Emotophobia

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Everyone

I've been a regular here for several months now and I've read lots of posts about people with BPD who rage and act out in other ways. My ex fits all the criteria for BPD apart from self-harming (this might be linked with his narcissistic tendencies, I'm not really sure), and angry outbursts. He expressed his anger to me in a cold and controlled way, usually as spite. Although I he did tell me about losing his temper with others on a couple of occasions, he seemed frightened of being angry. I wondered if this was a fear of losing control but wasn't sure. I only saw him lose control once and it seemed to terrify him, it was contained but very worrying. So I've been perplexed.

He frequently told me that he had created his own bubble, he lived within it and liked everything to be nice and quiet and pretty. And that I was now in his bubble with him. I found this a bit strange, it felt avoidant - as though he couldn't cope with the ups and downs of life's emotions.

At the beginning of our relationship he categorically told me that if we ever argued our relationship would be over. We did argue, just the once, and the relationship was over with him repeatedly saying that we could never get back together, although he wanted FWB. When I thought about that in retrospect I thought that it might have been a form of control.  

Since then I've read about "Quiet Borderline PD" and wonder if anyone has experience of it. It seems that Quiet Borderlines have Emotophobia which is a fear of strong negative emotions and difficulty in expressing them.

I'd be really interested to know if anyone else has known this type of behaviour from someone with BPD. Since learning about it previously senseless things are making sense for me and I wonder if this resonates with others.

Thanks.

[troisette]

Hi Everyone

I've been a regular here for several months now and I've read lots of posts about people with BPD who rage and act out in other ways. My ex fits all the criteria for BPD apart from self-harming (this might be linked with his narcissistic tendencies, I'm not really sure), and angry outbursts. He expressed his anger to me in a cold and controlled way, usually as spite. Although I he did tell me about losing his temper with others on a couple of occasions, he seemed frightened of being angry. I wondered if this was a fear of losing control but wasn't sure. I only saw him lose control once and it seemed to terrify him, it was contained but very worrying. So I've been perplexed.

He frequently told me that he had created his own bubble, he lived within it and liked everything to be nice and quiet and pretty. And that I was now in his bubble with him. I found this a bit strange, it felt avoidant - as though he couldn't cope with the ups and downs of life's emotions.

At the beginning of our relationship he categorically told me that if we ever argued our relationship would be over. We did argue, just the once, and the relationship was over with him repeatedly saying that we could never get back together, although he wanted FWB. When I thought about that in retrospect I thought that it might have been a form of control.  

Since then I've read about "Quiet Borderline PD" and wonder if anyone has experience of it. It seems that Quiet Borderlines have Emotophobia which is a fear of strong negative emotions and difficulty in expressing them.

I'd be really interested to know if anyone else has known this type of behaviour from someone with BPD. Since learning about it previously senseless things are making sense for me and I wonder if this resonates with others.

Thanks.

[MapleBob]

I tend to think of Quiet Borderline as being "my internal emotional dialog is SO LOUD ALL THE TIME that I literally can't start talking about it without losing my mind ... .so please don't." Unfortunately that is not what one could call a healthy place to approach a relationship from.