BPDs are human too
so yes, like all of us they want to be loved and validated etc. And no, it's not their fault in the sense that they didn't ask for this desease. I think they all know there is something wrong. Some choose to go into therapy and work on themselves. Some of those seem to be able to stick to it and learn how to function better and hurt less and therefore hurt others less. A lot cannot get past the "there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just special and the world is f-d up". They don't know what love is, cannot love themselves or others, and have to maintain the false self they've created because it feels as if they will die if they don't. So you're right, she couldn't do it. Every loving suggestion you made to do something in a different way for her felt like you stabbed her with a knife. But it doesn't change the fact that being in a relationship with a BPD turns your world upside down and IMO no longlasting stable reasonably healthy relationship with a BPD or Narc is possible for anyone. Not even for the most stable. The most stable don't fall for BPDs though. They feel something is off and they stay away or simply don't find them attractive. So it also doesn't change the fact (IMO) the NONs that fall for BPDs are the sensitive ones with wounds from the past. So we need to heal. From the past relationship with the BPD and from whatever it was that made us their perfect target and us want them like they were going to make us complete. Being like that isn't our fault either, but at least we can make the adult decision to change our lives around, to go to therapy and to change ourselves to healthier people with healthier relationships.
