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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Need help going NC and maintaining  (Read 413 times)

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 10

« on: March 13, 2016, 01:51:57 PM »

I've gone through the recycle so many times. Ex is now openly talking and bragging about going on dates/hook-ups, and while I thought I could handle being friends, I don't think it's possible. My therapist believes there will be another round of hooking up (or at least attempts at it), as this has been the pattern before. And my ex cannot make up his mind and stick with a choice ever. Like, ever ever.

If anyone is available for check-ins, or can recommend a resource for that, I'd really appreciate it. It's bad - I've got it bad, and need to get out of it.

Thank you.
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 234

« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2016, 04:37:25 PM »


Sorry to hear what you are going through.  I learned that through every recycle, you lose more of yourself.  Every time it happens, the situation gets worse!  I'm here for you.
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 860

« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2016, 09:57:46 PM »

Hi GottaMoveOn! Friends... with an ex... I'm not saying it is never possible, but. When it is possible it's because a lot if time without contact has passed and all feelings other than friendship (whether positive as in love/wanting them back or negative as in angry) are gone. Are you in that place yet? Do you really want to be friends to be friends or because you're not ready to let go? This is what I would ask if your ex didn't have BPD.

Seeing he does have BPD, IMO it isn't possible. BPDs have strong holds on NONs so chances are you want him back now or will in future as more than a friend. Or he will want you back because he needs supply. You'll end up recycling and losing more of yourself each time. Be careful not to get sucked back in. Go NC. Stay strong    Come here often, it helps, a lot  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 97

« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2016, 08:41:56 PM »

If they are truly BPD and they recycle you, how long do you think it will be until they blindside you again?
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