Found out something awful tonight~

[JerryRG]

I now know the depths of my denial and it is staggering, a person who knows my ex and has for many years is pleading I pick my son up and just not take him back to her believing she won't ask for him back.

I knew I had grown numb with denial and tramatuzed with her craziness and gaslighting but I am only scratching the serface it seems. This person believes my ex is not only BPD or NARC but probably a sociopath. She says my ex is getting worse too, I kicked her out of my apartment last Nov when I was caring for our son. My ex would come over to visit him but would deliberately wait until our son was sleeping, so no she really wasn't there to see him. She would try to keep me up late talking about all her medical issues. I would fall asleep on the couch and wake up to her still rambling on about tumors and lymph nodes and swelling and red spots on her legs and on and on and on... .

I finally said ENOUGH! I need to sleep and care for our son in the morning, I lost my job at this point missing too much work taking our son because she was ill.

I'm so confused and angry and convinced I am one lucky guy to have survived this insanity. I always thought she was dangerous and abused our son. I witnessed it a few times and alerted child protection at least a dozen times. I would receive a letter a few days later saying there is no action needed from them. Called the police for welfare checks and same outcome. My ex is a very convincing lyer and manipulator.

I have to get my son away from her, and not look back. I got so used to taking the blame for everything being my fault that I assumed my ex was right. My friend said if it were my fault my ex would be improving since we split, I continue to get better, new job and thinking clearer, stronger, healthier while the ex is getting worse. I hate trusting people anymore and after 10,000 lies I don't know... .

Maybe start posting this in the parenting section? This truly is frighting for our son. I just can't believe the depths of horror BPD presents in the lives of all involved.

[Turkish]

What is the awful thing, that this friend said what you quoted, or is it something else?

[JerryRG]

Sorry Turkish

I was so shook up, this is it, my ex is crashing and burning but who knows how far and how long. I'm scared for our son. I have seen so much craziness that I'm used to it. Our son is in danger from his mother. No one ever listed to me.

[Turkish]

Unfortunately, what legally constitutes abuse, and what can be proven, can vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. So, too, can the competency of the support services.

We had a member who witnessed abuse and called the authorities. It resulted in the reporting parent getting temporarily removed from their home. Though this isn't quite the same situation, the authorities concluded that the other parent hadn't broken the law in that state.

In my state, the authorities went overboard when I reported suspected sexual abuse. The response even surprised my T. It wasn't in my Ex's home, but in childcare. CPS threatened to take our kids away if we didn't have a plan to keep the safe.

What exact behaviors do you see as abusive here, and how do they gel with the laws in your jurisdiction? Document everything (journal or weekly planner) and keep it as factual as possible. Your calls to the authorities are documented in the system.

There is no custody order in place yet, right? If not, it may pay to be proactive. Document the time you have had. Back-date if necessary. Collate dated pictures, Facebook photos (or the like) as proof.

[JerryRG]

Thank you Turkish

I have shared parenting rights and I've actually cared for our son for most of his life. When living with his mother I did the caretaking and she's been away from him for the last 4 months. She's just so self destructive and takes us with her

[Turkish]

If the is a legal order, then you can't just take him, of course, even if she abandins him or detaches. Can't trust a pwBPD to be stable, even in their instability.

Are you prepared to go to court to gain more legal rights?

[JerryRG]

I don't know Turkish, she fought to keep me out of his life and told me I would never be his dad or be alone with him, I filed for my rights and get them, care for him and now she's dumping him? I don't know what's going on or why. Never ending nightmare

[Turkish]

How old is your son? For me, a large part of the pain was seeing how it affected the kids. It got better after a year or so, but your son's mom sounds like she's destablizing. How much do you trust this friend? It's good data, but as a parent, you should be the final arbiter of what's right to do.