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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Separating  (Read 515 times)
Kerry50

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3


« on: March 13, 2016, 01:28:32 AM »

Hi

I'm in the process of ending my same sex relationship and we are trying mediation. Had one session so far. We are still living in same house wit our kids. I need support about how to separate, working out arrangements for kids .
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12180


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2016, 01:42:17 AM »

I lived in our home for over 4 months until my Ex could move out. I had then D1 and S3. How old are your kids?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Kerry50

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2016, 03:05:24 AM »

I lived in our home for over 4 months until my Ex could move out. I had then D1 and S3. How old are your kids?

Hi they are 11 and 9. We both want to stay in the house. She had very serious breakdown and refuses to take medication and believes she is well. There have been lots of deceit and I don't recognise her any more
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Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12180


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2016, 03:21:16 AM »

Are you determined to split, or is there hope here? The lessons on the Improving Board  can help. I used them to help reduce conflict while we were living together.

Whatever the case, t would be good to start documenting everything, in a journal (weekly planners work well). Dates, times, facts. It can be legally admissible later if it comes to that. Do you and the kids feel safe?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Kerry50

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3


« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2016, 03:30:45 AM »

Are you determined to split, or is there hope here? The lessons on the Improving Board  can help. I used them to help reduce conflict while we were living together.

Whatever the case, t would be good to start documenting everything, in a journal (weekly planners work well). Dates, times, facts. It can be legally admissible later if it comes to that. Do you and the kids feel safe?

There is no hope and I have been using the lessons to get me through to survive living under the same roof for now. There is no threat of physical stuff but it is the walking on egg shells and not knowing when her current 'good mood' will turn into one where I'm questioned and criticised for things. I have just read another other board about divorce etc and seen posts re how mediation may or not work. I feel like in trying to negotiate arrangements for kids I am the one with the responsibility to know if they will be safe or not. Whilst I am living here I can ensure routines followed etc so there is some degree of normality but once we are physically separate I think I will be worried.
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