello, i'm new here. Recently my wife of 6 years was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. I want to be able to help her and help our marriage in any way. We will begin counseling with in the net week for our marriage, and she has begun speaking to a therapist. I don't know much about BPD and i want to get as much information about it as possible to be able to help my wife and out marriage. Any suggestions on books to read?

Thank you

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Stalwart]

Hey Miracle:

I'm sure  a moderator will be along to help you out more and introduce you to the lessons and other parts of this site that can really help you.

Meantime there is a list of book reviews above you under the green "Tools" section. I've read practically every book published and one of the best yet I think was "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is technically detailed but it is a good common starting place to better understand some of their emotions and how they play on supporters though.

You have a huge advantage (as I) over so many on this site Miracle and I'd just like to make you aware of that so you can see the hope that so many others have a difficult time finding sometimes. You're wife has a diagnosis, was willing to do that and is also willing to look into therapy.

Best first step ever in starting to build a new way for both of you.

You've also found a good site here to talk, vent and particularly learn.

[miraclehands]

Thank you so much. I know the road ahead will not be easy. Atleast now with a diagnoses, i can start to look into everything. I was ready to leave, throw in the towel but did not let her know, then by some miracle she calls me on the phone and she "messed up" again and said she needs help. She admitted herself into the hospital. Most courageous thing she has even done in my eyes.

With her being diagnosed with BPD along with PTSD, it really makes since. Her childhood wasn't the best, and now looking back she says she wished she would have gotten helped a long time ago

[adaw]

when things get out of hand walk away. i have a girlfriend with both conditions as well. i have learned to keep quiet, but sometimes the insults and attacks cuts to the bone. i told her i won;t stand for her bullying. i moved out three times and every time she came to fetch me, and promising to get treatment, which she never did.

[sweetheart]

Hello miraclehands, 

It's very good to hear you both have therapy planned, and that your w has a diagnosis. You're right the road ahead will not be easy, but therapy, treatment where necessary and an educated, informed approach from you to all things BPD can really make some differences.

Here is a link to get you started Communication Skills - Validation

If you can begin to understand how by changing your approach to your new wife's dysregulated behaviours, this can reduce conflict and diffuse tension. Validation is not a magic bullet, but it can help.

Keep posting, we here to support and guide you whenever you need it.

Let us know how therapy went.

[waverider]

You cannot fix your wife but you can give plenty of support so that she can work through this with professionals.

You will learn here have to adapt yourself so you are better placed to do this.

One thing I can't stress enough is that a diagnosis and a willingness to seek help is only the start of a rocky road, but at least it is a road. Things to be aware of are that the change will be a slow evolution, not a sudden revelation, there will be much frustration and feelings of helplessness along the way, as there is no quick fix. It will require changing two personalities both hers and yours.

You will learn much about yourself. It will be as much about the journey as it is about the destination