Acceptance of actions

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello. Loving someone so deeply is something I have never fully done. Well, until I met him. He was very different. I toyed with him at first , I had just separated from my then husband. I hated all men at that point. I was in a bad place. About a year and a half later we decided to become exclusive with each other. We had contact every day all day. We went through so much in a year of dating. Most people would have to be together for years to experience what happened to us. We never lived in the same city so that put more strain in our relationship. Well about a month ago( my  perception of time has always been off) he and I had been arguing very bad. I would go from I love you to I hate you. I dumped him so many times in a course of a day. Till I dumped him. Said such harsh words that will never come out of his head. I never meant any of it. I get very nasty when angry. He couldn't forgive me for it. I am struggling with him being gone very badly. Still he is the first thing that pops into my head. He is a constant thought through out the day. Don't even get me started about the night. He was my world. I was going to marry this man. It's over now. Something I am having a very hard time accepting. Any advice would be wonderful. Or even your story could help me.

Thank you,

Bear

[Bear bear]

Hello. Loving someone so deeply is something I have never fully done. Well, until I met him. He was very different. I toyed with him at first , I had just separated from my then husband. I hated all men at that point. I was in a bad place. About a year and a half later we decided to become exclusive with each other. We had contact every day all day. We went through so much in a year of dating. Most people would have to be together for years to experience what happened to us. We never lived in the same city so that put more strain in our relationship. Well about a month ago( my  perception of time has always been off) he and I had been arguing very bad. I would go from I love you to I hate you. I dumped him so many times in a course of a day. Till I dumped him. Said such harsh words that will never come out of his head. I never meant any of it. I get very nasty when angry. He couldn't forgive me for it. I am struggling with him being gone very badly. Still he is the first thing that pops into my head. He is a constant thought through out the day. Don't even get me started about the night. He was my world. I was going to marry this man. It's over now. Something I am having a very hard time accepting. Any advice would be wonderful. Or even your story could help me.

Thank you,

Bear

[Turkish]

Hi Bear bear,

A long distance relationship is certainly tough. The only one I ever had lasted only 4 months.

Do you think he has BPD?

Turkish

[Bear bear]

I believe we both do.

[Turkish]

Then it's understandable that you might be triggering off of each other, Bb. The good thing is that you are self aware enough to reach out for help. Looking at ourselves is the start of the path to healing, whether detaching, or trying to improve the relationships in our lives. I think that this is true BPD or not. Finding a good therapist can help. I spent a lot of time and $, and though I previously thought it was a waste, I realized it was worth every penny to get an objective voice and a safe place for me to share. You don't have to do this alone 

BPD Family, however, is geared towards helping people work on themselves to improve the relationships they have with loved ones in their lives who have BPD, and also for those who are detaching from failed relationships. As such, many of the threads here you may find triggering. You may be able to better connect with more appropriate resources, and those who may better share similar stories here:

Resources for BPD Sufferers

Turkish