Someone give me ONE reason to live?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have nothing to live for. Nothing and No one

Everything was taken from me while I was torn apart.

Can someone please give me ONE, only ONE reason to live?  I don't have any.

[SSinNYC]

I have nothing to live for. Nothing and No one

Everything was taken from me while I was torn apart.

Can someone please give me ONE, only ONE reason to live?  I don't have any.

[Frustratedbloke]

ummmmm, pinwheels? The first cut into a fresh piece of construction paper?

That's probably not the best answer you'll receive, but seriously, it can't be that bad... .I actually feel pretty together right now, so I guess, thanks!

[Panda39]

Hi SSinNYC

I'm sorry you're hurting, can you tell us a little bit more about your story?  What has been happening to make you feel so sad?

Panda39

[JerryRG]

Hold on SSinNYC, you came to the right place

[jessedsickabouther]

Must be something in the water today because I said the exact same thing two hours ago. Like I was just done with everything I can't believe I wasted all this freakin time on a person who wouldn't throw water on me if I was on fire. I haven't really felt much like living lately either so I can give you a great pep talk but I will tell you this don't kill yourself for that stupid person because they sure as hell won't care and they are not worth it

[SSinNYC]

Unfortunately there is no place for me. No Hope. I have nothing

[Itstopsnow]

SSinNYC,

Things may seem so dark but you'll get through this! You survived before your ex and you'll survive after! You are never given more than you can handle in life! Do you have a faith in God? Or a higher power? Pray. Think about the good things you have in life. Write them down. There is always someone who has it worse than you. Try and put things into perspective . We've all been screwed over here. We can't give up! Life has lots of turns and twists . Good times will be ahead.

[jessedsickabouther]

I'm not even going to try to tell you not to feel this way because I know exactly what you're thinking and I know exactly what you're feeling and they just take everything from you put everything into it and it's really hard to accept that there's nothing left. Emotionally sexually you know physically having them there financially you know I feel you man I really do I totally get where you're at. I hate to say it because it's not what you want to hear but it's the answer to everything and that's time I mean you don't want to never get to experience something else maybe again but I'm at that point where I've given up to. I've come to a very sad realization that I like BPD apparently just like they're comfortable with a something I'm comfortable with it because of my own issues. And the sad truth is that I've been talking to Healthy Growth and it's driving me nuts like I can tell they're healthy and I want to shoot myself because I'm so bored so yeah it sucks it sucks because this goes back to Something in childhood that is not much easier to fix than BPD honestly we all just do what we're comfortable doing and what we've done all our lives and therapy is a very painful process if you even have enough time and money to do it


People can relate and people understand how you feel  

Go back like five years on some of the older posts and Then followed their story and they remarried and they're happier now and then you can picture your life in a few years and hopefully it's different I don't want to blow smoke up your butt or anything but you can't just quit no matter what

[confusedandangry]

Tell us more... .tell me what is making you feel this way?  I felt that way when my ex left me.  I felt like I had nothing to live for... .I wanted to die.  I was like that for awhile, but I came to this board and I began to understand why I felt that way... .there are many of us that have been that low... .just talk to us.  I went to my therapist today because not only did I lose my gf, but I lost my father, home, dogs, grandparents all within a course of 3 years... .he told me the only thing that remains the same is change... .change is every day.  Even though things change for the bad, things also change for the good... .

[Itstopsnow]

Also SSinNYC,

Try and remember these people are very mentally ill. Sure they are spiteful and rage, lie, cheat, manipulate , use and abuse! And of course they know right from wrong! But when they are doing these things it isn't out of straight up malice! They are doing it because that is the way they get through life! They have no coping skills! They again are mentally disordered. They are constantly in inner turmoil and strife. They are doing it for self perseverance. They don't do it like a sociopath would. They didn't set out and mark you as a target. It's a crazy disorder and it's a very selfish and self seeking one as well. We are talking about people would have severe arrested development. A petulant child . They aren't worth it. Try and balance your thoughts with knowing it wasn't personal! They don't have high regard for themselves and they don't love themselves or eve. Know themselves . How can they then love and respect us. How long were you in your relationship for ?

[GreenEyedMonster]

To prove that this one person isn't that important or powerful that they can wreck everything for you.

[Ms.Perfect]

I have nothing to live for. Nothing and No one

Everything was taken from me while I was torn apart.

Can someone please give me ONE, only ONE reason to live?  I don't have any.

Hey   Live for me  

How old are you? Lets talk first  

I will tell you a lot of reasons I love life even if I went through a lot that ppl could handle, saved my positivity . For sure can share some positive thoughts and reasons to live  

[hurting300]

I have nothing to live for. Nothing and No one

Everything was taken from me while I was torn apart.

Can someone please give me ONE, only ONE reason to live?  I don't have any.

I have been where you are! You can not let someone beat you! You're in a good place to talk.

[Turkish]

What was taken from you, SSinNYC?

[Driver]

Hi SSinNYC,

One reason to live for: happiness (within and around you).

Motivation: curiosity.

Tool: patience and perseverance.

If ever you have lived happiness, then you can be pretty sure you'll live it again. There are moments when we reach the bottom and see no way out from it. But deep down on that bottom you know very well that you won't stay stuck there forever. Although you've reached the bottom and you've probably been feeling empty, look around and you'll see that there is such a mess on that bottom of yours that you don't know what awaits you round corners. Take that mess as an advantage. Stay curious enough to explore what is round each corner of that mess and one day you'll come across that thing that will launch you back to the top. Only then you'll find back the feeling of happiness. You'll probably be left with scars to remind you what you endured, what you went through, but at least those scars won't be the open wounds that are hurting you right now. They'll be there to remind you to be careful in the future. Those scars are called life experience. They are the exam to be passed to become wiser. And once you acquire that wisdom you can share it with others. The wisdom you acquire will be helpful to you as much as it will be helpful to all those who you chose to help with it. The path seems sometimes long, meaningless, purposeless, pointless, painful, but in the end, when you reach the destination you'll find out that it was worth it to stay alive.

You will probably ask how long will you need to walk that seemingly pointless path? Well, ask yourself this, how long does it take to build a tent? How long does it take to build a hut? How long does it take to build a house? How long does it take to build a castle? You'll have to walk down that path depending on how fast you rebuild yourself and how hard you rebuild yourself. In the beginning you'll feel as weak as a tent, but with patience in the end you'll be as strong as a castle. And in your castle you'll let in the ones who you chose to let in. No one is going to destroy you nor walk over you as easily as over a tent any more.

If you smoke, quit smoking. If you drink, quit drinking. You are the same person who you used to be before reaching the bottom. So, go back to what you were when you felt happy and healthy. Once you find yourself back, you'll probably find also the one with whom you will be able to share joy, laughter, happy and sad tears, love.

For the moment you are a child who rode very fast a bicycle down a slope and you have fallen off it and wrecked yourself. You are lying on the floor full of open wounds. All the people gathered around to help you get up, except the one that you want to show and help you get up. Don't stay on the floor. Get up. And, think what is the best for yourself now.

Time and patience my friend. They are the key.

[troisette]

Hello SSinNYC

You are not alone, if you read the boards here you see that lots people, after a break up with a disordered person, feel as you do right now. Hopeless and despairing, I was there last summer. So I sympathise.

It's easy for us to say you will get better, but please believe that we speak from personal experience and when we encourage and sympathise it's done because we understandd what you're feeling now and also know that it will improve. Not overnight, but with time, baby steps.

You have found the right place to explore your feelings and seek support. Also to, little by little, find out what brought you to where you are now. Because with understanding comes healing.

 to you.

[Caley]

1. You.

[ForeverDad]

Over 3500 years ago, a man who had lost his children and flocks, had become very ill and whose wife wasn't very supportive, uttered these words despite his adversity:  "Until I die, I will not renounce my integrity!"  He had a deep foundation based upon his beliefs and inner convictions.  That quote is in Job 27:5.  As dire as his situation was, he recovered, had more children and rebuilt his flocks.  The account concluded, "So Jehovah blessed the last part of Job’s life more than the beginning."

If you feel alone and adrift, it will be hard to stand up for yourself.  But if you have reliance upon principles and your sense of what is Right, then you don't have to feel lost.

Understand too that logic may not have immediate impact upon your feelings and emotions.  So give yourself time, give your heart time to catch up with your reality.  Okay?

[SSinNYC]

Now the pain is really going to start and there are so many details to it.

I would like to share all the details but this would become a book nearly as large as the bible itself.  Yet, I still feel pressured to grind every detail out because my wife has been so insistent, over the years, on making me grind every detail right to the nub.

Bottom line is that I am not allowed to see my 5 month old baby.  I guess if I would have agreed to her terms, right from the start of our conversation today, that I could.  Now it's too late.

Her terms:

1 . I don't want him anywhere near your mother

First off, I haven't talked to my mother in over a year.  That was once when the wife and I had a fight.  Secondly, I did not want to agree to these terms.  As the conversation moved along, as much as I wanted to stand my ground, I asked her to be okay with me saying "For now, he will not be anywhere near my mother"

Not good enough.  Can't trust me because I lie all the time.

Which leads us to her other term,

2. Supervised visitation.

I was welcome to come there to see him.  Over to the house where we could argue some more about whether she is rational in her thinking.

Finally angered I said "Fine - I will come there and visit him.  (Of course, due to frustration there were a few more adjectives to this sentence)

She hung up and I'm not seeing him I guess.

After all, I am a threat to this child.  Apparently I beat my own children who are now 13 and 16.

My view:  I never beat them.  Never once where they bruised.  Sure, there were times that they were punished.  Once I even took the belt out and my son took a couple of swats on the butt.  Why?  After doing a vanishing act five times where we had to look for him 3 hours and kept finding him further and further away from our home I made him a promise.  I told him if he ever did that again that I was going to take out the belt.  Keep in mind that I tried everything else.  I tried explaining why he had to tell us where he was.  I gave him all different angles and reasons.  Still he kept doing this.  So I felt I really needed to get leverage on him.  I told him he would get the belt if he did this again.  Period.

Yup, it happened again.  This time, after 3 hours of searching for him, we call the police.  Why, 'cause we can not find him anywhere.

The police find him.  A very long way from home.  They bring him home in their car.  As they pull up he has a huge smile on his face.  He's all happy and now, being far away from home, making his parents sick and ignoring my threat, he has been rewarded!  NO WAY MAN!

You bet, I gave him a couple of swats with the belt.  He cried and I'm sure it hurt.  Truth told, it hurt me too.  But I was exhausted!

The story ends like this:  He never, ever went anywhere again without telling us.  I view this a successful as he has never been abducted.  This was my goal.

My BPD wife's version of this story is a little simpler.  I BEAT HIM!  This is evidenced by the way he is afraid of me.  You see sometimes, when his behavior is less than acceptable, I will give him a look.  Is he afraid?  You bet he is.  Later I can say "come here my little man"  Is he afraid?  Nope.

... .but I beat him.  Perhaps you all think I beat him.  Maybe you do.

My opinion:  Many children are completely undisciplined due to the "Spare the rod" rule.  Sure, there are and were parents who did beat their children to the point that it was unreasonable.  Now things have gotten so out of hand that children can't be spanked.  I think it has created a bunch of disrespectful young adults in our society.

I was spanked.  Many of my friends were spanked.  And we all had a couple of spankings that we really remembered.  We never forgot them.  I guarantee you though we quickly learned about consequence.  This is something many young adults don't know about.  Let me say it again "Consequence".

And this breeds another monster "Responsibility".  Most people today point the finger somewhere else.  It's not there fault, it's someone else's fault.

Let's see if everyone thinks I'm rational here.

Yup, my wife has BPD.  I think the things she has done to me are my fault.  Why?  Because I made the decision to be with her. I ignored all the red flags and moved forward.  I accept responsibility for making this decision.

"It's in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped"  Now I sound like an infomercial... .but it's true.

I can't see my son and that is the consequence of being married to someone who can not think rationally.

I hurt inside.  If I could go back in time I would do things completely different.

Not being with her would mean no little beautiful baby.  It's hard to imagine that, but look what I have done to this innocent little boy now!

I'm so sorry god!

Please forgive sayeh sarmadi.

[steelwork]

lll, I have no comment on the issue of hitting your boy. This isn't the place for that debate.

If you are thinking of hurting yourself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

1 (800) 273-8255

[Driver]

SSinNYC,

Don't do anything stupid mate. One day that little baby of yours that you can't see for the moment will need you and will want to see you. If you are not there to tell him what happened when he grows up, who will? And by the way, even if someone else tells him, you know very well that he'll want to hear your side of the story from you and from nbody else.

You asked one reason to live for? Actually you have many reason to live for:

Firstly your grown up children need you. One day they'll have children too and you'll be grandpa.

Secondly, your little baby won't stay a little baby. He'll grow up too in a young man and will sooner or later seek for his father. He too will have children one day and will be happy to have you.

However, if you do something stupid like committing suicide, you'd do only worse. You'd not repair a single thing. On the contrary, if you're not there any more for them, because you decided by yourself to remove yourself from the surface of the earth, your children will be affected forever.

Think about the whole situation this way:

1) Your conflictual situation with your wife = temporary period of life which with time can be solved, if you are surrounded with the right people and if you give yourself that time.

2) If you kill yourself = irreversible damage to you and all your children and potentioal grand children which will be impossible to repair, ever.

3) Whether you had or hadn't known happiness before, one day you will, but only if you stay alive.

4) When you're dead you won't be able to taste delicious things such as chocolate, yummy.

Don't ever do irreversible things, except maybe a tattoo  

Hang in there.

[lbjnltx]

The thread is a spoof. This member is a troll and a female (not a male as portrayed). Our apologies to the members that reached out in kindness and good will.