My ex's threatening behavior is escaliting rapidly and I need help

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Hey BPD Family

I was around about a year ago after ending a relationship with an udBPDexgf.  She was the abusive raging violent threatening suicide type.   We broke up January of 2015, after one of her violent rages and went NC.  She began emailing me in December of last year telling me how everything had changed and how she was better now and realized that she messed up.  At first we were just friends, but by January things became intimate again.  By early February, I realized that not only had things not changed, but her behavior had gotten much worse.  I was out of town for the weekend in mid February and she sent me a series of texts telling me she was going to kill herself (she had made these threats before so it didn't concern me). Over the course of the weekend she said she called her parents who came to get her from out of state and that she was in the hospital (I knew all of this was a lie because it made no sense).  But by Monday she was back at home like nothing happened.  I told her we couldn't be together but I would support her in getting professional help to address her issues.  She admitted that she was depressed and had terrible anxiety.

  Over the next couple of weeks she demanded that I find her a doctor because she didn't have time to do it and she started sending me abusive texts in the middle of the night every night .  She also kept changing her story with what happened that weekend, finally admitting she made it all up then two days later stating it really did happen before finally admitting it was lie because quote I am not worth ever telling the truth too.  So earlier this week, I said I can't do this anymore.  You are beyond my help.  I wish you the best but I don't think we should communicate anymore. 

   Three times this week she has come to my house uninvited and pounded on the door (twice were after midnight).  She believes that I have a bathing suit that belongs to her from over a year ago that I never returned (I told her I don't have it).  Everyday I receive over 60 texts from her, none of which I have answered since Monday.  Yesterday I got over 80 texts (all of them insulting and threatening) and 20 missed calls from her and she showed up to my house after midnight.  Her text claimed that she was with her exbf and that she was going to call the cops if I didn't let her in.  Today, she called me at work (she didn't have my work number and I think she just called the switchboard to get it) and began emailing me on my work email address (which she also didn't have).  She has threatened to call the police on me and harm my dog by leaving poisoned food outside my house.   

    I really don't know what to do at this point.  Her behavior seems scary and escalating quickly.  I think I need to go to the police myself and start a paper trail in case things get worse and I need proof.  I have saved all the texts and emails.  Just since typing this she has texted another 6 times, the last one saying she loves me and is sorry things have gotten so out of control.  I am sure in another few minutes they will turn nasty and threatening again.

  So I haven't been responding at all, but it seems to be getting worse.  I know at this point responding would be a terrible idea.  What can I do to deescalate things and get her to go away?  I am afraid if I just continue to ignore her that her behavior will get worse. I don't want to file charges or get a restraining order, but is going to the police a bad idea? I have also considered calling her parents and explaining the situation to them, they seemed like decent people. I just want her to leave me alone and stop threatening me.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[lawman79]

Hey BPD Family

I was around about a year ago after ending a relationship with an udBPDexgf.  She was the abusive raging violent threatening suicide type.   We broke up January of 2015, after one of her violent rages and went NC.  She began emailing me in December of last year telling me how everything had changed and how she was better now and realized that she messed up.  At first we were just friends, but by January things became intimate again.  By early February, I realized that not only had things not changed, but her behavior had gotten much worse.  I was out of town for the weekend in mid February and she sent me a series of texts telling me she was going to kill herself (she had made these threats before so it didn't concern me). Over the course of the weekend she said she called her parents who came to get her from out of state and that she was in the hospital (I knew all of this was a lie because it made no sense).  But by Monday she was back at home like nothing happened.  I told her we couldn't be together but I would support her in getting professional help to address her issues.  She admitted that she was depressed and had terrible anxiety.

  Over the next couple of weeks she demanded that I find her a doctor because she didn't have time to do it and she started sending me abusive texts in the middle of the night every night .  She also kept changing her story with what happened that weekend, finally admitting she made it all up then two days later stating it really did happen before finally admitting it was lie because quote I am not worth ever telling the truth too.  So earlier this week, I said I can't do this anymore.  You are beyond my help.  I wish you the best but I don't think we should communicate anymore. 

   Three times this week she has come to my house uninvited and pounded on the door (twice were after midnight).  She believes that I have a bathing suit that belongs to her from over a year ago that I never returned (I told her I don't have it).  Everyday I receive over 60 texts from her, none of which I have answered since Monday.  Yesterday I got over 80 texts (all of them insulting and threatening) and 20 missed calls from her and she showed up to my house after midnight.  Her text claimed that she was with her exbf and that she was going to call the cops if I didn't let her in.  Today, she called me at work (she didn't have my work number and I think she just called the switchboard to get it) and began emailing me on my work email address (which she also didn't have).  She has threatened to call the police on me and harm my dog by leaving poisoned food outside my house.   

    I really don't know what to do at this point.  Her behavior seems scary and escalating quickly.  I think I need to go to the police myself and start a paper trail in case things get worse and I need proof.  I have saved all the texts and emails.  Just since typing this she has texted another 6 times, the last one saying she loves me and is sorry things have gotten so out of control.  I am sure in another few minutes they will turn nasty and threatening again.

  So I haven't been responding at all, but it seems to be getting worse.  I know at this point responding would be a terrible idea.  What can I do to deescalate things and get her to go away?  I am afraid if I just continue to ignore her that her behavior will get worse. I don't want to file charges or get a restraining order, but is going to the police a bad idea? I have also considered calling her parents and explaining the situation to them, they seemed like decent people. I just want her to leave me alone and stop threatening me.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi lawman,

I can see your concern. I believe the actions you are describing could well come under the umbrella of stalking and I'm wondering if you're had chance to look at any US websites on the topic. I looked at a UK one (I'm based in the UK) and found it very helpful indeed. It identified four types of stalker, one of which is a person you have previously had a relationship with and the website said, those types of stalker are the ones that victims find hardest to deal with, specifically because there was a prior relationship.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing in keeping a paper trial of all contact. When I was in your situation, I was often advised to let the person concerned know that if they contacted me again, I'd contact the police. I never did because I still felt that somehow the way he was behaving was my fault, that I was encouraging him. On reflection, I think I should have taken the advice I was given because I put up with repeated contact from him for another 18 months. Personally, I don't think it would be out of order to contact the police since pwBPD make such outlandish claims against those who they think have rejected them. It might be better to make the first complaint, to get in there before she does, perhaps.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts, I'm sure a relevant telephone support line will exist in the US who could advise your further.

Love Lifewriter

[jessedsickabouther]

Aren't you a police officer?